Out of reach
by Yanayamel
Summary: One morning she found a message, that made all of her worst fears come true. Dawson's Creek, AU, Character death. P/J. COMPLETED - Please R/R And remember - reviews are still appreciated, even if thes story has been finished.
1. Prolouge

**Author's notes: **Owning nothing :-)

So, this is my first try. Please review(!), to let me know, if you liked it, if you have any suggestions and if you want more of it.

Thanks for the beta, Joey!

Have fun, Yana

**Out of reach**

Prologue

Sleepy, her hand rushes over the side, where he was supposed to lay. It had been a rough night. He had nightmares.  
Again.  
Rarely one night passed without him having one. She had tried to soothe him. Lovingly stroked his hair, kissed him on the forehead. Wanted so baldy to hold him tight, to reassure him, that they would be good after all, but he wouldn't let her. He slowly came back out of his sleeping horrors. They had shared a grievous silence. At length she must have fallen asleep.  
Now, her hand touched the cold side beside her, and all of a sudden, she was all awake, as her fingers found a paper on his cold pillow.  
'I'm sorry, Jo. Love you always.' She just starred a while in pure disbelief at the pillow, where she could see the dimple, his head left. Slowly she took the silver band he'd left - his engagement ring.  
Hot tears sprung from her eyes. Clouded her sight as she read over the lines again and again.  
Though she could read the words, the meaning would not come through. Her hand tighten around the ring. This just couldn't happen, not after all, that they've been through. And jet - if she was honest - she knew, he couldn't bear it any longer. The paper just slipped through her fingers and she let herself sink into his pillow, tightened her legs to her body and deeply breathed in the familiar smell of her beloved. Her heart ached. In overwhelming pain she closed her eyes, her empty hand holding tight to the fabric of Paceys pillow and cried in silent sobs.

The misty autumn morning hanging heavy on the glimpse of the day awakening. The cold taking hold of everything, rarely any leaves left on the skeletons of the trees. A silhouette drawing itself dimly against the pastel colored sky, as the sun in cold colors slowly began to rise. He closed his eyes and breathed slowly, his breath lingering in the early morning air. 'This is goodbye for real than. I'm sorry man.', he holds his hands to his eyes and wiped away an unshed tear, as if he was afraid, someone could see. His words a mere whisper. 'Look after her, while I'm gone.' Silently he placed a cold hand on the even colder stone, lingered a moment, as his eyes took in his surroundings and his eyes flushed over the epitaph, he so well knew 'I'm sorry...' and than he was gone.

_Three month earlier_

Pacey, Jack and Dawson sat in Dawson's car. He driving, Jack in the seat beneath and Pacey in the back of the car. They had been away for some „guy time" camping in the wild. Specially because Pacey wanted to ask the two of them, to become his best men. He finally had asked Joey if she'd be his wife. A soft laugh escaped him, as he remembered.  
The three of them had had a really funny time. Making jokes, swimming in the open, roasted marshmallows over bonfire. Talking a lot about the times, when they had been in highschool together and Dawson sharing stories of his job as director. And Pacey was so grateful, that Dawson and he were friends once again. After such a long time of distrust and jealousy. He leant back and cherished the feeling of finally be back into this precious friendship.  
The weather was awful, and the guys happy that this blinding rain hadn't stroked them while camping. Dawson's windscreen wiper was on fast, but they couldn't barley see anything, driving slowly.  
Now, on the road back home, they make plans for the rest of Paceys „time as a free man", as suddenly Dawson cursed, horror in his voice 'Fuck, fuck, it will hit us...' and braked really hard, forces the car to side slip off the road. Paceys eyes widened in pure horror as big lights came directly up to them.  
'Fuck Dawson...' Jack jelled, put his hands up to his face, as to protect himself and than there was a huge impact, the truck crashed straight in the front of their car. Pacey hit his head pretty bad on the glass and than there was pure blackness and silence.

As he slowly came to terms, his head throbbed with unbelievable heavy pain, but he barley felt it. His eyes widened. There were sirens and an huge amount of people. He still sat in the backseat of the car, but where his friends were supposed to sit, was the front of the truck.  
'Dawson...?' he whispered. 'Jack?', his voice somewhere between a desperate plea and deeply scared. He shook his head, the whole meaning not yet sinking in. 'oh my god!' He pulled his hand up to his mouth, covered it, as he starred on the hood of the truck.  
'Here's one alive inside', he heard a mans voice yelling. And all of a sudden a strangers face appeared behind his crushed side window, on which he could see blood. Slowly he raised his left hand and felt dried blood in his hair and on the side of his face, as well as some stinging pain, bits of broken glass, he figured.  
'Are you okay so far?' the man asked, brushing aside a strand of totally soaked hair and as Pacey nodded in slow-moition the other smiled reassuringly. 'We'll get you out immediately. Don't worry.'  
Pacey nodded again, suddenly all to aware of the blood that covered his trousers, his shirt and face. Dawson's blood. Not daring to take a closer look, he closed his eyes again, as realization almost hit him literally in the face. They were gone. Both of them.  
Outside the rain ungraciously pattered on the car roof and into the crushed window.

At length he was in a hospital room, sitting at the edge of a bed. Someone removing the splinters and than sewing the bruise on the side of his head, where he had hit the window. The woman talking to him, but he doesn't really care what she was saying, her voice only a blur to his ears, the lights bright and almost unbearable.  
She smiled at him, nodded reassuringly, saying some more things. Than she suddenly looked, as if expecting something. An answer, he knew by the look of her face, head slightly tilted to the right. 'W-what?', he managed to say at length. His voice a croak, unfamiliar and unsure and totally strange to his own ears. The woman, a doctor as he now realized, touches him on the leg. 'Is there someone I should call for you?', she asked again, slowly, suddenly her face darkened with concern.  
Pacey closed his eyes. Taking a few moments and breathes deeply. 'Yeah, actually yes...', he managed to say after a while. 'My fiancé. Josephine Potter...' He gave her cell number to the doctor. Than she insisted for him to lay down and injecting him something, that quite instantly put him at ease.  
'Rest now.', she said and than heading for the door.  
'uhm...', Pacey began hesitantly. The woman stopped by the door and turned around, facing him. 'Yes?'  
He briefly closed his eyes, absolutely sure he doesn't want the answer of his question and absolutly certain, that he knew the answer already. 'My...my friends...', he left the rest of his sentence unfinished, as he saw the face of the woman darken. She let go of the door-handle and came back to him, gently she laid her hand on his arm. 'They hadn't had any chance', she looked at him a sorry smile on her face. 'I'm sorry.'  
'This can't be true' he whispered, refusing what he just heard, complaining it couldn't be true, as though he knew it to be. She rose but suddenly he grabbed her hand. 'What has happened?' His eyes burning with unshed tears, his heart felt as if bursting in thousand pieces.  
She took a seat. 'The truck came off the road, 'cause of the heavy rain, the water on the street practically made it impossible for the driver to steer anymore and he crushed head-on into your friend's car. They were dead instantly, as was the driver of the truck.', she reassuringly pattered his hand. 'You were incredibly lucky.' She stood. 'And now I'm calling your fiancé.' With this she was gone.  
He starred on the now closed door. _Lucky_, he thought, then raised a hand to his head and closed his eyes.

Joey stand in the middle of a lightflodded room, although the rain outside was puring endlessly. On the walls pictures from her. Mostly impressions of Capeside, but also memories from her sail trip with Pacey as they were much younger. Her hair was held back with a headscarf. She stood in front of a screen and painting in bright coursers. Through the huge window she could see the 'Witters', Paceys restaurant. They were living in Capeside, but Joey had a small Apartment in New York, where she lived, when in town to get her pictures in the greater art gallery of hers. She was so into it, that she didn't hear the phone.  
'Joey, phone call...', Jen, who helped her out said with a frown in her voice. Joey smiled mouthed a _thank you_ and took the phone.  
'Josephine Potter, art gallery. With what can I help you?', she said cheery.  
'Joey?', 't was Bessie. Joey could tell from the sound of her voice, that something was wrong. Very wrong in fact.  
'Bessie? Bessie what is it? Something with Alexander?', sudden concern spoke through her.  
'No, honey... no. Can you take a seat?', her sister asked softly. 'Please...'  
'Oh hell...' _Pacey_ was what Joey thought and she raised a hand to her mouth, her eyes widened in horror, as she shut Jen a quick look and sunk on the floor. 'I'm sitting.'  
'There has been an accident.', Bessie paused.  
'No, please...', Joey whimperd, and helplessly bit her lower lip, looked at Jen, who knelt beside her and shook her head slowly.  
'The hospital just called on your cell, you've left it here, as you dropped by this morning. They want you to come immediately.'  
'Sure...sure. Bye Bess.'  
'They'd have an accident, Jen. I-I've... I've to go.' She stuttered.  
'Oh my...', Jen's eyes widened. 'Shall I give you a ride?'  
Joey shook her head. 'Call you, if... if I need...', gapping her coat, letting the sentence unfinished and was out of the gallery in a heartbeat.

In a rush Joey stormed out of her car, in seconds totally soaked through from the heavy rain, that hasn't stop since midday. Outside stood the cars of the Leery's and Andie's. She hasted through the self opening door to the ambulance and there he sat. She suddenly felt a relief running through her veins and tears of relief sprung to her eyes. But at the look of him, sitting there as death himself, sunken in and starring at the wall opposite of him, her heart sunk.  
'Pace... Pacey!' She came running down the long floor, than slowing. He didn't seem to realize, that she had called him. She felt all cold, as she stepped in front of the hull of the man she loved more than anything. Her hair still bond by the headscarf straining down her back leaving cold wetness, rain dropping from her chin and from her coat.  
She knelt and looked at him, as he sat there, his eyes fixed on the white wall a long plaster on the left side of his head. His trousers and shirt bloodied. 'Oh my god', she whispered and touches his leg carefully. 'Pacey?' her voice soft and full of concern.  
His eyes locked for a brief moment with hers, deeply felt pain and grief in their gace. It struck her hard and she couldn't quite contain the whole meaning. Paceys head sunk on his chest. She touches his head and took a soft hold on it, drawing him in to an embrace. He just closed his eyes, taking in her aroma. Realizes, that she smelled like paint. He closed his eyes. Not sure what to feel, but a slight relief that she was there. He hold on tight to her body, as if not to drown, but it provided him with little ease.  
'I'm sorry, Joey', he managed to whisper after an endless time.  
'But what are you sorry for?' She asked him and removed his head from her shoulder, forcing him to look at her. Gently holding one hand to his cheek.  
'For surviving...' he whispered, his eyes fluttered shut and he shook his head slightly. '..for surviving, Jo.'

Two weeks later there was the burial and Pacey got to the pedestal, trying to find words for what he wanted to say. Joey tried to catch his gace, but as ever since the accident he doesn't even seem to realize her presence, even if she touches him. He hadn't once cried, but also he wouldn't speak about it. He covered himself with his work, they barely saw each other, besides when she came over to 'Witters' for lunch.  
Andie and her mother weren't here. They've buried Jack side by side with his oldest brother Tim, just days after the accident. Since than his mother was in psychiatry and Andie dared not leaving her, unstable herself and back on meds.  
Jen grabbed Joey's hand and tears falling down her cheeks. Jen had been such a great friend to her ever since they've gotten over their first asympathy. She couldn't imagine life without her.

Pacey stood in front of everybody, swallowed hard and began to speak in a brittle voice. 'So, Dawson was supposed to speak at my marriage, instead me speaking his lament', broken, he wiped over his forehead. 'I guess he won't mind, when I say some silly things, because he isn't here to write this speech for me...', he tried to make a smile, but failed. He spoke about how great Dawson was, what a great friend, how he had held them all together. How he somehow ever exactly knew what to say. That there was always a safe haven for all of them in his house. And his passion for his job, that he managed to live his dream. 'All there's left to say is,' he swallowed again and fighting for composure. 'Man, you were a real and true friend. You're badly missed.' He closed his eyes. 'I guess it's goodbye than. Sorry D.' He took a deep breath, stand a minute in front of the closed coffin.

Slowly he returned to his side by Joey who stood next. With a reassuring look she left for the front. Her eyes gacing over all the people that had come, to say goodbye. Dawson's parents, Grams, Bessie and Bodie with Alexander. The Witter family. Lots of people of Dawson's crew. And as much as everybody, they were in highschool with and some guys which studied along with Dawson. Slowly she began her teary lament of her soul mate, companion through of all her live and the Leery's only child being gone. 'Goodbye then, beloved friend.', she smiled sadly. 'There is regrettable no ladder high enough for me to reach you now', she finished and wiped away some tears. 'See you on the other side for our happily ever after. Thanks for everything. Farewell, Dawson.' She swallowed and turned to the white coffin. She lay one single red rose on his coffin, took a moment to grieve. Climbed down the steps and embraced Gail and Mitch in a painful hug. Slowly letting go of her parents by heart and turned to sit beside Pacey, whom she found gone.  
Jen gestured with her head to the door and Joey nodded. Slowly going after him. Deeply worried over him. Her heart tightened and her stomach clutched. She couldn't loose him too. But she feared that this was exactly what was going to happen. After a visit at the Leery's short after the accident and at Jacks mother with Andie, where he - twice - quintessentially apologized for surviving, he had all but fallen silent. A mere shadow of himself. No more laughter, no more...anything. As if he had closed himself inside. Nobody to get in. Not even her. He seemed to delve in his job as chef, but nothing else seemed to got through. She hardly ever see him these days.

Outside the sun was shining. Bright and warm, promising jet another hot summer day. All over the trees stood in all shades of green, birds singing filled the warm air and dozens of colors painted the meadow. Pacey had built a great buffet over at the Leery's, covered with white linen. This was, where she had assumed him to be, but he wasn't.  
She pulled her this bolero somewhat closer, for the cold that crept inside of her and headed to the creek, where the True Love was on anchor. There he stood, on deck of his beloved ship. Looking longingly out of the creek. She knew, that he wanted nothing more than go sailing, but something held him back.  
Her heart flowed over with love for him as he leant on the railing, clutching the cold metal with his hands, as if it gave him the strength to stand. She approached slowly. Unsure of what to do, she just stepped beside him and looks out on the open water. She looked at him. 'Pacey', she whisperd. 'Nothing of this was your fault.', she whisperd. Words, she had said so often in these last days, she'd lost count on them. 'No one blame you for anything.' But it wouldn't get through to him.  
Pacey's expression was almost unreadable. He just starred out. She didn't know what elase to say, what was right and wrong. And it broke her heart. She had always known how to handle him, but this was so different. At length she moved one step closer, opened herself up to him. Carefully touching his arm. 'Pace...?', she whispered, so desperately in need of him to let her in. As if slowly awakened, he closed and opened his eyes an they found their way to hers.  
She tilted her head somewhat, relieved, that he at last seem to see her. 'Jo?' he asked, as if he would see her for the first time in a long time. His eyes red from unshed tears, his pain so obvious. 'Sorry, I...', he croaked, but she shook her head and put her finger to his lips, 'There is nothing to be sorry for...', she whispered and than wrapped her arms around him. It took him several moments before he let go of the reiling and wrapped his arms around her. One hand in her hair, pulling her as close as possible. 'Jo.' Closing his eyes and took in her smell. Felt some relieve for the first time in days. She held him as close, her eyes shut, her head rested on his chest. Gently she stroke his back and was grateful for this moment of togetherness. 'Pacey.'

_TBC..._


	2. Chapter 1

Out of reach

Chapter one

Joey put on her running shoes, bond her arbourn hair into a long tail and took her earphones in. Than she was out the door in the cold autumn morning. The cold stroke her, but she didn't mind, at least she felt alive again. Her thoughts still wondering over Pacey's disappearance this morning. She ran for miles and miles. Her legs aching, the cold air stinging in her lungs. Totally sweat soaked she found herself in the one place she was afraid looking for him. The port.

Heavy breathing, she walked slowly up to the True Love's anchor point and saw... Nothing. It was gone. As was Pacey. Although she had expected nothing else, it struck her hard. She let her eyes wander over the wide water, where she knew he would eventually find some peace, but as her sight came back to where she stood, she opened her eyes in pure disbelieve. She sunk on the landing stage. And picked up the name tag of Paceys ship. Mournful she stroke over the letters and tried to understand quite the whole of it's meaning.

Joey remembered vivid how Pacey once had presented it to her, as this ship was far from seaworthy. As he hugged her and told her, it was just the perfect name for a girl. She thought of the precariousness, with which he had affectionately restored 'his girl'. The joy in his voice and the live in his eyes, his bright smile. Her heart ached, as she closed her eyes. She remembered the incredible summer they'd spend on board. Only the two of them. A summer that seemed to last for a lifetime. She knew by than, that no Dawson nor anybody could ever get as close to her as Pacey, and she never ever let go of him ever since. As though it cost's them both a lot. His father condemned him for being with the convicts daughter. Dawson so much as ignored them for almost two years. And even then, it took him until last Christmas to let go of his jealousy. But Joey and Pacey hold onto each other. And as this year, at spring break Pacey had asked her to go on a sail trip with him for a wonderful weekend. It had felt like back in these magical summer days. A tear ran down her face. It was passionate and so into each other. Nothing could have torn them apart. He had proposed to her then, after an romantic dinner on deck, in the sunset. There couldn't have been any other answer than a heartfelt yes. She smiled and wiped away the tear. He'd asked if she was okay with Dawson and Jack as his best men, and she loved it. Shortly after, the three of them left for a camping trip... Well, and the rest was history. And now, he'd left her, without even a goodbye. But, technically, he hadn't come back from this camping as well. It was, as if he'd died in that car along with his friends. But no one had noticed it.

She stood and looked out. Than suddenly waving as if she could see his boat fade away. 'Goodbye Pacey. Be save and come back to me. I'll be right here, waiting for you.', she whispered and pretend he could feel her.

After a long while she made her way home. The cold wind stroke her wet skin and she shivered. Suddenly aware of the cold wind. She crossed her arms over her chest, as to hold herself warm, her hand holding close to the tag in her hand, as she went over familiar streets, feeling foreign to her. Thinking about how Dawson could have make a great movie about all of this. _He_ would have been, where she could go to ask for his opinion, to rest. He could have eased her mind... and Paceys.

'Pacey.', she whispered and suddenly found herself on Jens doorstep, who lived with Grams after all. Gazcing over to the familiar Leery house, where the ladder unchanged stood, as if all she had to do, was climbing up and into his window, in the warmth of his room and the comfort of his presence. To find him sitting on his bed, watching E.T. 'Oh, hey Jo... What took you so long?', his voice echoed through her mind and a sudden wave of grief broke over her. After a few deep breathes, Joey knocked on Jen's door. With a bright smile Jen opened, but her face froze as she saw her friend. Overswaet, in wet running clothes outside in the chilly wind, with something in her hand, tears in her eyes. Trying to say something but unable to vocalize anything. Soundless Joey opened and closed her mouth, her helpless, lonely eyes meeting Jen's.

'Joey... Come in, you'll freeze to death out there', she took her friend by the arm into the warmth of the house, sat her on the kitchen table and within seconds have her wrapped in warm woolen blanket and a hot tea in front of her. 'Joey, my god... what has happen?', the blond asked, as she sat beside her friend, and gently stroked her back.

Joey swallowed hard and could not longer hold back her tears. Without one word she laid the tag upon the table. Than meeting her friends view. 'He... he is gone, Jen.', She closed her eyes, sobbed helplessly and felt the tears running down her cheeks, but could not care less. '...gone...', she whispered and tugging her legs tight to herself, wrapped her arms around them, laying her head on her knees and could not stop crying for a long time. Jen sat silent beside her, her arms wrapped around her dear friend. As grams entered the kitchen, she needed not ask, pattered Jen on the shoulder and left the girls alone.

Pacey was away since midnight and was now on the open, it was almost midday by now. Pacey stood on deck of the now nameless ship. His eyes closed as the cold wind caressed his face, stroke through his hair. The sound of the waves and the fluttering sail in his ears. He felt free. The load of the burden seem to loosen itself from his shoulders. He breathed deep, what felt for the first time in forever, and as he opened his eyes finally the tears came and as he cried in heartfelt sobs, clinging to the reiling over the two lost friends, over his guilt of surviving and his most likely lost love, he finally felt alive again.

'But why?', Joey asked Jen. 'Why did he leave? Why wasn't I enough to share his pain, his grief? Why would he rather leave me alone, than take me with him?' Joey had showered and wore a comfortable trousers and a sweater from Jen. 'Why couldn't he even say goodbye and kiss me for one last time?', she whispered. Joey had the blanket around her body, one more hot tea in her cup and was sitting beside her friend in front of a crackling fire inside Grams living room. Her hand tightly wrapped around the cup, one foot on the sofa, her leg tight to her body. Not knowing what to say, Jen kept her silence.

'He left everything. His cell, his keys... Even this...' Joey said slightly bitter and took off her necklace, where she'd put Paceys engagement ring. She smiled a sad, half sided smile. 'I think the wedding's off then.'

'Oh, Joey. I'm so sorry.', Jen hugged her friend and hold her for a long moment. Joey lent her head on Jens shoulder and closed her eyes. 'me too, Jen', she whispered. 'me too...'

They sat in silence for some time. Outside the sky clouded over and a soft autumn rain began to fall.

'Does his family know? And Bessi, had you told her?', Jen asked gentle, and than hesitated. '...and in _Witters_? Do they know, Paceys not coming?' Jen asked in a soft voice, knowing, that Joey would not have thought about this yet, but also knowing it has to be done.

Joey shrugged. 'No I guess.', she let out a small breath. 'Was too busy caring about myself, I think...'

Jen nodded, and laid a hand on Joey's arm. 'What do you say. We'll do, what have to be done and than watch the last episode of _The Creek _in memento? It comes life today.'

'Yeah', Joey nodded. 'But let's watch it in my place, please. Maybe he'll come back...' Jen raised one eyebrow in disbelieve, but said nothing.

Joey and Jen opened the door to Joey's house. Welcoming warmth invited them in. Joey purred some coffee for herself and Jen and than seated herself on the sofa, beside her friend. The living-room was bright and had an astonishing view over the garden and behind it the creek. On carefully chosen spaces hung pictures from Joey and photographies Pacey had made.

As Joey sits and looked around, she saw that one picture was missing. It was one of her, that Pacey had shot short after he'd proposed. Joey lent against the railing and looked at him, bright smiling, behind her nothing but the water and this beautiful sunset. Again she felt the tears rising, but forced them away. Sighed deeply. 'So, now, as all is settled, lets watch this last episode...' Just, as Joey was about to turn the TV on, it knocked on the front door. Joey looked at Jen, and a uncertain smile crept over her face. Could it be, that Pacey would return after all?

Slowly Joey got to the front door and opened. Her heart sank. 'Oh, hi Doug.', she said, merely able to hide her frustration.

'Hi Jo.', he took her into a warm embrace. 'I heard about Pacey, and thought I should look after you.' He smiled uncertain. 'Brought pizza.'

'Sure', she tried a smile but failed. 'Wanna come in? We're just about to watch the last episode of _The Creek_.'

Doug nodded and waved in Jens direction, than seated himself beside her, placed the big carton in the middle of the table.

'A beer, Doug?', Joey asked.

'Yeah, sure. Would appreciate it.' Joey put one out of the refrigerator and throw it over to Doug, sat herself in a comfortable armchair, tugged her legs tight to her body and wrapped herself in a blanket.

The last episode was dedicated to Dawson and ended in a wedding of the main characters two best friends. Joey smiled under some tears and the three of them shared some deeply felt grief.

As it was over, Joey looked to her friends. 'So Doug. How's the going?', her voice soft. 'I mean... with Jack gone?' Doug had spent a huge amount of time with Pacey, Jen and her after Jacks death. He'd become somewhat as a big brother to Joey.

Doug winced as Joey mentioned Jack but forced himself to look ok. 'Yeah, I mean... Nobody knew, Andie had denied it until the end, my family - what shall I say. I never told them.', he sighed deeply. 'so it's quite hard to grieve as I would want to.' He took a deep gulp from his beer. 'And the fact, that he's buried in Providence...', he left the sentence unfinished and sighed again. 'In fact you two and Pacey are the only ones knowing, that... That there was everything at all.', he frowns. Jen caressed his arm and smiling gently at him, leaning her head to his shoulder, what got him to lay one arm around her, as Jack had so often done.

They sat in silence for a long while. Outside the sound had set. Joey wrapped the blanket even closer and watched her two friends cuddle. Feeling unfathomable lonely.

'So, Joey', Doug tilted his head to one side, at least breaking the silence. 'What are you thinking about my little brother? Where is he gone? And more important - why?'

Joey closed her eyes, don't want to think about it. And yet knowing, that she wouldn't come around, anyhow. 'I don't know', she whispered honestly. 'So far as for the _why_.' she shrugged. 'I honestly don't know. I...', she took a deep breath and tried to calm down, her eyes wandered through the room and find a hold on the painting of the True Love. 'He hadn't let me near him, for the whole time. We embraced on the day of the accident, when I came to pick him up at the hospital. He looked like hell.', she fell silent for some time. 'And than on the burial. It was as if he would see me for the first time... Other than that.', she shake her head. 'Nothing, guys. I mean absolutely nothing. No kiss, no hug - not even for comfort. He didn't let me come near.', she looked to her friends. 'And he had really, _really_ bad nightmares. But he wouldn't talk to me about it. Wouldn't have it. None of it.' She sighed. 'I've had a bad feeling all along, since the burial as he had walked to the True Love, I feared, that he would leave with the boat. I never mentioned it to him. To nobody to be honest. I was afraid every time I left for New York and relieved every time, I found him at home when I got back. So, in fact, it has been no big surprise. What I don't understand is, why he didn't say goodbye at least?'

'Jen and I were in the _Witters_ today, to inform them, that Pacey was gone.', she suddenly became aware, that she was crying again and wiped over her eyes angrily. She chewed on her lower lip and than shook her head. 'You know what?', she looked at Doug and the hurt was plain in her view. 'They _knew_, Doug. They knew that he had planned to go sailing and had employed a chef for the not-sure-how-long time of his absence...', she sniffed. 'Could you imagine, how embarrassing this is? You go there, as his fiancé, saying that he'd unexpectedly left. And they... they smile at you, saying, they knew ... _they knew_?' Joey cupped her head with her hands. 'I can't bare this.' She looked at Doug's unreadable face, that reminded her so much of her gone lover. 'Did you know, Doug?', she asked all of a sudden in a bitter voice. 'Honestly, did you know? Do you know where he is, and why he'd left me all alone?' Doug said nothing for a really long time.

Than he shook his head. 'No, not specifically.', Jen looked at him in surprise, but Doug's face was unreadable. 'He mentioned a few weeks ago, that he was thinking about a trip with his boat, but didn't say anything more about it. I figured, that he'd take you with him by nature. But now', he frowned. 'I'm not sure. Maybe I should have listened more carefully.'

Few weeks later

Pacey found himself at a beautiful port and remembered, that he once had take a break with Joey here. He sat on deck of his boat an took a photo out of the inside pocket of his coat. He stroke his hand over his face and placed it over his mouth. There she was, looking at him, smiling the brightest smile. His heart beats faster. Simply looking at her, at this beautiful face, this indescribable brown eyes, which were so overflowing with life and joy was enough to make him homesick. But he couldn't.

He instead put the photograph to his lips and kissed it softly. 'Sorry babe.' and took the photo back in his inside pocket. Slowly he get off board an strode along the port and some streets. Buying himself some beer and ingredients for cooking.

As he came across one public phone, he couldn't resist. He put the bags on his feet, put some coins in the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart.

'Hello, this is Joey Potter.'

His heart beats fast, his breath went faster as well. 'Hello?', she asked, confused. Pacey closed his eyes and lent his forehead on the phone. He hadn't expect her to actually picking up the phone. She normally wasn't at home at this time. Pacey wasn't quite sure, what he'd expected at all. The answering machine or even nothing but the free-line signal. But the sound of her voice nearly was too much for him. 'Hello? Who is there...', her voice soften. He closed his eyes and could almost see her clutching on the phone.

'Pacey...?', he almost let go of the receiver, as she whispered his name, his hand snatched to the cradle, but he stopped as he heard her trying to subdue a sob. 'Please Pacey, if this is you...', she paused and he felt as if she touches something deep inside but long forgotten 'Oh my god, Pace...', he could hear her crying. 'I miss you so much, plea-' He hung up put both of his hands to his face and tried to figure out,m what had made him made that damn call. 'Fuck!', he cursed, stroked through his hair with both hands, than grabbing his bags and leaving for the boat.

Joey stood in the middle of her living room, she clutched to the phone in her hands, she listened to the phone signal and pressed it to her chest. Her heart ached and her stomach felt like knotted. Completely helpless she sunks on the floor and garbed the ring she wore around her neck. Broke deep inside.

Joey, Jen and Doug spent a lot time in the coming weeks, but always at Joey's. She was afraid, to not be there, if he returned. And when she was in New York, she had Jen promise, that she would sleep over.

Joey also spent a huge amount of time painting. It helped her get over the pain of everything. She painted mostly her surroundings, the colors chosen more doleful. But it fits well, as Jen pointed out. 'It is soon winter, alright.', she pointed out, as she watched her friend paint the creek with almost leafless trees and gray in gray sky.

'Yeah', Joey nodded. 'Oh god, I miss him so badly...'

'I know.' Jen stepped closer to her, wrapping her in a hug from behind.

Joey's eyes clouded over as she looked through the window at the _Witters_. 'I wish, I would at least know, what he's doing. With winter on doorstep, he most likely can't be sailing any longer...'


	3. Chapter 2

**Hey everyone. Please let me know, if you like my story. I got a lot in my head and will keep on writing. But with a little feedback, it'll go much easier :-)**

**Not owning anything, but the storyidea.**

**Thanks for the beta!**

Yana

Out of reach

Chapter 2

The wind became icy and the first storm has hit Paceys boat badly. He was more than lucky, he'd made it safe to land after all. It was, as if winter had stroked within the blink of an eye. After a couple of days on shore, he wondered, what to do of his situation. Heading home, was one of many possibilities, and the least attractive. Alone, he sat in the subsection of his nameless boat, sipping on a glass of red wine. He thought about Joey, of Dawson and Jack. Of this huge amount of guilt. Hadn't he invited the two of them to that camping-trip, none of it would have happened. Dawson had a huge carrier started and a sweet irish girl he was dating. Jack had finally lured Doug out of the closet and the two seemed so happy when they were together. And Joey... He missed her badly, but he wouldn't do her any good. It was the best, that he'd left. He would only have destroyed her. And it was more than likely, he'd never return to her.

He let out a deep breath and bite in his French toast, his eyes swept over the newspaper in his hand, as something catched his eye. 'That's it!', a smile crept over his face. Determined he stood and put on his warm boots and warm coat.

Two days later, Pacey approached the small house on the port slowly. Taking a deep breath he tinked on the doorbell and a tall, muscular man opened. 'Come in', he said with a voice, that reminded Pacey of a grizzly bear. He was invited to take a seat. 'So, you are Pacey Witter. I see you have excellent references.' Pacey blushed slightly. 'You can say so, captain.' The man nodded in satisfaction. 'So, when could we get a sample of you competence?' Pacey smiled. 'Anytime, sir.'

'Well than', the other nodded. 'Let's say tomorrow. You'll cook a three course menu. You choose the drinks.' He looked at Pacey, who smiled self confident. 'If you're as good as your reputation, you're my man and can start by next Monday.' Pacey smiled even wider and bowed politely. 'My pleasure.'

Doug, Jen and Joey sat in the warm living-room of Joey's house. A fire ongoing in the chimney. The three shared likely every evening together and most every time Doug and Jen slept over. Joey didn't mind at all. At least the house didn't feel so huge with her two friends and she was less lonely.

Doug sat on the sofa and Jen had her head in his lap. He stroked her blond hair almost automatically and Jens eyes were shut in relish. Joey looked at the two of them and can't resist smiling. Full well knowing what Pacey had to say about this. Making his fun of the two friends. He'd liked to make fun of Jen and Jack, but with Doug, it was different. He was tough and inaccessibly, but ever since Jack died and Pacey was gone, he turned into this very emotionally, nice, open-up guy, that seemed a little as a Pacey-Jack-mixup, but less funny than his brother. He'd tried to track Pacey down, but lost his track down at Florida. Mr. Witter senior had had another heart attack and was now in constant hospital care, his sister cared for their mother and Doug stayed out of it, as best he could.

Joey wrapped herself tighter in a blanket, her legs tugged to her body as she held her cup of tea in both hands. Still smiling to her friends.

'Well, well, you two', she grinned. But was ignored, just Jen gave a small sigh and Doug looking at Joey puzzled.

Jen yawned and looked up to Doug. A moment too long, for Joey's estimation. Than she rubbed her eyes and stretched. 'I'll go upstairs, if you two don't mind. I'm dead tiered.', and stood. She came over and placed a light kiss on Joey's forehead. 'Night, sweety.', than waved in Doug's direction and throw him a hand-kiss, as she once did with Jack. 'Night Dougie-Pie.' Joey burst into laughter. For the first time in what felt like forever. Jen joined her and Doug couldn't help but grin widely. As Joey could breathe again, she giggled and looked at Jen. 'Oh, I must remember to remember _that_ one. Pacey will love it.'

'Yeah, you bet he will!' Jen laughed and placed just another kiss on Joey's cheek. 'I'll be gone. Bye.'

Jen goes tiered regularly early, since the incident a few years ago, when she most literally cheated death, she was on medication, causing exhaustion and forcing her to lay down her job. In that process she miscarried Henry's child and he broke up with her, shortly after. Ever since than, she "jobbed" in Joey's gallery, mostly accompany her, but did the paperwork and scheduling. Coming with her to most exhibitions. They'd grew really close to one another. Jen had a room here for as long as Joey lived in this beautiful house. Even after Pacey had eventually moved in, she'd kept it, Joey had insisted. A small smile flushed over her face. She was grateful, that Jen was the constant in her life, even after all seemed to fall down around her, Jen stayed the same true friend over the years.

Joey settled in her armchair once more, rearranging her blanket. Suddenly aware of Doug's eyes, that were fixed on her. She looked at him and tilted her head slightly to the right.

'So, Joey. What have you meant by that?' Now Joey looked puzzled, it took her a moment to recollect the last bit of their conversation. But than, she smiled a half-smile. 'That Pacey would just love to "Dougie-Pie" you.', she said and pinpointed at him. 'I'd say, that much is obvious', she giggled once more, by the thought of Pacey and silently cursed herself for the third glass of wine she drank earlier.

But Doug looked at her, with a serious look in his eyes. 'What you've said before...', he started, suddenly seemed uncertain of what he was about to say. Joey narrowed her eyebrows, but looked at him. 'As Jen rested her head... You know.', he winced.

Joey chuckled. 'She pretty much did this the whole evening...', She snuggled into her blanket and smiled comfortable. '...for the last couple of days at least...'

Doug blushed slightly and looked away. Wishing Pacey was here to dissipate this situation with one

of his jokes. Or even better, he wished for Jack. He wished for him so desperately, that it almost torn him apart. He could so well understand the urge his brother felt to escape it all. He wished he could have come along. He stared outside in the pitch black darkness.

'Doug?', Joey asked at length, noticed the tears in his eyes.

The tall man stood and began to walk through the room. Slowly he came to a halt and looked in her direction, not seeing her at all - it was the same look Pacey had worn so often these last weeks before he'd chosen to leave it all behind.

'I just... I', he started and bit his lower lip, like Joey used to do. 'I just miss him so much. I-I mean, in fact, I miss them both, but...', he looked at the ceiling and tried to blink away his tears, than looked back at her. 'My god Joey, he's dead.', his voice a mere whisper and heavy with pain. Suddenly Joey hits the conclusion, that Doug actually never had the chance to grieve for his lover in a proper way. He hadn't even been invited to the burial. 'And I... I-I', he stroke his hands through his hair, like Pacey would have done. 'I just don't think, I can ever love any man like I loved him.' His tears sprung over and once again Joey wished for Pacey. He'd know how to handle his so deeply hurting brother better than her. She stood helplessly and stepped closer to Doug and wrapped him in an long, warm embrace. He let his head fall on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her. Let her comfort him and it felt, as if she would carry this burden of grief with him. She let him weep, stroking his back, feeling deeply with him.

There they stood for a long time in silence, until he wasn't crying anymore. He let loose of her and Joey smiled a small smile, tilted her head to one side. 'Better now, isn't it?' she asked, as she offered him a glass of water. He just stood there, drinking the water, looked through the glass of the terrace-door into the night. Slowly he nodded. 'Yeah, much better.', he stated, and than breathed deeply 'Joey, look, I'm sorry.' She looked at him, raising one eyebrow not expecting any apology. 'And for what exactly? Grieving?'

'Essentially, yes... You know, I'm the sheriff and this tough, proud, untouchable man, and...'

'… and happen to be one of my closest friends lately. And let's not forget, brother to my fia-... Pacey.' She broke off, the hurt clearly written all over her face. But Doug looked at her seriously. 'He loves you, Joey. Even more, than I loved Jack. He would do anything for you. He would have waited for you his whole life, hoping that someday you would look at him, and realize, that he was always there. Ever after he broke up with Andie, all he did was waiting for you to see him. He adores you, Jo. Whenever he speaks about you, his face lightens up, his eyes shines. You got under his skins way before you even noticed him. You tear his walls down. You made him the man he is. Head of a restaurant, self confident and so happy. You made him see, what he was capable of, when no one else saw, not even he himself. All he ever wanted is you and as you finally chosen him over Dawson, he couldn't believe for a long time, that you would actually stay with him.' He smiled as he remembered his little brother, asking him, if he stand a chance, Joey would expect his proposal. And the glow that surrounded him, as she finally wore his ring. 'He loved you always, Jo.', his voice softens. 'even at times, you wouldn't have any of it.' She looked at him, with this great, wind-clouded eyes, tears stood on the edge of falling, but she wouldn't let them.

'Oh yeah?', she asked with a shaky voice and the bitterness was clearly to be heard. 'And where is he now, Doug? If I'm so special to him, as you think. Where is he and why didn't he even bother to say goodbye?' She knew she was slightly unfair, but it hurts so deep. And she knew, had he bid her goodbye, she'd probably begged him to stay or let her go along with him. And maybe, he just couldn't bear her presence after all.

'I honestly don't know, Jo. But I know that he loves you. He loves you like crazy. Like I love...', his eyes wandering through the room, up the stairs to hang on the door through which Jen had disappeared hours ago.

Joey shook her head. 'You're in love with Jen?', she gave him an unbelieving look, and raised one eyebrow. 'No way. I thought you were...'

'I loved women long before I loved Jack.', he looked Joey straight in the eyes. 'I loved Jack. I loved him truly... madly and as deep as love can go, Joey. But I'm not able to love another man, do the things I've done with him... I wouldn't be able to share this kind of ...intimacy with any other than him.', he fell silent for some time. Than smiled shyly and crinkled his lips. 'I've fallen head over heels for Jen. This times we share together are so precious to me. And before you guess - no I'm not using her as compensate for Jack. Nobody could ever compensate for him. As nobody could compensate for Dawson ...or Pacey, if you will. But does that mean there can be no other. Not someone to fill the whole somebody left, but someone that makes you feel complete again, loved... alive?' Joey looked into his eyes. Beautiful, brown eyes, true and deep, eyes that so much reminded her of Pacey, that it almost hurts. She understood all of what he was saying and at length she nodded.

'Yes, Doug, I believe that we all have to move on eventually. And if your moving on is with Jen, I'd be more than happy for the both of you, truly. But', she took his hand and gave him a half smile. 'I think you should go and say your goodbye first.'

Doug frowned and a shiver ran through his body. Than he nodded slowly. 'Yeah, you're right.' he hesitated. 'Uhm, Jo?'

'hm?', she looked him in the eyes.

'Would you come with me?'

She smiled and nodded. 'Sure, Doug. I'd love to.' He draw her in a huge hug and for a moment she closed her eyes. He smelled almost as Pacey did, and for a moment there, she could believe that it was actually him instead of Doug.

As he loosen the embrace, she held onto him and a surprised look flushed over his face, but he closed his arms once again around her and held her tight. 'He called...' She whispered to his chest. All of a sudden in the need to share it with him.

'Pace?', Doug asked softly, the surprise clearly to be heard.

'Yeah.', her voice scarcely audible.

'What did he say?' Doug asked in a soft voice and stroked firmly over her hair.

'Actually...', she sighed. '...well, actually nothing, really. I can't even say for sure, that it was him. But I... sort of felt it?' It sounded more like a question. She buried her face on his chest, her voice a mere dull. 'I miss him so badly, Doug. I wanna know, where he is and why he left me all alone ... and if by chance he'd come home someday.'

Doug closed his eyes and held her tight. Saying nothing.

He let down his luggage. His eyes widened, as a looked around "the room" he'd been given. Actually it was more like an apartment. There was a little kitchen with a cooking area and a table with two chairs. A bathroom with shower and a tube, a living-room with a desk, sofa, sound and TV. And a small bedroom with a king-sized bed. There were portholes in every room. The furniture was wooden and the lights could be dimmed to a very homely state. He smiled and looked through one of these round windows at the sea out there. Actually not believing, that this really was happening.

Smiling he turned to unpack the few things he'd brought.

Than he took a quick shower, shaved blank and than headed to the kitchen, where he was expected as new head chef. His smile grew even brighter as he walked down the great inner halls of this cruiser. It was as if there was a whole town down there, dozens of shops, little restaurant, even a cinema, two bars, a fitness-studio, even a golf-trail. On the outside was a pool and a separate section with water-fun stuff and a great hawaiish bar and plenty of sun-loungers and tables. Surely he hadn't the time to check it out just now, not that he had the desire to do so, but the captain had given him a tour last Wednesday, as he signed the contract, that employed him for at least the next three month and than – if everything worked out – open-ended.

But his way led him to the cruisers main-kitchen. The local room thrice as big as The Witters, what had therefore been the Icehouse. With plenty of room to dance. It was elegantly furnished and the lights flooded smoothly through it. There was the captains table and all the noble guests and some sorted out shop-keepers would be sitting here by evening, for the great opening dinner, with dance and all.

Few women were busy to do the last arrangements, putting candles and tissues on the tables, polishing the last few glasses and checking the bar for completeness. He greeted them politely and was repaid with smiles and and warm greetings, as if he had been here forever.

He stepped in _his_ kitchen and a deep feeling of pride swamped over him. As he was here last week to prove himself the right man for the job, it had all linked together and he was pretty sure, that he and his staff would be an unbeatable team. He rubbed his hands together. This was great.

'So, now - let's get to work everybody.'

On this exact day Doug and Joey sat in his car, droving down the road to Providence. It was an icy early morning and it took at least twenty minutes, until the car warmed up enough for Joey to stop shivering. They shared an awkward silence. Outside there were thick clouds and slowly it began to snow. And with the thick snowflakes, that soon covered all of the surroundings, came the guarantee, that Pacey would be away for winter. Joey sighed deeply and looked outside.

After a long while of driving, they get to a halt and Doug breathed deeply. 'That's it, than...', he looked to Joey who nodded reassuringly. 'First things first. Let's do it, sheriff.' She smiled and opened the car-door, not prepared for the stinging cold, that hit her literally in the face as she got out of the warmth of Doug's car.

She pulled her coat closer and winded her shawl several times around her neck and over her mouth, put on her red woolen cap and gloves. Relieved, that she'd put on her warm boots.

Doug locked the car carefully and stood uncertain at the great, snow-covered graveyard gate. Joey looked at him for a while, tried to keep this sight in mind to put it on a canvas A small smile crossed her face, as she suddenly remembered, how she once draw Jack, naked, in her sisters living-room. She put her glove-covered hands in her pocket and stepped beside him. 'Are you ready?' He nodded uncertain. 'As ready as I'm ever going to be', he answered. Joey linked her arm with his and slowly they walked down the alley. The snow quieting every noise, only the soft crunching of the snow as they silently walked audible. The graveyard lay very peaceful and tranquil under this mantle of slowly falling snow, as if tucked goodnight by a caring mother.

They walked a short way, before they arrived and stood in front of his grave several minutes in pure silence. She read the epitaph and wondered why it had to be him. Doug slowly winded down, his breath became more even and he slowly eased down as he knelt and put the single red rose on the snow covered grave. He lingered there a long time. Joey would have lain a hand on his shoulder, but knew, that he'd had to deal with this one alone. Instead she put her hands back in the pockets of her coat and waited in endless patience. Let the snow-covered graveyard and the atmosphere inspire her for new paintings. She closed her eyes and thought of Jack.

'Farewell my love', Doug whispered at length and wiped away a secret tear. And suddenly, as if to comfort him, a soft sun-ray broke through the snow heavy clouds and shifted over the kneeling man, lingered for a short moment on him and than it was gone.

Doug stood and for a while, they stayed and remembered him. Than Doug linked his arm with hers, took one last look at Jacks grave and turned to walk the alley for his car and drove home.

Joey stood in front of a canvas color plate and painting brush in hand. Outside it was pitch-black, the snow ankle-deep. The Witters stand in it's Christmas dress and she'd been asked, if Pacey would return for the Christmas-zenith, but all she could do was shaking her head in ignorance. Eventually not knowing it.

Joey had lighten her atelier up. It was in fact the first time, that she'd been out of her house on that time of the day, expect the times she'd been to NY. Ever afraid to miss his return.

She fixed the canvas in front of her and closed her eyes, tried to call back the images, that she'd soaked in a few days ago as she was with Doug in Providence. With slow moves she tried to ban some of her memories on the canvas but failing. Her thought drifting to Pacey.

Like in slow motion she began to slide the brush ever so gentle over the canvas and created a wonderful composition of light and shadow. The picture metabolically. A mans silhouette under a arch made of black stone, with silver gates. Before him lay a snow covered graveyard, and the clouds hung on the sky heavily.

And after hours she'd spent just looking at her work she began another one. The same man, in front of a grave, his face not visible to the viewer. He knelt and the beholder looking at his back. Over him, before him, a red rose in the white snow - the heavy sky opened and submerged him in a soft sun ray. Joey smiled as she softly painted the last few strokes and than let her painting brush sink.

'This is beautiful, Joey.' Jen stated from behind her. Joey startled a little, because she hadn't heard Jen coming, but kept on looking on the picture.

'It is, isn't it?', she was suddenly aware, that tears were running down her cheeks.

'Is this Pacey?', Jen asked gentle.

Joey shook her head lightly and sniffed. 'No...no Jen. It's Doug.', she turned her head to meet Jens gaze and smiled sadly. 'We were at Providence so he could bid him farewell.' She turned fully and let her tears run free. Couldn't do anything about them. She cried a lot lately. Joey noticed, that it was still in the middle of the night. 'What are you doing here, anyway? Mustn't you be in bed?'

'I...I've found your note and...', she silenced and just starred at the canvas. Joey'd left a note at her door, in case Pacey returned, that says's she'd be found here. But never had she expected Jen to come over so late, but for something real important. If anyone had dropped by, so it would be Doug on night-shift. Or maybe Bessie, they saw each other rarely these past month. Mostly because Bessie would have Joey forget about the "untruthful Witter-boy" of whom she "never expected anything more than run away, when things got rough". Joey shook her head and than looked back at her fried, who was clearly banned.

'Jen?' But Jen didn't quite pay attention to Joey, she just drank in the picture.

Jen slowly rid herself from the picture and looked at Joey. Opened and closed her mouth a couple of times but unable to find the words. Joey smiled a half smile and turned to the sink, to wash out her brushes.

'He loved him much, now, didn't he?', Jen asked at length.

'Yes, he did', Joey stated. 'But he will move on naturally, when he's right for it.'

'Yeah', Jen sighed.

Joey grabbed her coat and linked her arm with Jens, suddenly get the feeling, that Doug could get a chance, if he was ready for it, but beware to give anything away. 'Let's get out of here. Home, I'd say. Or would you like to have a non-alcoholic cocktail at Witters?'

'Definitely home.', Jen smiled. All to aware, that being at the Witters wouldn't be good for Joey after all. So she linked her arm with her friends, after Joey locked the door carefully and set the alarm ready. Thick snowflakes falling and drawing everything in magical light and silence. Together the two friends walked to Joey's house in total comforting silence. Joey leant her head to Jen's shoulder as they walked. 'I'm glad I have you, Jen.'

Jen smiled. 'Me too, Joey.'


	4. Chapter 3

Waah :-) I got a follower *hurray* Thanks for the reviews, please keep them going.

I hope you like this chapter, sorry it took me a while, but it's a little longer than the last ones were. Please let me know, what you think (review, PM... everything's appreciated). It's important to me.

And when you've finished reading - answer the question below :-)

Have a good read!

Yana

Out of reach

Chapter 3

Softly he kissed her lips, ever so gentle brushed his lips overs her soft ones, barely touching. Her soft sigh encouraged him to go on and so deepens the kiss. Slowly his hands slip underneath her shirt, felt her hands under his and moaned at the sensation of her touch, felt throughout electrified. She pulled his shirt over his head in one smooth move and smiled at him. Drinking in his fairly shaped body, trace his muscle-lines with her fingertips. He grinned.

'Pleased?', he smirked and as she nodded while biting on her lower lip, he pulled off her shirt and drawing her body to his. Closes his eyes, buried his head on her neck and kissed her there ever so softly. Breathing her in.

She directed him to the big bed and pulled him down with her. His body landing above hers, but he caught himself with his muscular arms, so he didn't fell on her. She felt his hard-on on her waist. He groaned and wrapped her in an tight embrace. Kissing her passionately and very deep. 'Oh god Joey, I've missed you...'

She froze instantly and pushed him away, looked in his face and his puzzled gaze, that flushed over with the realization of what he just said. 'Oh my...', he rolled off of her and rubbed his hands over his face. 'I'm sorry, Audrey.', he dared not look her in the eyes. 'I better leave now.' He sat on the edge of the king-sized bed and pulled his shirt back on, as he felt her hand on his arm. 'Pacey.' , she smiled. 'I should have known, that a man like you aren't free.' He looked at her amazed, not knowing what to say.

She smiled and shrugged. 'So be it, never mind.'

He nodded. 'I'm sorry, Aud...'

'Look, Mr. Witter. What do you think. Some red wine, my sofa... And you making it up by telling me your story?' She grinned impish and he sighed in relieve. He would have hated to lost her friendship over one moment, in which he'd forgotten himself.

'Yeah... Yeah, I think, that sounds great!'

So, he found himself on her sofa and she purred them red wine. She sat on the opposite side of the large leather sofa, took her glass of wine and looked at him. 'So, now it's your turn, I guess.', she smiled gently and her long golden hair en-framed her beautiful face. This nice woman, which became his friend so quickly and know nothing about him really. 'Who is she - this Joey. And how come she let you hot guy go on a cruise all on your own?'

He shook his head impalpable and pursed his lips. Than took a deep sip of the sweet thick red wine, looked into the almost purple liquid. He breathed deep and began to tell his story.

'Where shall I begin? Well, Joey she is... She is sort of the love of my life, I guess.' he smiled softly. 'I think, I wanted her almost my entire teenage life at least. She's intelligent, funny, passionate, a little dreamy I guess.' She saw his face lighten up and his soften sad and musing eyes shine, as he spoke of this mysterious girl, whom he never once mentioned before. 'She's an optimist, despite all the terrible things that had happened to her, before she even turned fourteen. She mocks me and we used to fight almost every day when we were at high school. She is entirely gorgeous. It took me quite a while until I realized, that I didn't found her as much disgusting as I wanted everyone to believe. In fact, I dated another girl, just to make sure, she didn't get the wrong idea.' Pacey took a sip of wine. 'And than, some day, we were at Gwen's place, she is the aunt of Dawson, who was my best friend and Joey's...', he paused and searched for the right word. 'innocent love. Well. We kissed. In fact, she kissed me as I excepted it the least and I just, I …couldn't believe it. She was into Dawson so long and he in fact was the cause, that Joey and I... well, that I always thought, her and me wouldn't just never work out. But it somehow, suddenly it did.' he shook his head. 'That georgous girl kissed me, _me_...', it seemed, as he still couldn't believe it. 'She fell for me, and loved me ever since.'

'Well, sounds like a hell of a girl to me. What happened?'

'Yeah, she is' He pursed his lips, His eyes went nowhere and the light around him fades. He took another sip. 'Well, our relationship costs us the best friend in the world. The one, we could count on no matter what. And at some points I thought, Joey would just leave me, because he was so much better in... well in everything than I could ever hope to be.' He sighed. 'To make a long story short. We spent 3 month of summer on my sailboat. I named it _True Love_, apparently after her. It was the best summer of my life. Dawson got to college after high school and became a director – you properly know _The Ceek_.', he shot her a short look and she nodded. 'Joey got to Boston and studied art. And wow, Audrey, she is so _damn talented_! I got to Boston a year later and learned some basic cooking stuff. You know, it's what I do. Blame her, she said, I was good at it...' She chuckled at that and grinned. 'Yeah. We came back and last spring I proposed to her and she said yes. We wanted to marry in late April next year. I took this, after she took my ring.' He pulled her photograph out of his inner pocket and showed it to Audrey, his eyes lit up at the memory of that special moment. 'God, I was the happiest guy in all the word. This was my dream come true - amazing Joey would marry me. _Me!_ Unbelievable... But it was a dream.'

'Wow, Pacey, she _is_ beautiful.' Audrey looked at him and laid her hand on his. 'So, why did you left her? It seems to me, that she made you really happy. It... wasn't that other guy.. this Dawson-man?', she asked and tilted her head to one side. 'Cheated she on you?'

'No', he chuckled. 'no, she would never...', his voice getting softer. 'No. But also... Yes, in the matter of fact, it was about Dawson, but not the way you think. If one other thing can be said about Joey: she is the most devoted and true person you can think of. If she loves, she loves wholeheartedly and nothing can tear her away from you. She proved it to me on many occasions.' he paused. 'But to get to the point. I asked Dawson and another friend, Jack, to a camping-trip and there I'd asked them, to be my best men. And they would, Audrey. Even Dawson would and that meant a lot to me. So we'd made our way home. It was raining shit and hell. Than - suddenly - there was this truck...', he swallowed and his eyes showed the horror he felt and he looked down and covered his head with both hands. '...they died. Both of them. And I guess, I blame it on me.' His voice was hardly audible at the end.

'Oh no, Pacey...', she said, shaking her head and trying to reassure him.

'That's what she said. But no one seems to get it the way I do. If they hadn't gone to that trip with me, they would be alive. If I never proposed to Joey, we hadn't gone to that trip. If she'd never kissed me, the way she did, all those years ago...'

'No, Pacey.', she starred at him. 'You mustn't even _think_ that way.'

He stood and began to walk through the room, stroking his hair with his hands. 'I couldn't bare her touch, not _once_ after the crash. I never ever kissed her since. I couldn't stand her voice, her comforts, her presence.' he sighed. 'It was, as if I was dead inside. I felt nothing but hate and emptiness and disgust. I've had bad nightmares, still have them. She tried to soothe me, but it made it all worse. I have a restaurant at home and so I worked often through the night and hoped, that she would be fast asleep, when I'd come home. I couldn't look her in the eyes, because I felt this huge amount of anger and if this is possible, even more guilt towards her and everyone, though she'd never blamed me. No one did.' He stopped walking and looked at her serious face. She didn't seem to miss the point. 'Wanna know, what I said to her, as she came to get me after the accident?'

Audrey nodded, but wasn't sure, she really wanted to. If she'd know, that the question about that girl, would open Pandora's Box, she'd never asked. She felt deeply sorry for him and in a way this was maybe her chance to get to know that wonderful man for who he really was and not who he pretended to be.

He took a deep breath. 'I said: I'm sorry for surviving.' He looked out of the round window. 'And I still mean it.'

The woman stood and walked her way towards him and slapped him. Her eyes fierce and her face all serious. 'Don't you ever, _ever_ say that again!'

He looked at her, trying to figure out, what had earned him that slap. Than he said simply 'But it is the way I feel. I go in the exercise room for nearly 2 hours a day, I swim for another one. Every day since I got to that ship, but the only time, I feel really alive, really good about me is when I'm working, Audrey. Only than, it's really me. My staff were the only people that knew I was going to get away. Nobody else. No my brother, whose lover it was, I took away. Not my sisters. Not my parent, nit that they'd care. Not any of my friends and for sure not Joey. But before I left, _weeks_ before that, I employed a head chef, to make sure, that the restaurant would not suffer.' He dared not look into her eyes.

Audrey didn't know what to make of it and she looked at him in disbelieve. 'And than you've simply left her?'

'Yeah, quintessentially.' He shrugged. 'I couldn't bare it any longer. I watched her sleeping, after she'd helped me through another painful nightmare. She looked so peacefully, her hand still on my chest. I kissed her forehead and held her a while. I left a note on my pillow, though - and my engagement-ring. I went to the graveyard and bit Dawson farewell. I removed the name tag of my ship and left it on the dock, too. I didn't say goodbye, for she would have not let me go, or even worse asked if I would take her with me... And I just couldn't', he pured his lips. 'And even if I felt some guilt as I get on board... As I sailed on the open sea, I felt nothing but utter relieve.' She looked at him, as if she saw him for the first time. 'I don't know, but at the break of dawn, as the sun rose and the wind caressed my face and I was out there, all on my own. I could finally cry. Oh my... Audrey, I felt alive again, for the first time in what felt like forever.' His eyes lit up and a glow shone on his face.

'Yeah, I bet.' Her expression unreadable, her voice all but toneless. 'But you know what? She must be dying of worry, anxiousness and sorrow.' Audrey had sat down again and her voice softened, as she looked on the photograph and handed it over to him. 'She must love you very much. Just look at her.' And he did. 'Do she at least know, where you are. That you're ok?'

He shook his head and put the picture back in his pocket. 'Though I called her once, shortly after I've left. But said nothing. Well, I think, she knew it was me...'

'Do you still love her?', she asked him bluntly. 'Because, it was _her name_ on your lips...'

'I...', he hesitated. 'I... I think... I don't know...'

Joey walked down the mall, she had two big shopping bags in one hand. Her other arm was linked with Jens. Christmas was everywhere. There were lights and jingles, music and happy faces all over. She breathed deep. The air smelt like vanilla and cinnamon and tastes like childhood. It was the first time since Pacey was gone, that she was away from Capeside.

Joey smiled and leant her head against Jens shoulder, she felt amazing. 'Thanks Jen.'

Her friend laughed at her. 'And for what exactly?'

'For taking me along.'

Jen smiled brightly. 'You're very, very, _very_ welcome my dear!' She showed with her head in one direction. 'What do you think? Coffey and a slice of that amazing cake?' She pointed on a big cinnamon cream gateau.

Joey nodded and shot Jen a huge smile. 'I would love that!'

They sat on one of the round tables and put their coffees and their cake on it and Joey sighed pleased. 'Oh my, that feels so good!', she streched her legs and had a satisfied small smile on her lips.

'Yeah, I bet.' Jen smirked, pleased that Joey was totally at ease for the first time in a long time. 'Joey, can I ask you something?'

'Anything, dear.' Joey leant back in her chair, plate in hand.

'Do you think that... Oh my, this is so absurd, you will laugh at me, for even thinking that.'

'Just spill it.' Joey said curious, but believed she might have a clue in which direction that would lead. She took a forkful of cake in her mouth, closed her eyes, sighs satisfied and chewed pleasurable.

'It's about Doug.' Jen frowned. 'Do you think, he behaves strangely around me lately?'

Joey stopped chewing for a moment and thought about her answer. Than she swallowed and licked her lips. 'Maybe...', she raised an eyebrow. 'It depends...?'

'He looks at me strangely. I think, he is uncomfortable with me laying my head in his lap as I used to do. Yesterday I kissed him on the cheek for a _thank you_, after he helped me with the Christmas-tree... And he looked me in the eyes like... like...', she let out her breath and bit her lower lip. '..like he wanted to kiss me?' She made it sound like a question.

'Than, maybe he wanted to?' Joey asked back, sure that this was a safe reply.

'But... He is _gay_, Joey.'

Joey laughed and drank some of her coffey. 'Oh man, this is so goddamn delicious.'

'Joey!' Jen insisted.

'What?' She shrugged. 'He is bisexual at the least. He had some girlfriends before Jack.'

'So, what do you think?' Jen frizzed her forehead. 'Do you think... he... he likes me?'

'Yeah he likes you, Jen...' Joey said confidently and nodded, a half-sided smile on her face. 'He likes me too. And Grams... In fact, I think he loves Grams.'

'You twerp!' Jen laughed and throw her coffee-cookie at her. 'I mean... Do you think he likes me like Pa-', she cleared her throat. '...you know...'

'And you?' Joey watched her friend closely, while eating another piece of her cake, sighing as she chewed and leaning back once again. She watched her friend closley and Jen's face softens. Joey smiled gently at her. 'Jen, I don't know. And even if I would have to guess, I wouldn't!' She put her plate down and took one of Jens hands in her own, looking at her seriously.

'Just do me a favor?' Jen nodded. 'Be careful with him. Take it slow and when you think, he would like to kiss you and you would likewise - do it. Because, I don't think, he would do it, unless he knows onehundred percent, that you wouldn't mind. Because he wouldn't for sure not risk the friendship you two have.'

'Joey...?' Jen asked forebodingly. 'Do you know something here?' and she narrowed her eyes.

Joey just smiled and tilted her head. 'No, honey.'

Pacey stands on the deck of the cruiser. Wearing a smart uniform and loosened his bow tie. Inside they were playing _Last Christmas_ and he just couldn't stop thinking about Joey. It was way after midnight. The buffet long served and he could finally call it a day. He loved his job, but on days like this, it was very exhausting. He stood in the kitchen nearly all day, cooking, organizing. He loved every bit of it. And he'd spent the last few days planning this evening. He'd gotten a lot of praise today and so he was pleased with what he'd had accomplished.

During this weeks on board he rarely thought about anything despite work. He met some interesting people and even made some friends. He was happy and frisky and joking nearly all the time. The crew loved him and he loved it, to be here.

But in this exact moment, he felt a longing pain, that hadn't been there for some time now. He gazed up to the starry sky and saw the full moon. A heartfelt sigh escaped his lips.

'Hey there, Pacey'

He turned and smiled at the beautiful woman that appeared besides him. Long blond hair, taken to an artfully up-do and still wearing her job-dress. She worked as waitress and the fact, that she was here means, that the Christmasparty would be over soon. She naturally laid her hand on his back and kissed his cheek. 'Merry Christmas, Pacey.'

'Yeah. Merry Christmas, Audrey', he said and turned back to the water and the starry sky.

After he'd opened up to her few weeks ago in a way, that he hadn't intended, but was rewarded with true friendship. They spent many evenings together and enjoyed being close and understood, without any relationship-stuff between them.

'So now, have you called her?'

He shook his head. 'No, I...' He looked her in the eyes a moment to long. Beautiful eyes that he he realizes he could drown in. Than he cleared his throad. 'Look, Audrey, I just don't know, what to say to her.'

'Try with _Merry Christmas, Joey_...?', she smiled, but he looked away.

'And than she'll ask me, why I've been gone. Why I haven't said goodbye. If I'm coming home and when...' He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. '...and if I still love her.' And it literally torn him apart.

Audrey was silent for a very long time than she nodded, looked out in the same direction as Pacey.

'Yeah. Yeah, I think, she'll ask you all those things. Maybe more. And honestly?' She stroke his back, with the hand that was still on it and it made him shiver. 'I think she has every right to do so.'

He nodded slowly and than shook his head.

'I can't answer any of those questions. I just... I can't.' He whispered. Not knowing, why he opened up to that woman beside him in such an intimate way. But than - whom else could he turn to?

'You were going to marry her, Pacey, and you left her without even the slightest bit. If you'd ask me - she will be somewhere between terrified, anxious, deadly sad and unbearably lonely.'

'Thanks, Audrey. That helps a lot.' He grinned helplessly and tried to swallowing on the lump in his throat.

'Yeah, or so I thought.' She patted him on the shoulder and than linked her arm with his. 'So my dear friend. My shift is over.' She shot him a flirtatious look but give herself away with the jokingly sparkle in her eyes. 'You promised me company.' He grinned and turned towards her. 'I did, my lady. And as they say, a promise is a promise, I guess.'

'Well than, what do you think? Come to my room and drowning some of the guilt in some sparkling wine? Or do you wanna dance?'

He smirked and shortly gave it a thought, but was afraid, of what this could lead to. 'I don't dance, I guess.'

'Ok, the sparkling wine it is', she smiled and he breathed deeply and the looked at her relieved. 'That would be exactly what I need.' And with one last gaze to the full moon he turned and led Audrey into the cruiser and through the huge ship to her apartment.

Joey locked the door behind her friends. What a strange feeling it was, to be all alone in this huge house. Bessie, Alex and Bodie couldn't come, for they had guests at the B&amp;B. They'd rang through earlier that day, with warm Christmaswishes. Jen had to walk Grams home and planned to stay there for the night, due to her health status. Doug was the last to left for his night shift. Now she looked around. They had all together done the tidy up, so that there was nothing left to do.

She sighed, turned off the music and poured herself some more thick red wine. Slowly she grabbed her coat and went outside in the garden. For a moment there, she'd thought about going to the port, but discard the idea. It would only hurt too much and there would no ship be coming. The creek was freezed over, and even if it were not, she'd given up hope, that he would come back this year.

It was icy, the snow was deep and the sky was clear.. She took a deep gulp of wine and looked to the starry sky and the beautiful full moon. Oh, how she wished for Pacey. He was the only person, she'd wanted for Christmas, and the single one missing - besides those friends, who'd been with them from heaven. She wrapped her arms around her slim body and refused the urge to give up hope.

_'Sometimes I wish, I could grieve for him like for our lost friends. Than the pain would eventually grow less and I would at least know, that waiting wouldn't make sense.' __S__he said to Doug earlier this day. __'I could begin to move on, but that waiting and hoping and hurting... It's just so hard. To not knowing, if it even make sense...' __All he did was wrapping his strong, comforting arm around her and stroke her back, 'Yeah, honey. I know.'_

That was all she spoke about Pacey the whole day. In fact, it was the only time in weeks, that she'd spoken about him to anyone. Almost leading a normal life, without teary nights and heavy days.

But now? Now he was all, she could think about, wondering, if he thought about her too or if he'd had forgotten her. Or even worse, found comfort in another womans arms. She put his ring in her hand, that she wore ever since he left on a necklace.

She stood there for a long time, drank her wine and wondered. Slowly the cold creped under her coat and she began to shiver. Joey sighed and turned to her house. Beautifully lit with white lights and the shine from the Christmas-tree inside the living-room. She smiled sadly and went inside, left her shoes on a carpet on the doorstep, left her glass on the table in front of the sofa and slowly walked herself upstairs to her bedroom.

She felt miserable, for the first time in weeks, the longing and the unbearable pain of not knowing where he was and if he even still loved her. Joey stand in the long hallway and starred down for a while. Wondering, if he would cry for her, if she fell.

The heavy silence seemed to overwhelm her. She breathed deep and get to the big bathroom. She changes in her warm pajamas, brushed her teeth. Looking in the mirror she tried to blink away the tears. She hated them. Swearing, that she wouldn't cry over him this night. She put a handful of warm water in her face, dried it and walked out the door and into the bedroom. Joey looked around and sighed.

Slowly she sat on her side of the bed, kissing a photograph of Pacey, which stood on her bedside table. Than she cuddled into the blanket and looked through the wide window outside and into the night for a long time, until her eyes fell shut.

It was around 4am as Pacey finally entered his apartment. He was at Audrey's for about two hours and than again on the deck of the cruiser to let the warm Caribbean wind caresses his face. As the night slowly began to turn into morning he had turned to the inside and now he stood here.

His gaze drifted through the room and stick to Joey picture, that he'd hung on the wall a few weeks earlier. Just after he'd talked with Audrey, she presented him with a beautiful but simple frame. Perfect for this special photograph.

Unsure of what to do, he sunk on the sofa and covered his face with his hands.

So he sat for a long while, until he picked up the phone and dialed a number he knew by heart. His breath comes fast and his heart beating like crazy. He listened to the free-line signal for what seemed like eternity, and than she answered the phone... And as she called his name, his heart skipped a beat...

Joey startled in her sleep and waked from what, she was not sure of. It took her several moments to realize, that the phone was ringing. With her heart pounding like it would sprung from her ribs and shaking hands, she took the phone and answered it.

'Josephine Potter.', she said with a voice heavy from sleep. Silence on the other end, and she knew - she just knew it was him.

'Pacey?' She held a hand on her mouth to not let him hear her sudden sob. 'Pacey is this you?' Her voice clearly gave her tears away. She held on to the phone, as if it could save her from drowning.

'Please Pace...', she whispered and than she said nothing for a long while. She looked to his face on the photograph and nothing could stop the sudden wave of sadness, but also the urge to talk to him. 'You're missing a lot here! Doug could need your ear, you know, and not for the reason you think.' she smiled a sad smile. 'Jen has a cute nickname for him, you would love it. They were all here tonight, well... all but Bessie and her guys, you know - B&amp;B calling. And you of course. Although, we've got a spare place for you, just in case.' She silenced a moment, let her words get through to him. Feeling the tears running down her face and sure her voice gave them away, but not caring. 'Doug made Lasagna, but nobody makes it quite like you.' Another moment of anybody saying anything. 'I don't think, I can take this much longer, Pacey...' She she whispered and swallowed and than took a deep breath. 'Before I get the idea that maybe I'm going to get totally crazy, talking to an entirely quiet phone, that perhaps never rang and somehow get the idea of schizophrenia... Please Pacey', she whispered. 'Say something. Anything. Please let me know, it's really you and not my head, messing with me. Please...' Her last words getting even softer and than were a mere whisper.

Pacey was staring at the picture on the wall, speechless of the pain in her voice and struck by the guilt of knowing, that he was it's cause. He swallowed hard. Knew that he couldn't say the things he wanted to say nor those things, she desperately wanted to hear. Reassuring her, that he would come home soon, that he loved her and that she mustn't worry anymore. So he said the only thing, that came to mind.

'Merry Christmas Joey.'

Than he hung up.

_TBC..._

**Soooo... The question is: Should Pacey stay true to Joey or have a little affair with wonderful Audrey here?**


	5. Chapter 4

**Thank you guys so much for the amazing reviews and the favorites :-) I'm really glad you like my stuff. Kepp on reviewing and I'll keep on writing.**

**Have fun - and sorry for the delay, I've had a flu and couldn't quite think straight...**

**Yana**

Out of reach

Chapter 4

Jen and Doug had kissed on New Years eve. It had started out with a kiss on the cheek from friend to friend and a long hug. A very long hug. And an even longer stare in each others eyes. Until it ended in a very slowly, very cautious and uncertain kiss, that lasted long and ended with laughter of relieve. It was the happiest night in a long time. They drank champagne and clinked glasses not only on the beginning year, but also to the new found love and to lost ones. They laughed the night away and Jen and Doug ended up, like they always did; Jen's head rested in Doug's lap, he caressed Jen's long blond hair absentminded, with a huge smile on his face, which made him look even more like Pacey, Jen's eyes closed in pure joy. The two of them fell asleep on the couch and Joey covered them with a woolen blanket. Smiled half sadly, half happily and spent another very lonely night in that oversize bed, that happened to be a shared one and was jet an abandoned one for so long. But as Joey laid there this night, she vowed to herself, that she wouldn't drown in pain as she had for these last month.

Doug and Jen started everything slowly, mocked about what Pacey would have to say and were simply happy, that the elephant in the room was finally let out.

Joey was out with Jen quite regularly these winter days, had real fun and was even flirting one time or two.

But with the break of spring, she'd hoped, that Pacey would return, but he didn't... And as the winter slowly passed away and with the first warm days, Joey's mood getting worse.

Every morning her run would lead her to the port. She stood there and starred out in the open, hoping that a shadow would finally declare Pacey's return, but every day she came back a little bit more hopeless. When Joey entered the gallery and smelled fresh hot coffee and heard Jen's enthusiastic 'Good morning, honey', she automatically blinked away her tears and set on her brightest smile for her friend.

She spent long hours in her gallery, trying to paint, but she'd seemed to have lost her inspiration. Nothing came out of it. It was really frustrating. But the worst was, nobody seemed to realize, that the pain was drowning her. It was probably for the best.

Every day it gets a little worse. She never visited Bessie anymore, for her sister surely needed no more than one good look to know, how she felt. And weren't Jen in lovers-world she'd noticed, too.

In early March Joey was in New York for a very important art exhibition. She wore a knee-long green dress, with brown pumps, her hair was done in a messy knot and she enjoyed, being surrounded by art and people that don't know her, to chit-chat here and there and not least to be able to sell a few of her pieces.

Late this night, as almost all the crowd had left, Caroline - Joey's assistant in New York, a slender woman in her early thirties, wearing a simple night blue pantsuit - approached her.

'Joey, do you by chance have a moment?' Joey excused herself to the elderly man she'd been talking with and turned to Caroline.

'Sure.'

'Come, sit with me', the excitement in her voice wakened Joey curiosity as she sat beside Caroline on a bis black leather couch. Her assistant poured them both champagne and looked at Joey with sparkling eyes.

'I've got such an amazing offer for you, Joey. It's just incredible!'

Joey listened to what Caroline had to say and than took one of her hands.

'Yeah, that sounds fantastic.', Caroline nodded, but as she set to speak again, Joey held her other hand up. 'But I'm sorry, Caro. I can't take it... at least not now.', her voice was soft and the regret was clear to be seen. 'This is just not the right time.' She curled her lips. 'Sorry.'

'Yeah... sure.' Caroline blinked her disbelief away and shook her head. 'Sure, okay.'

Audrey sat in one of the sun loungers, that were put over the deck on a shadowy place. She was in a simple but very cute black bikini and bar food. Her feet crossed and with huge dark sunglasses. Her hair in a loose up-do and her big white sun hat lay beside her on the floor. She had the day off and drank slowly on a wonderful cold Pina Colada. Her eyes were closed and she just cherished that moment of lonesomeness.

Her thoughts flowed through her mind and clung on Pacey. And his girl. This beautiful brunette with this huge smile and this incredibly sparkling eyes, that looked so full of life and love and awe to the man that photographed her. And Audrey's heart ached deeply for her. She wondered, why he didn't want to call her, why he refused to even write her a letter. Because, every time he spoke of her, it was totally obvious, that there couldn't be any other for him. That it would be her, no matter what. And she feared, that every time, he declined to go off board in Florida he grew more distant, more afraid, more lonely. ...and maybe would never found the courage to look Joey in the eyes again and just tell her, what a coward he'd been to leave her like this. That he loved her like crazy and that he wanted nothing more, than took her back into his warm embrace.

She sighed.

There had to be a way she could convince him to at least write her. Anyhow, she had to find a way she could help them to reconnect. Because she was more than sure, that Joey suffered at least as much as Pacey did.

Audrey opened her eyes and looked on the open sea and her gaze wandered over the ship. Than she stood. Put on her wide white hat and headed down to the pool, laid her hat on the poolside and jumped head forward into the cold water. Hoped, that somehow the water would clear her thoughts and help her get some plan.

It was a warm spring day, the sun painting beautiful shadow-and-light-patterns on the fresh green of the meadows. Jen and Doug were on a one-week-trip somewhere, only by themselves. Jen had asked for Joey permission at least a hundred times, but Joey only smiled and told her, that it would do them good to spent some alone time. This morning they'd left and Joey grabbed a set of pencils and drawing paper. After all, the brushes and thick colors refused her anyway.

Now she found herself sitting cross-legged on the graveyard in front of Dawson's grave.

'Hi there, Dawson. Hope you don't mind me spending time here with you. It just happens, that we're the only ones left here', she smiled a sad smile. 'God Dawson, I miss you like hell.' She closed her eyes, wrapped one leg with both arms and rested her forehead on her knee. Slowly she took a few deep breathes. 'Do you remember the day of Abby's burial, as you came with me to my mother's grave?', she lowered her leg and looked to the cold stone, as it he would sit there in front of her. 'And do you remember, that I told you, deep inside of me, I'd hope, God would realize, he'd made a huge mistake and sent her back to me, as long as I refused to believe that she was dead?', she bit her lower lip. 'Well, I think this is the reason, I was never here since... your burial. Sorry.' She fell silent for some time. 'You know, I believe, that Pacey somehow died there with you guys. Did you know, that he left me a few month after your crash? I think, he somehow felt, maybe still feel, responsible for your death, and Jacks. For getting you two on this trip. Maybe for asking me to marry him in the first place.', her voice faded. 'Look Dawson, I miss him... I miss him so much, I don't think I can bear it any longer. If he'd for real broken up with me, but he left me without so much as a word. He left everything, even his ring. And I don't have a clue where he is. Don't know, if he is still alive. Well, he called on Christmas, but... Why wouldn't he come home?'

Sad she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Slowly, thoughtless, she let her pencil draw some lines and as she put more and more lines on the paper she began to speak again. 'You know the funniest thing? Jen and Doug have gotten together on New Years break. Can you imagine that?', she chuckled. 'They fit quite wonderful together. He is sweet and caring and Jen - Jen almost seem to flourish under his love. It's amazing. Even Mrs. Witter likes her. She'd invited them over to diner almost every two weeks. Funny, that I wasn't for diner once at Pacey's parents. It is just, as if they hadn't realized, that he is gone at all. Nobody ever asks about him. It's sad, really.' She looked from the paper to Dawson's stone and back, drawing on. 'Oh, I think, that Mr. Witter will accompany you there in short time. His heart is really bad and Doug said, they give him no more than a few weeks. I just hope, Pacey get in touch before his old man dies. The two of them need a proper goodbye.', she sighed heavily, knowing somehow, that Pacey wouldn't come. 'And Grams... Well, she's old, but I so hope, that she lasts some time. For Jen's sake.'

So she sat there, drawing, telling Dawson about her life until dawn fell. She told her friend everything, that lay on her soul and as she finally stood, she felt hot tears run down her face. 'This just isn't fair, Dawson. I... I need some of your advice. I don't know where to turn. Don't know what to think. I can't even paint anymore... You are the only logic place for me to turn. And... well, you're gone.' She stood there, the darkness slowly covered all of her surroundings and she felt her soul cry out. 'Maybe... maybe, Dawson. Maybe I'll just come join you there...' Than she turned and left the graveyard.

'Doug!' Jen squeaked as the thick pillow hit her in the face. She stood half dressed in the door frame that leads to the bathroom and looked at him playfully. He was still laying in the bed. 'Don't give what you can't take, mister.' She laughed and throw the pillow back at him. In no time, they were giggling and laughing. Jen didn't know how, but she ended up in the bed beside him, trying to tickle him, but without any success. Jack wasn't that hard to overcome, but Doug... Doug was another story. He grabbed her wrists with his hands and pinned her down.

He was above her and she could feel her urge to pull him closer. They never were closer than a kiss. Yes, they slept in one bed and he holds her close, but they were never actually intimate. She watched him, as emotions washed over his handsome face, as his breath became faster and she closed her eyes as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead. 'I love you, Jen.', he whispered and warm shivers flooded through the young woman. It was in fact the first time, he'd actually said it. He cupped her face with one of his strong hands and she took the chance and caressed his cheek. Jen looked him straight in the eyes. Beautiful blue eyes, a little melancholic but full of surety and warmth and love. She smiled a small smile and rested her forehead against his. 'Do you mean it?', she asked quietly. He lifted her chin so she had to look at him. The look in his eyes serious. 'I've never meant anything so faithful.', he smiled. 'I love you, Jen. I really do.' Her smile grew even wider and her eyes were sparkling. 'I love you too, Dougy-pie.' She teased him and than he kissed her oh so gently and she sighed as he pulled her towards her.

'You have to Pacey.' Audrey looked straight at him. He was exhausted. She had waited outside his kitchen and at first, she'd wanted to take a night-swim with him, but than she dragged him in one of the late-night bars and got them each a drink. He hadn't touched his.

He just shook his head. 'I can't, Audrey... I mean, I just don't know what to say.' His eyes were sad.

'Do you miss her, Pacey?' Her voice was soft, but he knew that she wouldn't let him off the hook without a proper answer.

He took a sip of his drink and than nodded slowly. 'Like hell.' Pacey croaked, his voice barely his. 'It's like there is a part of me lost.' His eyes met hers and the pain, that was written all over them, stung right into her heart.

'Then why can't you just call her?', carefully she laid one of her slender hands on his. 'Pacey?'

'I can't, okay?' The sudden anger in his voice made her startle. He stood and wiped his glass off the table. Pure fire in his gaze. 'I can't.' With this said, he left the bar and left her starring after him. But a smile slowly built up around the corners of her mouth.

She paid, apologized and then made her way through the ship, knowing, that she had been victorious.

Joey stood in front of the huge mirror in her bathroom. A glass of water in her right hand and plenty of sleeping pills in her left. She looked on her reflection and the traces of tears, that ran down her face. She was a mess. The phone rang.

'Goodnight I guess...'

Her hand shaking, as she slowly lifted it to her mouth.

'Hello, you've reached Joey and Pacey. We're not at home, so please leave us a massage, we'll get to you as soon as possible.' Pacey's hand shook as he listened to the answering machine. He missed her voice so much, in fact he missed her altogether, but it was easy to forget it, when he just didn't deal with it. Why had he even called her? What would he say to her if the put up the phone? Damn Audrey, she just knew how to get him. The same thing happened on Christmas. Without her saying, he'd never had called. His heart skipped a beat as he realized, that Joey never changed the announcement. He heard her short laugh and remembered, that he had tickled her and drawn her in a deep kiss, because he just couldn't let his fingers off her. He used to never could, until... His thought drifted away. Than he realized the long beep, and the silence that expected his message. He took some deep breathes and than he began to speak in a shaky voice.

'Hey Jo, this is Pacey...', he hesitated. 'I... I don't know, maybe I should just hang up, but...', he let out a short breath and took his head in his hands. 'I guess I just wanted to let you know, that I'm still loving you and...' Pacey hesitated once more. '...and that I'm all right.' He swallowed. 'Goodbye, sunshine. I hope you're okay and you ...don't hate me.' He closed his eyes, his voice low. 'Please, Jo. Don't hate me.'

**So, please don't hate me for the cliffhanger. The more reviews, the sooner the update ;-)**


	6. Chapter 5

Hi there,

thanks for your ongoing support - don't let it stop.

-Thanks for the beta.-

Yours, Yana

**Out of reach**

Chapter 5

The glass slipped out of her hand and it shattered as it fell onto the edge of the sink. She let go of the pills in her left hand and send them rain down on the bathroom floor and into the white porcelain of the sink. Her now empty hand covered her mouth and she just starred into the mirror, her face became blurred before her eyes. Totally stunned she listened to the voice, that echoed through the house. 'Please Jo. Don't hate me.'

'Pacey', she whispered the beloved name as she slowly sunk on the floor, her legs all wiggly. _You stupid man. How could I hate you...? I'm literally dying, because I can't and now... Now you almost for sure saved my life._ Her back on the bathtub, her legs pulled towards her, her hands in her hair she pulled her head to her knees and cried for what seemed like eternity.

Than, almost in slow-motion, she stood. Still shaking she walked out of the bathroom and down to the living room. She starred for a moment at the blinking LED of her answering machine but dared not listen to the massage again. Instead she walked through the room, grabbed her coat, slipped in a pair of shoes. She looked around and took the picture she drew earlier. Than she got out of the door, shut it carefully and walked through the night. Looking at the stars, that were half covered with clouds and wondered, if Pacey could see them too.

Her sight was blurry through her tears, but she knew the way by heart and as she finally climbed the ladder that stills stood on that big white house, which was her magnetic north during all her childhood and most of her teenage years, she almost felt like coming home.

She slid the window open and climbed into the room. Memories hit her with the smell and all of it. Even ET sat on his bed. She stood a long while. Remembered the day, she came here, after Jack's coming out. She remembered how Dawson had lain there, looked at her. 'Hey, Jo... Come here...'

She went to the bed and curled up onto it. Pulled the covers over and wrapped herself in them and just laid there. Shed some more tears and finally drifted off to a deep sleep, surrounded by the familiar, warm smell of her lost friend, whose presence was undeniable here in this room. As if he was immortal here and his return only a question of time.

'Joey?'

Slowly her eyes fluttered open, as the sun shone into the bright room. The white curtain flew in a soft warm breeze. Joey blinked a few more times until she realized, that Gail looked at her.

'Gail... oh my...' Joey sat up and let the cover slid down. 'I'm sorry, I...', she closed her eyes.

'Don't be, honey.' Gail sat beside her concerned. She was pale and looked almost fragile. Gail took her into her arms. 'I haven't seen you in a long time, Joey.' She placed a kiss on her forehead. 'You look terrible.'

'Yeah, well... thanks.' Joey tried a small smile, feeling like fifteen again. 'Look, I didn't meant to destroy anything.'

'You didn't, darling.' Gail tilted her head to one side and looked at Joey. 'You know, you're always welcome here.'

Joey nodded. 'Thanks.' The elder woman caressed Joey's hair and smiled. 'Breakfast? Some coffee and French toast with maple syrup?'

'Yeah, sure.' Joey rested her head against Gail's shoulder. 'That would be great, Gail.' None of them moved. Joey just drank in the motherly warmth of Gail's embrace and she clearly liked to hold her. 'Thanks for not being mad at me.' Joey whispered but Gail just smiled a sad smile. 'Come on than, honey. Bessie will come over for breakfast as well. She always does on Thursdays.'

Joey froze. 'Bessie?'

'Yeah... That a problem?'

'Oh no... not at all... Just.' Joey swallowed. 'I haven't seen her much these last months.'

'I know.' Gail looked at her seriously. 'And she worried a lot about you. And she is right to do so, when I look at you, darling.'

Joey took one of her hands. 'All she'd ever said, was that I should quit waiting and begin to live again, but Gail, we were about to marry. I can't just abandon him, only because he deals with his grieve on his terms.'

'And leave you behind?'

'Yeah...' Joey nodded. 'I believe, he would wait for me too.'

Gail nodded. 'Yeah, I think he would. He is a truthful soul, that's for sure. He'd waited a long time for Dawson to forgive him and rewarded him hugely.'

Joey nodded and than suddenly stood. 'Oh, Gail. I've got something for you.' She took the drawing, she'd made the day before. 'I was on Dawson's grave yesterday and just wanted to try myself with the pencils once more, after my brushes refuse me these days. And look, what came out.' She handed the picture over. 'I thought, maybe you wanted to have it.' Her voice was low and she smiled as she watched the emotions wash over Gail's face.

Joey hadn't meant to draw what she did, she wanted a still-life of the graveyard. But what she drew was Dawson's stone, but him behind it, vivid, cross legged like she herself sat and looking at the viewer intent with his large, sentimental eyes.

Gail covered her mouth with one hand, tears shone in her eyes. 'This is beautiful, Joey.'

'Yeah, it is, isn't it?' She smiled and slung her arms around Dawson's mother, rested her chin on the elder womans shoulder. 'I'd like you to have it.'

'Thank you, Joey.' She put her hand on Joey's arm and Joey placed a kiss on her cheek. 'Come on than, let's get that breakfast ready.'

Later the three women sat around the kitchen table. Bessie sat beside Joey and had her arm around her, changing concerned looks with Gail.

'But why hadn't you come to me as you used to?'

'Because...', Joey's voice was dying as her eyes teared up. Her voice was shaking. '...you wouldn't have any of it, Bess. You wanted me to go on, but honestly...', she sobbed and covered her face with both hands. 'I can't... I just can't go on like this I mean. With Dawson and Jack gone and Pacey...', she swallowed, but tears ran down her face and she hated it. 'Look what I've become. I'm all watery. Whenever I look around me, there is just nobody left, Bess. Yeah, sure, Jen and Doug, and without them, I don't know, if I've made it even that far but Pacey... He - he is...', Joey shrugged helpless. 'He is just my life, Bess. I can't just abandon him and I refuse to think, he'd abandoned me, because...', her voice was low. 'Because if I would believe he has, there would be absolutely nothing left here for me.' She wrapped her arms around her tightened legs and laid her forehead on her knees. Her hair falling around her head as if to shelter her from everything.

Bessie held her little sister close and blinked away her own tears. Not knowing what to say. She hadn't expected Joey to be so bad. This girl she held, was shuttered, broken, even more than the day their mother died. She couldn't stop crying and Bessie and Gail just sat there, helpless, not quite knowing how to handle a fragile Joey.

Mitch entered the room and took in all of it, than tapping on Gail's shoulder, motioning with his head to the living room. Gail stood and followed him.

'So? What's going on here, Gail? Is this Joey?' Mitch asked with a concerned look on his face.

'Yes. I found her on Dawson's bed this morning.' Gail said and smiled softly. 'She was just laying there as she used to do back then...'

'I think, she needs a break. She's literally breaking down there, Gail - what this boy does to her, is just-'

She laid her hand on his arm. 'Yeah, I know, Mitch. But she loves him. She will never let go of him, until she knows, that0 he doesn't love her anymore. And truthfully, Mitch? I don't think that's the cause of his leaving her.'

He looked at her, not quite getting it. 'Than what is, Gail? This girl in there - she's basically the closest to a child that I've have left and... See her suffer like that.', he shook his head. 'This is worse, than even her mother's death.'

'Yes, it is...' She nodded. 'I think this boy just felt responsible for what happened in that car.'

'But he wasn't, Gail... He didn't even drive.'

Gail nodded again. 'I know. But Mitch - did we ever say this to him? I mean, for real? Or didn't we not at least blame him a little bit ourselves?'

'Maybe... But why leave her behind?'

'I don't know.' She sighed. 'But what I do know, is, that Joey needs help. And I think, I have just the idea...'

Pacey stood in the small kitchen of his apartment. Outside the weather was rough, but he loved the sound of the breaking waves against the huge ship and the swinging motion. He has barley left the ship since he got on board late last year. It has become almost a home. He clicked some eggs open and pitched them. With a small motion of his elbow he turned on the radio and smiled. He knew the song and began slowly to hymn the melody. He ditched two pieces of toast into the eggs and let them get soaked. He put the toasts into the pan and with skillful movements he roasted them. And while he continued with the breakfast-preparations his thought drift off to Joey.

Pacey almost could see her sit on his small coffee table, a sweater on, with one leg onto her chest (under the sweater) and a huge round coffeepot in two hands. He could hear her asking him for maple syrup. Smiling at him this beautiful sunny smile he loved so much and telling him what the last day was like, what this day holds for her and that she hoped, that they could spent at least a little time together this evening, with him working late these few moments of togetherness were precious to them both.

He sighed. At times, he almost forgot how much he missed her, but now his stomach ached by the thought of her. Pacey put the toasts on a plate and sat on the empty table. A sigh on his lips he put syrup on his toasts, he doesn't like it, but it remembered him of Joey.

'Joey...' He took a bite of his toast and chewed slowly. It worried him, that he couldn't reach her last night. He would have bet that she would be at home. It was, is if something would lace his heart. He took up the phone and dialed his home number for the hundredth time this morning.

'Hello, you've reached Joey and Pacey. We're not at home, so please leave us a massage, we'll get to you as soon as possible.' Pacey bit his inner lip in frustration and hung up.

In the meantime Audrey sat on a bar table in the restaurant. She'd got the early shift and only got a few minutes to take a sip of coffee and a small bite of an apple. Her long legs crossed under her short black skirt. She took a quick look in the newspaper, that lay here for the customers as her eyes widened.

'Young artist gets huge attention on art-exhibition in New York.' And under the headline a photo of Pacey's girl. Audrey's face was suddenly lit with a huge smile.

'That's it. That's just it.' She whispered and than turned her head to the kitchen. 'Hey Freckle, could you cover for me - say for half an hour?'

'Sure.' A redheaded woman, all curly and her face covered with freckles and deep green eyes appeared.

'Thanks, sweety.' Audrey wrapped her arms around her and placed a smacker on her cheek, than, smiling, wiped away her lipstick on the womans cheek. 'You're just the best!'

'For you always, sunny-bunny.' The redhead laughed and smiled hughly, than she hushed her with a wink of her hands. 'Now go, Aud. And better be quick.'

Audrey waved at her friend, tied off her apron and jogged out of the restaurant, flipping her mobile open.

'Hi Mo, it's Audrey. Can you meet me in about ten minutes?'

Joey found herself in Mitch's truck shortly after the disastrous breakfast at the Leery's. She looked out of the window, watched the landscape rushes past and must have drift to sleep, because as she looked next, the truck was about to park in front of a familiar house in the early evening. Joey smiled a small smile and felt utter relief as she saw the blond woman standing there, awaiting them and welcoming her in a warm embrace.

'Joey, my girl. It is so good to see you.' She smiled at her and than held her close once more.

'It's good to see you too, aunt Gwen.' Joey sighed and blinked away the tears, that stung in her eyes once again. 'Thanks for having me...', she whispered.

'Always, girly. You're always welcome here.' She kissed her hair and than looking in Joey's eyes. 'So I understand you need to aerate your soul?' Joey nodded and could do nothing to hold her tears any longer and so they streamed down her cheeks. 'Yeah... I...' She sobbed helplessly and let her head sink on her chest. 'I-I can't think straight and... I... can't even paint anymore.'

Gwen smiled and laid a hand on her shoulder. 'So you come in and rest a bit.' She brought her to a huge, light flooded room and Joey laid down thankfully. Gwen draw the curtains, placed a kiss on Joey's forehead and smiled as she noted, that the younger woman already fell asleep. She covered her with a light blanket and headed downstairs, to find her brother-in-law standing in the kitchen and drinking a glass of water, looking out of the window.

'She's worst, than I've expected, Mitch...'

'Yeah, she is.'

On the same day in the late evening Jen and Doug arrived in front of Joey's House. Doug's face darkens and his gaze hardened and his eyes got all worried.

'What's the matter, Doug?' Jen asked in a shaky voice.

'I'll go in. You better wait here.' He checked his gun and getting it on the holster, opened the drivers door and was about to get out of the car but Jen held onto his arm.

'I won't wait here alone, Doug. You scarring the shit out of me.' She looked at him. 'Please - whats the matter?'

'I don't know jet, Jen. And that's exactly why I'll not have you in the house, ok?' He looked at her with worried eyes. 'Trust me here.'

'I trust you, Doug.' Jen answered with a serious look on her face. 'But I felt saver with you in that house, as to sit here outside, in your car, all by myself. Besides... What make you think, something is wrong in the first place?'

Doug took a deep breath and than nodded. 'Okay, you come with me, but stay low.' He gestured to the house. 'It's completely dark. Not one light and she was supposed to meet us here this evening. ..and the back door is open.' Jens eyes clouded over with concern.

'Do you think, someone has broken in?'

'Don't know. But it is strange and I would hate it, if anything happens to you. I just couldn't stand it.' Jen smiled at him in awe. 'I get it, sheriff.' She tried to sound light. 'I'll be right behind you. And I suggest you shoot before someone else can.'

'So, let's go in.'

Slowly the two of them got into the house. Doug shouted a few warnings, but after they didn't get any response, they got into the house. It was all dark. The only light, that they could out make was the blinking LED on the answering machine.

'Joey?' Doug shouted and put on some lights. 'Joey, are you in here?' He gestured to the stairs and they walked their way up. Doug lunged in Joey's bedroom and shook his head no. Jen opened the bathroom door.

'Doug...' She whispered. The tall man was beside her only a heartbeat later. They starred on the floor that was depleted with splinters of broken glass. They scanned the room with their eyes. Jen pointed to the sink, where the pills had rained in and the empty orange pill can still lay.

'What the hell has happened here, Doug?' She asked with an almost toneless voice and Doug just shrugged.

'We call Bessie, maybe she knows anything. It sure doesn't look like anyone has broken in.' Doug said, taking his mobile out of his pocket and dialed Bessie's number.

'Do it, I'll check her answering machine, maybe will find the answer there.' Doug nodded at her and listened to the free-line signal of his phone. Jen jogged downstairs and put the button that replayed the recorded massages.

'Hey Jo, this is Pacey...' Jen looked at the machine in horror and Doug let go of his mobile which crashed on the tiled floor. Their eyes met and they knew just what the other was thinking.

'Let's go to Bessie, Doug. She'll knows more than we can suspect at the moment.' Jen swallowed hard, tried to get her scarred haertbeat under control. 'I just hope, she hadn't done anything stupid.' Doug tried to give her a reasuring look, but his worried eyes gave him away.

'Let's go.' Doug took her hand, still looking at the machine, as he had seen a ghost.

Warm evening light flooded softly through the high room, which was filled with all kinds of colors, brushes, canvases, papers, pencils. Joey stood there, clad in joggers and a wide shirt. Her hair was bound into two tails and her pony held back with a simple scarf.

She had been out for a run earlier that day, after sleeping through the day Mitch had brought her here and the night after that. Than she spent hours and hours talking to Gwen in her wonderful garden. Telling her everything that bothered her. And now she stood in front of the canvas, afraid that she wouldn't get anything on it at all.

'Just close your eyes, Jo.' Gwen said from behind her. 'You have so much art in you, it literally flows through your veins. Just let the brush show you the way. Let it go...'

Joey looked over to the woman to see, if she was making a joke of her, but than she dunked the brush into a deep green and began to paint. She smiled and dunked the brush into the water that clouded over with green and than dipped the brush into a sunny yellow and as she went on a huge smile lit her face. Gwen, who stood in the door frame smiled too, as she watched Joey slowly unfreezing.

'Potter's Arthouse, you speak to Caroline Harper. What can I do for you?'

'Good morning, Miss Harper. This is Audrey Dearing. I've got an offer for Josephine Potter...'

As Caroline listened to the young woman on the other end of the line, her face lit up. There was no chance, that Joey could possibly reject this gorgeous offer.

Ending the phone call, she took the phone again, dialing Joey's mobile number. Her fingers drumming on the table while she waited until the end of the answering-machines _blabla_.

'Hey Jo, this is Caro. Please call me back asap. I've got an incredible offer for you. If you don't get back to me until tomorrow, I call you again. Bye.'

Jen's mobile rang as she sat on Bessie's kitchen table. Her heart somewhat lighter, now that she learned, where Joey was and that she was fine. She drank a deep gulp of black coffee and looked at the display. The number unshown.

'Jennifer Lindley.' No answer. 'Hello? Who's there?'

'Hi Jen, this is Pacey...' Jen felt her heart skip a beat and her stomach sink 'Is Doug with you by any chance?'

**Please let me know, what you think, it's really important for me. Just leave me a short review or sent me a PM.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the reviwes. Please keep them going. It really helps me coming up with everything.**

**Yours, Yana**

**Out of reach**

Chapter 6

Pacey's hand shook as he held his phone to his ear.

'Douglas Witter?' The voice of his brother. He almost let out a laugh of relieve.

'Hey Doug, this is Pacey...' His brother remained silent for a moment than let out a small breath. 'Pacey?' He asked in disbelieve.

'Yeah man, I wanted to ask you something...'

'No.' Doug answered in an unyielding tone.

'Wh..what?' Pacey couldn't believe it. 'no?'

'No.' Doug repeated. 'Before _you_ get to ask me _anything_, I'll ask _you_ something and until I get an answer, you won't get your answer either. Am I perfectly clear?'

Pacey sat on the huge couch in his living-room. One hand in his hair. He just knew, that he wouldn't get through to Doug and he couldn't blame him.

'Well than, spill it.' He replied in a croaky voice.

'What's going on Pacey?' Doug ask, with suppressed anger unmistakable in his voice. 'Where the hell are you, Pacey? And why don't you just come home?' He almost yelled at this piont and Pacey winced.

'Can't answer that, Doug.'

'Well. I guess than you won't get your answer either, little brother.' His voice now a little shaky with irritation.

Pacey's heart was beating furiously. 'Please Doug, I need an answer...', he said in a low voice, trying to keep calm, but his concern obvious to hear.

'Am too!' Doug replied and his heart broke for his brother. He knew just what he wanted to know and he knew what he wanted to tell him.

'Okay, I'm at the Seychelles right now, if you must know. And now...'

'Where?' Doug's eyes widened with disbelieve. 'You kidding me, right?'

'No Doug.' Pacey answered as he looked through the round window of his apartment. 'I'm perfectly honest.'

Doug waged his head. 'At the Seychelles, huh? Oh. I forgot to tell you, that I currently dwell on the moon, Pacey. Don't take the mik out of me.'

Pacey took one deep breath. Tried again to calm himself. 'Doug, please. I'm telling you the truth. I would prove it to you. Please, Doug. I need an answer.'

Doug was now outside the B&amp;B and paced up and down in front of the door.

'Okay then, I'll be honest too. Shoot.'

Pacey could tell, he didin't believe him, but he had to give it a try. 'I just...' His voice became quiet and his breath was short. 'Please Doug, I just want to know, if Joey is all right. I couldn't reach her the other day and I'm worrying like hell.'

Doug nodded and stopped. His face all hard and in his heart he had so much anger and so deep love for his brother, that his voice was shaking as he replied.

'You want to know, hu? All of a sudden... Do you at least have the slightest idea, what you've put her through?' Pacey blinked and was taken by surprise by the strong emotional response of his brother. 'You broke her, Pacey. She's shuttered. Nothing is all right, if you need to know.' He exchanged a short look with Jen, who suddenly has appeared in the door frame and looked at him appalled. 'I'll tell you something. The night you called, she took sleeping pills. A whole lot of them.' He let his words sank in.

Pacey's face fell and all color left it. Hadn't he been sitting, his legs hadn't held him now for sure. He felt like someone had taken the floor beneath his feet. He stroke a hand trough his hair. His heart sank, his stomach itched and he felt stabbed.

'No...' He whispered and looked in shook at the hugely smiling face of his girl, that hung on the wall right in front of him. 'Please Doug, don't scoff with me, this isn't funny.'

'You bet it isn't.' He swallowed hard. 'She cried her soul out, Pacey. She waited for you. Every day she went to the port and hoped you magically reappeared somehow and make her whole again. Even through all of winter.' Pacey's heart fell and he felt worse than he felt ever in his life. Doug couldn't possibly be talking about Joey. She was strong and smart and surly she knew, that he couldn't come back during winter. His eyes teared up. 'But you didn't. And now, Pacey, she's gone.' He said in a sharp voice.

Pacey let go of the phone, that landed on the soft carpet. He heard the voice of his brother telling some other things. Heard him calling. Pacey's tears running free over is cheeks, he buried his face in his hands and torn his hair. He stood, took the phone and chuck it onto the wall, than he sank on the floor and cried in heartfelt sobs. Tightened his legs as Joey would do and buried his face on them. Not believing what he'd heard. This couldn't be true. It mustn't. But if it was, he could never get home again. Couldn't look any of them in the eyes ever again.

'Don't you think, you were to harsh on him?' Jen asked with horrified wide eyes. 'You could instead have tried to convince him to get back here.' Jen looked at him challenging.

'I did.'

'No!' Jen shook her head and looked at Doug with clear incomprehencion. 'No Doug. You scarred him away. Even more, than he already was.'

'But I...'

'Couldn't you just let him know, that she's ok? That she'll want nothing more, than for him to return and take the pain away. Tell her that he never stopped loving her? That she want nothing more than to hold him in her arms again. That she wait for him?'

Doug's eyes narrowed as he tried to understand, what she was saying.

'What do you say here, Jen?'

'That you just told him, Joey's committed suicide.' Jen stated and Bessie, who stood in the door frame nodded.

'But that is not...'

'Yeah Doug. But that is clearly, what he made of your words.' Jen pouted her lips and than touched his arm. 'Come on in, Doug. We'll figure something out.'

Doug nodded and followed them like a beaten dog. Sat on the kitchen table and brushed aside his coffee and cake. Suddenly he'd lost all appetite.

Audrey knocked at Pacey's door. He was due in the kitchen and never appeared. She excused him, told them he had a nausea and since this was his first sick leave nobody asked any questions. But for some reason she was worried like hell as he didn't answer the door.

She had looked everywhere. Knocked at his door, as nobody answered she looked in the gym, at the pool, again in the kitchen... everywhere she would expect him, but he was nowhere to be found and slowly she became seriously worried.

'Pacey!' She shouted and knocked again. 'Please open that damn door.' She knocked again. 'Don't make me call security to break in. Open! That! Damn! Door!... NOW!'

She heard a quiet noise from inside the room and than the lock clacked. She opened the door and took a step back.

There he stood, all wrecked down. His eyes red, the heavy smell of alcohol in the air. 'Sit if you must.' He lulled at her and let himself plop on the armchair, grabbing his open beer. The whole coffee-table was covered with tidily arranged empty beer bottles.

'So, would you care to tell me who you are and what has happen to Pacey? Because you' She pointed at him after she'd closed the door. 'Can't impossibly be that handsome, clever man I saw last night.'

'Nope. He left earlier and left me here.' Pacey lulled and took another sip. 'I'm his evil twin.'

Audrey sat on the couch. Without a word she grabbed the last bottle, opened it with a switch of her hand. Gesturing a 'cheers', she swallowed some of the liquid an gave an satisfied 'ah!'

'So - what did you do to him?'

'He called his brother, after he called his girl but couldn't reach her.'

Audrey raised a brow.

'But he said, he couldn't call her. So, pray - why did he?'

'Because, some particular friend of his', he raised an eyebrow and pointed at her with the bottleneck of his beer, 'made him remorse.'

'So...?'

'After he couldn't reach her after the hundreth time or so, he began to worry and couldn't sleep. So he called her again and again and again and so forth. Leaving massages on her answering machine' He emptyed his bottle and reached for the last one, but Audrey just held her bottle up and he shook his head.

'Oh, mean girl!'

'That's me', she smiled and took another luxurious gulp.

'Well.' He shrugged and lean back. 'He couldn't reach her.'

'And than he get guts and called his brother?' Her voice oozed with sarcasm.

'Pretty much, yeah.'

'And what did he say?' Pacey eyes clouded over and his voice got croaky. He swallowed and than looked her directly in the eyes. 'That she took an overdose of sleeping pills and he can count jet another beloved ones life on his conscience.'

Audrey looked at him in pure disbelieve. Knowing, that Joey's assistant clearly hadn't agreed to talk Joey in any contract if she was dead.

'Pacey... This can't be true.' She shook her head. 'When did you speak with your brother?'

'Yesterday, right after I came from you.'

'And when was this supposed to have happened?'

'I don't know, Audrey!' He got all angry. 'And it doesn't matter altogether. She's...', he swallowed and his face became shell-shocked. '...dead.' A stupid grin made it's way on his handsome face. '...or _gone_ as my brother put it.'

_Yeah, gone may be the truth_. Because this Assistant mentioned Joey on a sick leave, as she spoke with her almost a week ago.

She put a hand on his and looked at him closely. Not wanting to give anything away, just in case. 'I think, you should call him again. And ask him, what he meant by gone. Maybe she's in a hospital.' She tried to look reassuring. 'You know. Not everybody that took sleeping pills dies.'

'Please leave me, Audrey. I...' She saw his eyes tearing up. 'I really need to be alone tonight.' His voice was shaky and he swallowed hard.

Audrey stood. 'Okay, you got it. But don't do anything stupid, Pacey.' She placed a kiss on his forehead. 'And don't forget, there's diner night tomorrow.'

'Will be there. Bye Audrey.'

'Bye Pacey', she said and quietly closed the door as she left. _This can't happen. It __mustn't__!_

Joey sat in the soft evening light in a wicker swing on Aunt Gwen's patio, watched the sun go down in thousand wonderful reds, pinks and oranges. She was covered with a light blanket and smiled a little happy smile. She was at Gwen's for at least ten days now and she felt all better.

'Here' Gwen appeared behind her and offered her a bowl of hot herbal tea.

'Thanks' Joey smiled at her. 'For everything, really. I'm so glad I could stay here.'

'I'm glad you came, girly.' Gwen smiled back and sat in a comfortable armchair. Watched the sunset with Joey and drank her tea slowly.

Joey sighed.

'You know, after the vacation we've had here a lifetime ago, and you caught Pacey and me kissing?'

'Yes?' Gwen smiled at the memory.

'Well, I was not sure than. I mean, he made my inside melt and my heart beat fast, gave me butterflies all over and made my head spin. The bare thought of him made me want to be near him.' Her thoughts drifted away and Gwen sat silent, waiting for her to continue. Joey sighed. 'We bounded earlier that summer over his beloved ship. We made her seaworthy in fact and he named her _True Love_. I didn't get, that he had fallen for me by that time, because I spent all my time, waiting for Dawson, you know?' Gwen nodded, but said nothing. 'Dawson got all furious when I told him about Pacey and me, and I... I torn Pacey down. And not just once, you know. He waited the whole year for me to finally stay with him, but I couldn't hurt Dawson so I kept hurt Pacey. So many times. But than, suddenly I knew, he was the one I wanted and I ran all the way down to the port.'

Tears came up her eyes, but she smiled. 'You know. We sailed the whole summer and as we came back, my first way was to Dawson. Again.' She sniffed, but cared not wipe away her tears. He had nothing but derision and anger. Asked me, if I finally understood, that Pacey would never love me the way he did.' Joey swallowed. 'But I knew. I knew, that Dawson's love for me would always be innocent and I wanted to be with Pacey. He made me feel alive and loved and, I don't know... like a better person altogether. Whole. So I turned and get back to the boat, where I found Pacey, naturally.' She smiled. 'And it was as if I came home. It always was. You know? Every time I got sad, or homesick after mom or for no reason at all, he just took my hand, wrapped me in his warm embrace, covered me with this strong and confident arms of his, and I felt as if nothing could ever harm me ever again. And I'm homesick, Aunt Gwen. My north is gone...' She bit her lip. 'Pacey waited for Dawson and than, one day, he stood on his doorstep and Pacey just looked at him, with a relieved smile, took him in his arms and pattered his back _Hey man, long time no seen... Yeah,_ Dawson said. _Wanna get out for a beer?_ And Pacey only _Sure man, I just waited for you. _nodded, kissed me goodbye and was gone. That was what he'd wanted most. And than he asked me to marry him and there was really only one answer. Shortly after that there was that horrible accident and now he is gone...' She fell silent. 'He left his ring, but even worse... the name tag of his ship.' She fell silent and drank her tea. 'You know, the most precious memories are linked to that boat. I loved that summer. I've never felt so free. And loved. He proposed there, naturally.' Joey laughed.

Gwen looked at her, wondering where Joey was going with all that.

'I think I will take the offer my assistant had told me about.' She bit her lip but looked confident and smiled. 'What do you think?'

'I think, that is a splendid idea, girly.' Gwen smiled. 'And you deserve it.'

'But it would be at least for six month.'

'Jep!'

'And if he comes back, while I am gone?'

'Joey, dear.' Gwen lent in and took one of Joey's hand sin her own warm hands. 'He will wait for you.'

'Yeah, I guess he will...' Joey smiled. 'But before I leave, I have to do something.'

'Pacey... Pacey, please wait.' Audrey grabbed him on the arm, but he just tried to shake it off.

'I've got no time, Audrey. I'm already late.' But he stopped whatsoever, looking at her with dreadful eyes.

'I just thought... Maybe you could call her Assistant. Surely she must know, if Joey is... well, dead.' Her eyes avoiding eye contact with him and shifted uncomfortable.

'Why are you saying this?' Pacey's eyes narrowed and his gaze intensified. 'Audrey?'

'Just...' She gave him an almost shy smile. 'just because I can't bear it, to see you all sad and withdrawn.'

'And what I'm supposed to say, Audrey? Hey, it's me Pacey Witter, you probably remember me, I'm the guy Josephine Potter was supposed to marry. I just wanted to ask if she's still alive?' He almost spat the words in her face, anger and pain in his beautiful eyes. 'No, thanks.' He turned around and was about to leave.

'But I could call...?' Audrey offered unconfident.

'You would do that?' Pacey stopped and turned around once more. 'Sure, why not?' She stepped closer and took one of his hands in hers. 'Pacey - you're my friend. The only one actually. And well... What do we have to lose?'

He sat on one of the benches and looked up at her. 'Yeah, well. What do we have to lose?'

She smiled a huge smile. 'Brilliantly.' She floped beside him and put out her phone. 'So, here you go.'

She dialed a number and as he looked at her quizzeld she just smiled and mouthed _directory assistance_.

Joey sat opposite to Caroline, who painted her toenails.

'Sure baby, I just knew, you wouldn't let such an opportunity slip through your fingers.' She smiled self-satisfied.

The phone rang. She looked at Joey apologizing but she nodded her approval.

'Potter's Arthouse, you speak to Caroline Harper. What can I do for you?'

'Good morning. I just wanted to know, if Miss Potter will attend her big exhibition, because I would very much like to get an autograph.' Caroline smiled.

'I'm sorry, Miss Potter will unfortunately not attend the exhibition.' She paused to let the other woman speak. 'No, everything is just fine. She will just be on a really long business trip. In fact, she's sitting next to me... yeah... sure.'

She shrugged and handed Joey the phone. 'Hello, Miss Potter speaking.' As no answer came she narrowed her eyebrows and looked confused to Caroline. 'Hello? Anybody there..?' She shrugged. 'Hung up I guess.' She shrugged. 'So when do I leave?'

'Your flight is booked for monday.'

Joey nodded. 'Could I take Jen?'

'Sure' Caroline smiled. 'I booked two seats.'

'You just know me too well by now, Caro.' Joey smiled hugely.

'I guess so' Caroline replyed and went back to painting her toenails.

Audrey smiled hugely satisfied at Pacey beside her. She was pleased like hell with the expression on his face. His features softened and he let out a breath of utter relieve. Than, all of a sudden he stand and swirled her through the air. She squirked with surprise but wrapped her arms around his neck and let her head fall back.

As he slowly put her on her feet again he smiled at her and kissed her on each cheek. 'You just made my day, Aud.' He looked into her eyes. 'I'm sorry.' He smiled shyly. 'And thank you. I don't know, what I would have done without you.'

He hugged her and held her for a few moments. 'I owe you one.' Than he placed a soft kiss in her golden hair. 'But now I have to go. Work's calling. Bye Aud.'

'Bye Pacey.' She smiled as she watched him go and wondered, what he would do by the time he would know...

'Joey!' Jen squirked as she walked down the street, her shopping bag in one hand. She dropped it on the sidewalk and came running towards Joey. The two friends hugged each other for a long time.

'Joey, sweety, it's so good to see you again.' She took a close look at her fried who smiled at her with sparkling eyes. 'You look so much better, love.'

'Yeah, I'm feeling much better.' Joey smiled and bit her lower lip. 'It's good to see you too, Jen.'

'What are you doing? When did you come back?'

'Early this morning. What does it look like I'm doing? I paint this wall.' Joey pointed towards said wall with her white brush.

'Yeah, I can see that.' Jen nodded. 'But what for? Are you throwing the whole art-thing and going to paint walls?'

'Nope', Joey laughed. 'I'll leave Pacey a massage.'

Jen narrowed her eyes. 'Have you heard anything about Pacey?'

'No, should I?' Joey asked and raised one eyebrow. Jen shook her head instantly and decided not to tell her about that certain phone call. At least not jet. 'You said you're leaving a massage. Do you leave?' Jen changed the subject and hoped, that Joey would bite.

Joey nodded and her whole face lit up. 'Yes and in fact, I've want to ask you something important.'

'Shoot.' Jen looked at her curious and Joey rolled her eyes and smiled a beaming smile.

'You wanna come with me on a cruise?'

'Wh-what?' Jen almost swallowed up and laughed. 'You kidding me, right?'

**Please take a minute and let me know what you think. This chapter was not an easy write, so I would be grateful for any feedback.**

**The next will be better, I promise.**

**And the question is: Would you like a reuinion in Chapter 7?**


	8. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the delay. But my father'S got a stroke and really my head is everywhere right now, with two little kids and all... So, please be kind, this chapter isn't as long as I hoped it to be, but I didn't want to let you guys wait any longer.**

**I hope you enjoy, please let me know. Reviews mean everything!**

**Thanks for all the reviews and of youre the new follow/favourite :-) Thanks a lot!**

**Have fun, Yana**

Out of reach

Chapter 7

'No, Jen.' Joey waged her head. 'No, I don't.' She looked at the wall and than back to her friend. 'I'll finish this another day.' She smiled and picked up one of Jens shopping bags. The two of them strode along the street towards Grams house.

'See, Jen. I've got this unbelievable offer. There's a souvenir-shop on board the MS Seadream and it's been empty since a few weeks. They need someone who's interested in selling stuff. And somehow they stumbled across me.' She stopped and looked at Jen. 'They want me to sell my paintings. Maybe even paint some portraits, do some lessons or so. I would get the opportunity to exhibit some of my things in the main restaurant. And...' She smiled a huge smile and her eyes lit up. 'And I got to bring someone. We could cruise a whole six month, if we want. We get to use all the extras: gym, swimming, wellness, even board and lodging in the main restaurant.'

Jen raised her eyebrows and pouted her lips. 'Well... that's great news, sweetheart and it surely would do you some good.' Jen said, with a tone.

'But..?' Joey looked somewhat disappointed and the smile faded.

'But I don't think, I would make it six month on a boat...' saying this, a smile flushed over Jens face and she hugged Joey tight. Then loosened her arms somewhat, looked her in the face and kissed her on the cheek. 'Nonetheless, I would love to get on that cruise with you. Maybe I won't stay the whole time, you know with Doug here and Grams isn't so well either. So, I think it's a yes.'

Joey grinned and took a deep breath. 'Great, Jen. I would hate to cruise alone...'

'So, when do we start?'

'Our flight goes Monday. So... in about four days.'

Jen's jaw dropped open. 'Okay... well, than...' She cleared her throat. 'Monday it is!'

* * *

Pacey grinned as he looked over his shoulder to the astonishing beautiful woman who was standing there. 'Sorry' he stated, as he walked to put the darting arrows from the board. His own all in the black, whilst hers were pinned all over the board.

She pouted her lips and crossed her arms as he handed her the arrows. He raised an eyebrow.

'Audrey?'

'Nope', she said. 'I won't play another round. You cheat.'

'I what?' laughing he laid a hand on her shoulder and looked deep into her eyes. 'Audrey, I may be many things, but I am not a cheater. Not at games and not altogether.' He grinned as he put his arm around her shoulder and led her to one of the high tables. 'So, come now. I'll get you a drink and we'll forget about darts.'

She nodded and smiled. 'So tell me. Anything new?'

'About...?' Pacey asked with an undertone of inconvenience.

'You know, about whom.' She said, leaning back and looking at him.

'Let's please not talk about her, tonight Audrey. I don't want to.' His eyes clouded over. 'This will only end in another lecture and in me becoming homesick after someone, who probably have forgotten me by now.'

She sighed and put one hand on his. 'She hasn't forgotten you.'

'And how would you know?'

'I just do.' She took the drinks from the waiter and offered one glass to him. He took it and drank a bit.

'So, I think, you've never told me, what brings an astonishing woman like you on board of a cruiser and holds her here?' He said with a smirk.

She fell unusual quiet and sighed.

'Would rather not talk about it right now.' She said, not daring to look at him, her voice merely audible. 'Let's just say, my being here is most equal to you're being here.' She sighed and forced a smile to her face. 'And now, let's get back to the fun part, Mister Witter. What did you have in mind?'

'Don't know. What about another game of darts?' He grinned and held up the arrows.

She wiped her head and then sighed in surrenderence. 'Okay, so one last game you got.'

Pacey grinned, bowed and gestured her to be first. 'After you, my dear.'

She looked at him, began to laugh and gave his back of the head a slight claps. 'Silly you!' She grinned and then she threw an arrow, with flew far off the dartboard. Pacey nodded his head in respect and with a sparkle in his eyes as she turned around. 'Well done!' She gave him a playfully dark look as he stepped forward to claim his turn on the darts.

'You will see what you get out of it...' She grinned and was amazed of the effortlessness with which he threw his dart right into the black and the deeply pleased grin, as he stepped back and offered her the spot so she could embarrass herself some more.

After she lost the game, as she'd expected she would, Audrey grinned at him and gave him an upward look.

'So, now Mister Witter, my revenge: You'll go dancing with me – now.'

His huge and confident smile faded away and her conscience got bad at the instant. 'I don't dance, Audrey. I told you that.'

She swallowed, not wanting to throwing the good mood and laughter out the window. 'Well then, what'd you suggest?'

He smiled at her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her out of the bar gentlemen-like. 'I...' He said at length. 'Would offer you late-night-diner, out on the deck under the stars... or, much more fun, in the big restaurants kitchen.'

She giggled and placed her head on his shoulder, feeling just comfy and pleased to have somebody so dear to her but without any intentions of deepening things. Just enjoying each others company. 'I would prefer a night-swim without the food, although your food is awesome.'

He chuckled and placed a little platonic kiss on her hair. Sometimes she remembered him almost hurtfully of Joey at the time they not even hat a clou about where life would lead them.

'You'll get it.' He stated simply and walked silently with her towards the deck.

* * *

Joey looked at her wall and smiled. /Wait for me./ She'd wrote on what seemed like a stormy sea with a little sailboat in the middle of it. She stepped a few steps backward and took her camera out of her backpack. In the mild morning light she took a photo of her wall and than nodded.

Hurried she grabbed her things and made her way to her house.

She just dropped her backpack on the door, jumped the stairs up and hopped into the shower. She smiled as the warm water caressed her body and flows through her hair. In about six hours she and Jen would be sitting in the airplane that would take them to Florida. She hummed a song and couldn't help but feeling utterly happy. This was going to be a new beginning. Not without Pacey in her heart but without drowning in heartache and pain. And additional, the cruise would shorten the waiting time, until he finally would come back to her, and that he would return, she doubted not for one second.

She dressed and dried her now shoulder long hair and smiled at the way it curled around her face. Jen had suggested a new haircut for the cruise and Joey quite liked it. In a very good mood she danced more than she actually walked into her bedroom and began to pack all the things, she had put out. Sweet summer dresses, short trousers, swimming dresses, one plain black evening dress, shoes, a light jacket, the picture of Pacey she loved the most and the name tag of the true love and this and that.

Finally the doorbell rang and teared her off her thoughts. She smiled and looked around the beloved home. Grabbing the suitcase, her handbag and a little cabin baggage with chocolate and a book. She grinned as she heard the siren of Doug's police truck outside. She got out of the house and winded up carefully. Turning she let her bags hit the ground and with a smirk she got down on both knees and pulled her hands in the air as Doug came around the truck to help her carry her suitcase.

'I'm living, here, I swear.' She stated playfully and he grinned, but sat up a serious face as he grabbed her arm to help her stand. 'If you say so, lady. So, please don't cause me trouble here and just get in the car. I found another girl with luggage earlier. Will see what I make of you two.' He grinned as she made her way to the truck. Assuaged about her clearly good mood and the warm smile that finally had returned. Joey greeted Jen, before getting in the back seat. As Doug got onto the truck he turned around and faced her. 'Maybe I'll just get you two out of the county, so you can trouble someone else.'

The three of them laughed heartedly as Doug stared the truck and got on the road.

* * *

'I can't believe, we're doing this...' Jen stated, as they stood in front of the luxurious cruiser. During the flight, they'd looked through the leaflets of the shipping company in general and the cruiser in special. They'd made plans, what to do with the enormous options they would have to spend their free time. Joey shop was supposed to be open from ten to eight with a two hour break on noon, so this would leave them plenty of time to fill with … almost everything they could dream of. Wellness, gym, swimming, dancing, relax and good food. There was supposed to be an opening event in the main restaurant, in which the two of them could dine for free. Jen furrowed her brow as she read through the restaurant guide as it read 'main restaurant, head chef P. Witter', but decided not to rub it in Joey's face, but to go and look for herself, before messing with Joey's head. Maybe it was just another P. Witter...

But now, that they stood in front of this enormously ship, that would be their home for the next couple of month, she'd almost forgotten about that and just starred in awe at this beauty, as did Joey, who was totally flashed with the sight.

The man beside them, who had collected the on the airport smiled. 'So, my ladies, would you please follow me, so I can show you to your apartments and then to the captain to get the keys to you shop. Your drawings had already arrived yesterday.'

'Yeah, sure' Joey managed to say as she forced her eyes off the ship. She smiled at the thought, that Pacey would have loved to cruise with her. Still smiling she linked her warm with Jen's. 'I'm glad, you came along.'

'Yeah, me too, honey. I would have surely missed the whole fun.' She grinned wildly as she followed the guy, who carried their bags.

Pacey swirled through the huge kitchen. He gave his orders, throw a look in the ovens and stirred in some pots and pans. He cut vegetables and added spices in sauces and dressings and sups. All the while he smiled and hummed to the melody in the radio.

Today was opening night and he loved it. It was not much more work as other days, but it was something special and the chance to convince the new arrived guests, that his restaurant was the best on board the whole ship. He looked around and was pleased with his staff. Everyone knew exactly what to do and where to put everything. It was just perfect. The only thing missing was Joey, but he pushed the thought of her from his head, instead he began to arrange the lasagna.

Joey was totally stunned about her apartment. She shared with Jen, but neither of them mind even the slightest. It was huge. A small kitchen, that most likely wouldn't be used at all, except maybe for the morning coffee. There were two bedrooms, each with a king sized bed. A bath with a tube and a shower. A living room with a flat screen and a very comfortable sofa, along with two armchairs and a completely set mini bar. And also a small desk with a telephone and a laptop.

'This would be your room. We hope, it matches your expectations.' The guy said. 'If there's anything missing, please don't hesitate to contact us.'

'room' Jen mouthed to Joey who tried not to giggle but set on a smile.

'Thanks a lot. Everything is just fine.' She managed to say, without bursting into laughter.

'So, I'll show you the shop, that will be yours. Please follow me.' Politely he stood in the door frame, held the door open and bowed slightly.

They followed him with linked arms. He stopped in front of a non lit shop, which was literally in the center of the shopping line and unwind the glass door. Jen instantly noticed the ice-café opposite to Joey new shop and smiled.

Joey followed the guy inside and her smile grew wider as the lights brought a warm light to the room that fits it almost perfect. All her pictured were places alongside the wall unpacked, which was perfectly okay with her, so she could arrange them, as she liked. There were plenty of space for everything and in the back of the shop was a separate room for a bureau. Joey smiled. Even the green plants, which she had ordered to green the gallery up had been placed in the middle, so she could arrange them.

'so, if everything it to you contentedness, I'll leave you to it.' The guy stated, waiting at the front door.

'Thank you.' Joey smiled at him. 'Everything is just perfect.'

Jen entered the shop and looked in awe at her friend. Joey spun around herself, taking it all in, then she suddenly stopped and looked at Jen, her eyes sparkling and a huge smile on her face. 'I can't believe this, Jen. Just look at it. Isn't is just awesome?'

'It is!' Jen stated and grinned at Joey. 'So I guess, we'll set everything up here before getting to the opening-thing.'

'Yeah', Joey smiled. 'And first, I'll hang this up.' She held the name tag of Pacey's ship up. 'I hope, he won't mind.'

Jen shook her head. 'I don't think he would.'

Joey grabbed a ladder and got outside the door. Fixing the name tag with a flint-borer. As she finished it, she stepped two steps away and looked at it. 'Beautiful. Just perfect.' She whispered.

'Yeah, it's really perfect. I'm glad, you took the offer.' Joey looked irritated at the woman who had suddenly appeared behind her. She had long blond hair and smiled at her. She offered Joey a hand, which she took. 'Oh. Hi, I'm Audrey. I just happen to know, you were to open a shop here.'

'Pleased to meet you, I'm Josephine Potter and...'

'I know. See you around, I'm late.' With that she was gone as suddenly as she had appeared

Joey's eyes followed her and Jen appeared in the door frame.

'What was that about?' She asked with a raised eyebrow.

'I honestly have no idea...' Joey frowned and than smiled at Jen. 'What ever. Let's get to work, otherwise we'll be missing this opening event.'

**So, again I'm sorry it's a short one and I promise some reunions in the next chaper.**

**Please leave me a short comment.**


	9. Chapter 8

**So - not one review to my last chapter... makes me wonder if it was /that bad/...**

**If you guy's want this to continue, please review.**

**Enjoy, Yana**

Out of reach

Chapter 8

Joey sat on the edge of her bed and looked around. Outside she could hear Jen rumoring in the kitchen. Wrapping a bathrobe over her shoulder she went outside her room and looked at her friend. She was glad, that Jen had come along.

'Is everything alright, Jen?'

Jen turned and shot her a smile. 'Jep' Jen stated and popped the "p". 'And with you? You look musing and the light mood that was there earlier somehow faded, I fear.'

'I don't know. I think I'm stupid. Surly it's sleep deprivation.' She lean against the breakfast table and rubbed her head.

Jen nodded and wrinkled her forehead. Than she took a few steps towards her friend, laying both hands on each of her shoulders she looked Joey in the eyes seriously. 'Just spill it, Jo.'

'No,' the brunette waged her head and smiled a half smile. 'You'll only think I'm going crazy, Jen.' Joey rolled her eyes, pured herself a large glass of water and nearly emptied it with one long sip.

'Just say it, Josephine, dear.' Jen mimicked the voice of her Grams and they both smiled. 'Seriously Joey, come on. What's bothering you? If not share it with me, with whom will you share?' She gave her a look and her eyes followed her to the couch. Jen took a breath. The dark cloud that hovered over Joey's head worried her more than she could say. The whole evening went well, with much of laughter and many really good talks. Before, all of a sudden, Joey fell silent and shortly after that excused herself. Jen followed Joey and plopped beside her onto the great, comfy couch.

'Besides, I saw you all these month and I heard each and every lament. I wiped away most of your tears and shared all your pain. I even went with you to the docks in the middle of the winter to wait for him to magically reappear.' She smiled a warm smile and cupped one of Joey's hands with hers. 'What in heaven and hell could you say, _really_, that would even shock me in the slightest little tiny bit?'

Joey laughed and gave a shrug. Leaning her head onto her friend's shoulder she closed her eyes, hating the sudden sting of tears. 'Nothing maybe.' It was a mere whisper and Jen could hear Joey's voice shake. Joey hesitated and took a deep breath, and than another one. 'I… I think...' She lifted her head, put both hands in her hair and tussled through it, as if that would somehow sort her thoughts. Than she looked in Jen's eyes and her expression was all serious. 'Jen, maybe I get really crazy and maybe I need serious help but...' she swallowed and her eyes drifted away before looking at her friend again. 'Pacey, I...' She sighed helplessly and looked down on the floor, than slowly back up again, only to meet Jen's tender and gently gaze. 'I think, I saw him tonight, Jen.'

* * *

Pacey left the kitchen and looked around the devastated restaurant. It couldn't be long before the sun would shine her first light through the windows. Everything was cleaned up and everyone had long left. His eyes got locked on one of the paintings that were newly arranged on the walls. He hadn't seen them, as he came here last afternoon, but now the realization literally hit him in the face. He recognized a few of them. Joey's paintings. Even one of his beloved boat. He smiled lugubrious. A picture from earlier this day flooded in his mind. _A young woman with shoulder long, slightly ringlet auburn hair, surrounded by a little crowd, including the captain was chatting and laughing. He remembered being totally caught in her sight. And as she turned for a second, a flashing smile all over her face. __She seemed to held her breath, as their eyes met and time stood still for a moment__, he'd almost __dropped__ the plate __with sushi __he was carrying._

He poured himself another glass of thick, crimson wine and sat on one of the devastated tables. Was this possible? Was she here? But why? Was it really her, or was his head playing games with him? And what was he about to do? Lost in his thoughts, he rolled the wineglass shaft between his fingers, while gazing deep into the crimson liquid as if to find any answers there.

He couldn't have said, how long he'd sat there, but eventually a shadow flowed over the table and without asking, slided on one of the free chairs on his table.

'So, he left me Pacey...' A small, familiar voice stated and he raised his eyes to look at her. His heart warmed and he led out a sigh. Somehow relieved, that it was her who'd found him.

'Like to share?' He asked with a croaky voice suddenly deadly tired.

'What's there to say? One day I caught him kissing his boss. A tall, great looking woman. They stood in our apartment, drinking sparkling wine and ..well,' Audrey swallowed and poured herself some of the wine, taking a deep slurp. 'I got out, he chased after me, telling me it was for his job and for the money and all… But I, I couldn't stand it. Though I tried.'

'He cheated on you and you let him?' Pacey asked with pure disbelieve in his voice.

'Pretty much, yeah. Until he came to me and said, she'd gotten pregnant and I have to understand, that there was really no other way than for her to marry him, but he would like me to linger around.' She laughed bitterly. 'But I couldn't. I just couldn't, Pacey. He was the only man I'd ever wanted. And I've waited for him, stood in the background and watched as he took her on dates, on vacations. Every day waiting for him to grace me with his presence for some hours.' She looked at him and her blue eyes swam in tears. 'He broke my heart and I tried to collect the shreds and splinters and got on a flight towards Florida. There I came across the Seadream and, well… Now I'm here.' She smiled sadly. 'So, as I said, my being here has pretty much the same reason like your being here. I lost my life and the love that filled it, so please Pacey...', she blinked and the tears that filled her eyes ran over her cheek. 'Please go to her, say her you've missed her and that you've been a moron to just leave her behind without so much as a word, full well knowing, it'll break her. Because, honestly Pacey...' She downed her wine and poured herself another glass. 'If Marc would come through this door right now.' She laughed and waged her head. 'I would take him back without even asking, even after all this time.'

'But why?' Pacey shook his head unfathomable.

'Because I love him. Always have, always will.' She stood, laid her arms lightly around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his forehead, he rested his head on her chest. 'And she loves you.'

He closed his eyes and so wished her words would be true. 'But she isn't here, is she?' He asked, afraid of the answer. His heart beating like crazy, his head swimming.

'Just open your eyes, Pacey. She's all around.' She smiled and hugged him a little closer. 'Oh, there has been a shop-opening today. It's named True Love' She whispered in his ear and his breath got caught in his lungs. 'What was the name of your boat again?' She smiled against his ear and placed a light kiss above it in his short hair. 'Good night, Pacey.' With that she turned to leave.

'Night, Aud.' He said quietly, looking at the bottom of his glass and drifted into thoughts again.

Jen was tired. Joey has fallen asleep on the couch not long after their conversation. Jen had covered her with a blanket, but couldn't sleep herself. She felt horrible, knowing that she needed the rest badly, but decided to walk a little bit, before trying to sleep again. Somehow she ended up here and she watched the scene in the restaurant.

* * *

'Sorry, if I'm interrupting.' Jen stepped in Audrey's way as she left the restaurant. 'I'd just like to know…' She hesitated. 'Is this guy in there by any chance Pacey Witter?'

Audrey swallowed and than nodded. 'Yeah he is.' Her voice was gentle, but sad and low.

'I know, it's none of my business, but - are you - let's say interwinded with him?' Jen asked with a serious voice, never one to hold her tongue. She had to know, because if Pacey had cheated on Joey, she was pretty sure it would break her friend all over again.

Audrey laughed a small laugh. 'No, not in that particular way, no.'

'Good, because...' Jen let out a breath of utter relieve.

'Because of your friend Joey.' Audrey pointed out and Jen choked.

'How do you know?'

'Let's just say, I befriended Pacey a while ago and happen to know one thing or two about him.' Jen smiled knowingly.

'I see…' She decided, that she liked that woman. 'So, you're not by chance this mysterious Audrey, that got my friend the opportunity of this cruise?'

'Do I look like I was?' Audrey asked with a little smirk.

'Yeah….' Jen nodded, not sure what made her ask it in the fist place, but now she'd done it, it was something that surly would fit. 'Yeah I think I wouldn't past it on you.' Jen grinned.

'So, yes.' Audrey smiled warmly, pushing the sad thoughts away. 'I'm her.'

'Great' Jen stated with a warm smile.

'And you must be Jen, than...'

'In fact I am.' She laughed. 'See, I think I could need a little bit of an accomplice here. And set the fact, that you know Pacey pretty well, I would think that you'll be exactly the person I was searching for.'

'I'd like that, Jen.' Audrey linked her arm with Jen's. 'So, what do you think. A little late night drinking and I tell you everything you need to know?'

'Sound's great to me. But let me ask you a question first.'

'Sure!' She nodded.

'Why'd you done this? It's pretty obvious you like him.'

'Yeah, pretty much.' She smiled. 'And that's the exact reason I'm doing this. I was alone for a long long time and in Pacey I've finally found a real good friend. And I want him to be happy and the only person that can accomplish that seems to be that mysterious Joey of yours.' She looked Jen in the eyes. 'And before you ask, no, there has been nothing more than a kiss and him calling me her name… Since than, we're friends, pretty good ones actually.'

'I think, I already like you!' Jen laughed heartedly and Audrey joined in and than the two of them headed off to make plans.

* * *

**Two days later**

Pacey had showered and went to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast, the whole apartement smelled like hot, fresh coffee, thanks to the timer on his coffee maker. He flipped on the radio and turned towards the fridge and was about to grab the box of eggs and some milk for the coffee.

'Morning Pacey'

He froze and closed his eyes.

'Stunned by thunder?'

He took a deep breath and slowly turned to see Jen sitting on his breakfast table and looking at him with serious eyes.

'Almost...' His voice was croaky. He starred at her, as if he had seen a ghost.

'Won't you offer me a coffee?' She asked with a raised eyebrow.

'I...I...' He closed the fridge and lean against the kitchen plate. Put a hand into his hair and shook is head. Than, without so much as a word he poured her one mug, put some milk and a teaspoon sugar in it and handed it over in silence.

'Thanks.'

'What in seven hells are you doing here, Jen? Who've let you in?'

She smiled and lifted the bundle of keys that lay on the table. 'I happen to got lucky and met this astonishing friend of yours who didn't hesitate to lend me the key's to your apartment.'

He just starred on the keys and closed his eyes.

'Is _she_ here?' He somehow managed to say, his voice shaking, as were his hands and his whole body tensed. His stomach clenched and his heart beating furiously, his breath came in short breathes and his eyes flickered nervously between Jen and the kitchen floor.

Jen observed him a long while and than she stood and stepped towards him. She could see his crazy heartbeat through his shirt. 'If by _she_ you mean Joey, than yes, Pacey. Yes she is.' Her voice was low and she placed a hand on his shoulder. 'Are you going to break her heart again, Pacey?' He lifted his eyes to met her's. 'Are you?'

'I... I didn't...'

'Oh boy!' Jen shook her head. 'You did. You broke her in pieces, Pacey. She literally drowned in pain after you left her with nothing.' She tried to calm herself, but she hadn't expected the sudden wave of anger that flowed through her body and mind. 'In the end, she couldn't even paint anymore.' He swallowed and his head sunk to his chest.

'I... I left a note...' He stated in one misrable attent to defend himself, but as soon as the words came out, he regretted them. Jen shot him a fierce look and he knew, that if eyes had the ability to kill, he'd stopped breathing right in that very second.

'And your ring!'

'I didn't meant to...' He felt miserable.

'Oh, sure you didn't and I surely hope, that had you known, what an effect your leaving would have, you hadn't left at all. I've never... Never ever in my entire life seen someone so helplessly alone as Joey this last year. She cried her heart out. She waited for you every waking minute and even in her sleep. She tried hard to make sense of her life without you, but failed because she couldn't let go of you. Because she hoped, you magically reappear even in the deepest winter storm, she would stand on the dock, looking out for you.' Jen took a deep breath. 'She tried to commit suicide, Pacey, and ironically, hadn't you called and actually said something on the answering machine – well, we wouldn't be standing here, having this conversation...' Jen observed him, as his face got pale. 'Joey only recently got her smile back and don't you dare, steal it away again.' She was surprised how defensive she had become, when it comes to Joey.

'I don't even know what to do, Jen. Maybe I'll leave and...'

'Oh no... No no no!' Jen shook her head eagerly and grabbed his wrist. 'You, Pacey John Witter. You will not run away again, do you hear me?' Her anger was written all over her face. 'Your friend Audrey arranged this opportunity, because she couldn't get you to come home. Like it or not, you'll have no chance to run away anymore.' She looked in his horrified expression and her voice softens, as she stepped closer to him and took one of his hands in her's.  
'She won't reject you, I promise. As I just said, she waited for you every single second since you've left her. She's got but one wish for Christmas and, well...' She smiled a bit. 'I would say, she sometimes is a bit jealous of me and... well, Doug.'

He looked at her, as the meaning of her words slowly sank in. He shook his head and chuckled.

'Wait, you lost me there... It almost sounded, as if you had said, that Doug and you...?' He raised an eyebrow in pure disbelieve.

'We're together, Pace.' She looked at him seriously. 'And this is not the only thing you've missed. So please, don't waste any more time and just get your ass to this girlfriend of yours and show her, that you've missed her too.' She hesitated. 'That is, if you have actually missed her.'

He let out a short breath. 'Oh yes, I have. Every minute I've missed her like hell.' His eyes met Jens. 'Are you sure... I mean... She's got all the right in the world to be mad at me, to reject me, to want to never ever see me again...'

'This is, why you hadn't come back, now is it?'

He nodded.

'Pacey, I can promise you, she won't reject you. Sure she will want one or two or maybe more answers and you sure as hell have to fight to get her trust back. But her love?' She shook her head and smiled. 'You've had it all along.'

'Thanks Jen.' He spontaneously hugged her tight. 'I'm so glad you here.'

* * *

It was way after noon, the regular costumers stream had faded. Jen was in the bureau and Joey grabbed a big glass pitcher and filled it with water. She smiled over all her face.

'I'll go and water the foliage plants and then we'll close. I just want to have a nice run in the gym and than get some of that real good food at the restaurant. What do you think?'

'I think I'll join you at dinner, don't feel like running.' Jen smiled at her back as Joey left the bureau.

Joey hummed a tiny melody as she went in the exhibition room to water her plants, as she suddenly realized a silhouette that stood uncertain in the middle of the room. 'Just one moment please, I'll be right with you.' She stated and looked around one of the movable walls to greet the unexpected customer, as suddenly her face fell and the pitch slipped from her hand and shuttered on the ground.

'Pacey...' She managed to say as her eyes stucked on the man who stood there, not sure what to make of himself. Joey raised one hand and placed it on her mouth, before taking a step towards him, not sure, if this was real.

'Joey, is everything...?' Jen looked around the corner and as she saw Pacey standing in the middle of the shop, no one actually hearing her, she smiled and walked past them, switching the door sign to "closed" and pulled the door silently shut as she left.

**Want a continue?**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hi out there,**

**I think after this chapter, there will be probably two more.**

**Hope you enjoy! Please review, so I know, what you did and didn't like.**

**Greetz, Yana**

**Out of reach**

Chapter 9

Pacey stood in front of the store. He shifted uncertain from one foot to the other. Not entirely sure, that this was the right idea.

But on the other hand, he wasn't on duty in the restaurant today and Jen had assured him, that on this time in the late afternoon the store was normally empty, because most of the guests were out for diner or dressing up for it. Audrey had free tonight as well, and she and Jen had already made plans for themselves.

His eyes were locked on the name tag of his ship over the glass door of Joey's shop. His heart clenched and beating like crazy and he felt nervous like he hadn't since high school. He took a deep breath, and than another one and even one more. He straightened his shoulders and with all his courage entered the exhibition room. He gazed across the paintings, even one or two photographs. One was of Joey's wall he recognized and he felt a sting in his heart, as he read what was written there "Wait for me". He knew it was for him, in case he'd returned while she was here and in that instant he knew also, that he had waited for her, even if it meant he had to his whole life. And it was clear to him, that she hadn't had a chance to not wait for him also.

'Just one moment please, I'll be right with you.' He heard her voice from behind one of the movable walls and his heart sunk, all the while beating as if it was about to jump from his chest. His hand shook and her voice sent a chill down his spine. Than she appeared from behind the wall and he felt a small, uncertain smile built on his face.

'Hello Joey', Pacey said quietly, his voice sure as hell gave away his nervousness. He drank in her sight and couldn't quite believe, that he could have lived without her for such a long time. Her hair framed her beautiful face, she wore s cute summer dress and carried a glass pitch. All colour suddenly faded from her face, as she whispered his name and the pitch slipped through her hands to shutter on the floor, spilling the rest of the remaining water on the floor as well. She took a step towards him and he was so caught in her sight, that he saw Jen's leaving only subconscious and out of the corner of his eyes.

They stood there and looked at each other for how long neither of them could tell. Then, slowly, they took step after step towards each other until finally they were so close, they could hear each others breath. Pacey so craved to hold her in his arms. Her eyes locked with his and the world around him disappear. He could only hear his blood rushing in his ears, his heart beat and his breath coming shortly.

'Jo...' He managed to whisper somehow, his voice low and deep and croaky. Unable to move and unable to look away, jet not sure if he was allowed to take her in his arms as he so longed to do. 'Jo.' He said her name jet again and closed his eyes only to open them immediately, afraid she would somehow disappear, if he looked away.

Joey's beautiful eyes swam in tears, she not so much as blinked. 'Pace...' She whispered and sending shivers down his spine, he had so longed to hear her call his name again. Her was voice shaky and barely recognizable. 'Pacey...' She closed her eyes shortly, sending the tears falling down her cheeks as she lifted her arms to rest her hands on his arm. Her hands sending warm shivers thruogh his body and he sure knew, that he would fight for her, as if it were his life at stake. And the deep love he could see in her eyes almost overwhelmed him. 'You feeling better?' She whispered, honest consern in her eyes.

He almost chuckled. Here she stood crying, asking _him_ if he felt better... He felt his own tears rise in his eyes. In fact he felt miserable for letting her alone for so long. He didn't try to withstand the urge to pull her close any longer and just wrapped his arms around her as tight as humanly possible. He closed his eyes, sending his own tears running free, as he felt her arms tighten around him. He led out a deep sigh of relieve, as he felt suddenly like coming home. For the first time since the accident he truly felt peace and relieve and certainty. Her head rested against his chest and he could feel her sobbing in his arms. He traced his hand through her hair and just held her for a long time.

'All better, Jo.' He whispered in her hair. Breathing her in, her smell, her feel, all of her and love streamed through him like never before and in this very moment he wondered why the urge to flee from this loving arms of hers has been suddenly so strong that he couldn't resist it any longer. Why her touch had suddenly become unbearably and her presence had almost disgusted him as did her voice. The mere idea, of him being good without this amazing woman in his arms seems laughable at the least. Here they stood, she the one left behind, not condemn him, nor blame him, nor asking anything, just wondering if he was okay. Pacey just quite couldn't believe it and he placed a shy kiss on her hair, overwhelmed with everything that happened in that exact moment. 'Now' he tightened his embrace if this even was possible. 'Now, I'm all better.'

'Good' She mumbled and her head still resting against his shoulder, Joey tried incredibly hard, to get her racing heart and her stumbling breath under control. Her emotions on the loop. There was everything at once. Love, hate, anger, longing. She craved to hold him forever, kiss him, tell him it would be okay and she was willing to stay. Jet she wanted answers so badly, had to know what held him from her for so long. She wanted to tell him, she still loved him, that she'd missed him like hell, but she decided it was his turn first, and so she took all of her self-control together and pushed him away from her. Her eyes still filled with tears, as were his she noticed. She wiped away some of her own tears.

'I think, we have to talk, Pacey. Seriously...'

He nodded and the sudden wave of guilt and worry almost overwhelmed him. 'Yeah, we should.' He tried a smile as he offered her a hand, which she didn't take and so he put his arm down again with sadness in his eyes as she full well saw. 'Care for some diner?' He asked with an uncertain half smile. 'I could make you some lasagne at mine?'

Joey nodded. 'Sure, Pacey. I'd really like that.'

Relieved he opened the door for her, so she could get outside the store. She locked the door and than looked at him nervously, playing with the keys, before putting them into her hand-back, he noticed, that she still wore their engagement ring. She put her hands on her back and motioned him to lead the way.

* * *

Pacey unlocked the door to his apartment and Joey entered his place shyly. He flushed on some decent lights.

'It's nice...' She stated and felt sixteen again, all nervous and anxious and like stepping on unknown territory.

'Yeah, it's quite fitting.' He tried another smile and she noticed, that he shifted uneasy under her gaze and looked away. 'So... would you like something to drink?'

'Yeah... sure.' Her voice was soft. He headed off to the kitchen, halfway he turned to find her still standing in the doorway. Again unsure of what to say to this woman which meant everything to him and which he had known inside out, but now suddenly seemed like a stranger to him. He paused and looked at her, took a deep breath. 'Would you... would you like to join me?' His voice low and she could hear the insecurity, that had left him so many years ago, was back there. She couldn't deny, watching him cook was one of the things she missed in her everyday life. It was a part of her life for so long and they solved most of life's misery's and pretty much of their crisis in the kitchen, she on the kitchen plate or on a chair, wrapped in a big sweater and he cutting vegetables or meat, spinning pans or stirring in pots. They laughed and bantered, they argue and loved in the kitchen... and sometimes simply were together without questioning it.

'I'd love to, Pace.' She gave him a lopsided smile and he let out a relieved breath.

'Great.' So she followed him halfway through the room as her eyes get stuck on a certain photo on the wall. She swallowed at the lump that suddenly stuck in her throat. He noticed her stopping and turned.

'You kept it?' Her voice barely audible as her eyes switched from the photograph at the wall to the man who holds her heart.

'Yes I did.' He stepped closer to her and looked her in the eyes, nothing but sincerity to be found. 'It was one of the happiest days in my life, Jo. You agreed to marry me and made me the absolute slap happiest, fortunate, luckiest man in all the universe.' His eyes shone, his soft voice covered her in a warm silk blanchet and Joey knew in that instant, why she had fallen for him in the first place. He always cherished her, everything she does, whatever she said or done, all was special for him, even her poor attempts to cook him diner or bake him some birthday cake and mistook the salt for the sugar. But she couldn't get rid of the bitterness, that had cumulated in her heart over the last year.

'And jet you'd left me.' She didn't mean for the words to actually slip from her tongue, but they did and now they were out in the open, Pacey had to somehow deal with them. His face fell from one moment to the other and he seem to cave. He looked at her with such sad eyes that she would have her arms around him in an instant kiss his pain and insecurity away, assure him of her love, but she just knew, if she did it, she wouldn't have the strength to ask him all she wanted to know, and to make him actually fight for her. And that was what she wanted, what she desperately needed she suddenly realized.

'Yes. I guess I did. And I'm sorry, but I can't make it undone.' He said quietly, his face shell shocked again like almost all of the time before he'd left. He slightly shrugged before turning and heading off for the kitchen once more. Where he started cutting vegetables, preparing the meat and stirring the sauce. He was nervous as hell. Didn't know what to say and if he even knew the woman standing in his apartment anymore. He wanted to hold her so much it almost tore him apart, every fibre of his being craved for her. He wanted to kiss her and tell her, all would be okay, that he was never going to leave her again, but he was sure – despite of what Jen had said – Joey wasn't going to make this easy on him and hell, she had all the right in the world to let him on tenterhooks. Jet he caught himself, eyeing over to her every time he could, couldn't quite believe, that she was here and he maybe, just maybe, would in fact get a chance to make it up to her. But how? God, this was as hard as he'd apprehended it to be. If only he could wrap his arms around her and let her know, that he never, never ever stopped loving her.

Joey could not get her eyes from the picture, it brought back so many memory's, it almost physically hurt her to look at it. She closed her eyes for a second and than followed Pacey to the kitchen.

Without much thinking, she sat on one of the chairs, which stood by the kitchen table and pulled one leg close to her body. Joey drank in the sight of the man she so much loved and had missed for such a long time. His body's movements smooth and totally confident of his doing. She let her fingers play with the necklace she wore and slipped one of her fingers through his ring, wondering if he would ever again wear it. And as she watched him, she felt the tears watering her eyes again and hated it. She wasn't quite sure what to make of this extremely weird situation. He preparing diner for her as if it were an every day event and jet it lingered so much tension between them. She slowly closed her eyes and wiped away the falling tears. She felt further away from him than ever since he left.

Pacey smiled inside, as he felt her eyes in his back. It felt so familiar, so much like coming home. He almost expected her to lean beside him, back on the plate, telling him about her day, cherishing his evening off. Kissing him now and than, maybe making love to him as they sometimes did to shorten the waiting time, until diner was ready. But this wasn't happening and he knew it. There was a hell of a long way ahead of them, if things were ever going to be that way again. And god, did he wish he could just somehow make it happen.

He was looking good, Joey noticed watching him turning and moving through the kitchen. And she felt the uninvited urge to wrap her arms around him from behind, rest her chin on the soft skin of his neck and just kiss him and let all the tension and uncertainty evaporate, like it always does when he hold her. She wished she could just give him his ring back, but she couldn't. This was just to serious, to hurtful, hell – it made her want to yell at him, hit him – but she just couldn't.

'So, uhm...' Joey almost jumped, as he finally spoke up. Pacey turned after he'd put the lasagne into the oven and finished the salad. His hands slightly shaky, so he put them into his pockets. 'Want something to drink, whilst we're waiting?' He loved the way, her chin rested on her knee and she was looking at him with this beautiful, deep, meaningful eyes of hers.

'Sure.' She nodded and watched him, as he walked towards the fridge again. Suddenly remembering, that this was, what he wanted to do in the first place and he turned his head to look at her over his shoulder. 'Sorry, Joey, I forgot..' But she just gave him a dismissive wave and a small smile, which gave him butterflies and he smiled, feeling happier than ever. Slowly Pacey returned with crimson wine and a bottle with sparkling water.

'Water please. I'm not so sure, wine is the right decision right now.' She waged her head, as she saw his face fall. 'Maybe along with this delicious lasagne of yours.' Joey pointed to the oven and tried a half smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. Pacey nodded and poured her a glass of water, all the insecurity was back and he just didn't know what to say or do or even to expect.

He poured another glass of water for himself and ploncked on the chair opposite of Joey. 'So...' His voice was croaky and he cleared his throat but that wasn't working eventually. 'Tell me Jo, how've you been?'

She let out an humourless laugh. 'I?' She looked at him with all to clear disbelieve and hurt. 'I've been just fine Pacey. Just fine...' She felt her eyes tear up again and she hated it, anger bubbled through her every being.

'Jo...?' His voice was soft but shaky and he just hated to see, what this last year had made of this cheerful, ever smiling, happy and life-filled woman he'd left. She was a mere shadow of herself and he knew it was on his conscience.

'Wanna know the truth Pacey?' She stood, her eyes shooting fiery arrows and he almost could feel her fury. Joey's chin was shaking, her eyes finally overflowing with tears and it broke his heart, he almost couldn't stand, looking at her. And for the millionth time he realized, that what he'd have done, was the most stupidest thing, he could have done. 'I've been terrible. Terribly lost without you. All alone.'

'Jo...' She shifted away from him, as he reached out to touch her arm. 'No, Pacey. I lost all the meaning in life. There was no sense in living any more. I just craved every waking moment, waiting for you.' She helplessly gestured in the air and than moved a hand through her auburn hair. Helplessly forlorn. 'I would stand on the dock every day at the same time, some days twice, and starred into the horizon, hoping for your return. Even in the deepest winter. Streets I walked all my life were suddenly foreigen. I almost couldn't breathe some days. Everything was hurting. That woman in the mirror wasn't me. Our house was lonely and abandoned, even with people in it.' Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him. 'You wrecked me, Witter. You did.' She bit her lower lip, her voice heavy with anger and sadness and loneliness. She took a deep breath, her voice low. 'As I woke that particular morning, I knew even before I opened my eyes that you were gone. Truth be told, I even knew before that – you were gone long before you actually left me. I felt, that somehow you've died there, along with Jack and Dawson.' She watched him wince, as she spoke their names out loud. Her voice was quiet and croaky, but she wasn't finished. 'I knew, that somehow my love wasn't strong enough to hold you, to give you strength. That my hand wasn't enough to hold you and help you through the loss, not only you had suffered. That somehow I wasn't worth telling me face to face what your staff clearly knew for a long time. And as I found your ring, well – I refused to believe it nevertheless.' She breathed deep, angrily wiping the tears away, that unbidden rolled down her cheeks. 'Well, I cancelled the wedding, brought back my dress. Telling everybody that you were gone and I didn't have a clue when and if you'll ever come back.' She sank to the kitchen floor. 'I guess it's my fault, now, isn't it? If I've only loved you more, gave you more room, held you more often, assured you of my being there. Maybe you hadn't have to run from me?' and she took a deep breath before looking him straight in the eyes again and the pain she saw there somehow missed to touch her. 'But you also saved my life. Literally.' She merely whispered

'Jo, I...' He stumbled over his words. Wanted to hold her so badly, wanted to explain, wanted to let her know, that he'd never even for a heartbeat stopped loving her. That she wasn't the reason he'd left.

'I should go.' She stood and walked through the room.

'Please, Joey... Please don't leave like that.' He felt like fifteen again, like the day she'd dropped him because of Dawson shortly after the christening of the True Love and his heart broke as he watched her leave.

'Thanks for the water anyway.' She turned in the door frame a sad smile on her face. He saw, that she wanted to say something, but as her eyes met his and a tear escaped her eyes she just shook her head and closed the door quietly behind herself.

Pacey starred at the door and than at the chair, where she had sat only heartbeats before. He hadn't expected her to be that broken. As the timer beeped for the lasagne, he took it out of the oven, suddenly not hungry any more. He poured himself some of the wine, he had wanted to share with Joey and stood in front of her picture.

'I'm so sorry, my love.' He whispered. 'Please... Please, let me show you just how very sorry I am. Let me in again, and I swear I won't screw it this time. I won't...'

**Pretty please: Take a second of your time and leave me a comment...**


	11. Chapter 10

**Hey guy's.**

**Thanks for all the reviews. They keep me going. Next chapter is almost finished, hope I'll get it up for you tomorrow, in case I don't I'll be not able to post it until monday. So, keep me going :-)**

**Greetz, Yana**

Out of reach

Chapter 10

Joey let hersself sink against the door of their apparmement. Her arms wrapped around her legs, she rested her forehead onto her knees and sobbed helplessly. This wasn't what she had wanted. She was more afraid than ever, that she had lost him.

After what seemed like forever, she eventually crawled to the sofa, tugged a blanket over herself and holed up underneath. This was how Jen found her by midnight.

'Hey Joe...', Jen sat bside her and tucked a strain of hair behind her ear, full aware that her friend, thuogh her eyes wewre closed, was wide awake. Remembering Pacey standing all of a sudden in the bar and Audrey's eyes overshadowing, as she walked over and sat with him. Jen knew in that instant, that she had to look after Joey and found herself right with the decision to come back here. 'Didn't went so well, hu?' She asked softly.

'No', Joey breathed, her eyes still closed, as if it would shelter her from the world somehow. 'No, not at all... This sucks!' She was all cried out, but she felt her eyes burn nonetheless. 'And it hurts even worse than ever before.' She sighed. 'If this is even possible...'

'Come here' Jen opened her arms and Joey let herself sunk in her embrace.

'I wanted to kiss him so badly, Jen. To hold him. To tell him I'd missed him like hell, but...'

'It didn't felt right?' Jen filled in softly, caressing her friend's back and then stroking her hair.

Joey shook her head. 'I was so proud. I just wanted him to say it first.' She sighed at the peace, that came with Jen stroking her hair. 'I yelled at him instead. I blamed him. I couldn't help it. The words, the anger and all my frustration just bubbled out of my mouth, and I couldn't stop spiting it in his face.' She paused and Jen remained silent.

'Jen?'

'Yeah, Joey?'

'I think I've made it worse, than it already is...'

'No, Joey. You have all the right in the world to blame him, to let him know, that he hurt you more than he realizes. If anything, than he had made it worse, by not letting you know that he was on the leave in the first place.'

'Yeah... Maybe your right.'

After a long while of silence, Joey whispered. 'I'm sorry Jen.'

Jen chuckeld. 'And for what exactly are _you_ sorry for, hon?'

'For screwing, what was supposed to be a funny trip.'

'No, now let me tell you something.' Joey turned her head in Jens lap, so she could look at her. 'This has to happen eventually. And my guess is, that the sooner you guys have sorted things out, the sooner this trip is going to be fun. Real fun without anyone missed, you know. Like it was supposed to be. You and Pacey, with me – just like in old times, right?' Joey nodded. 'That would be nice. I miss his humor.'

Jen laughed. 'I bet you do!' She tilted her head and put a finger on Joey's nose. 'So, you do me a favor here?' Jen smirked and as Joey nodded she said. 'You sort it out quickly.'

'Yaeh, I will. Thanks Jen. Thank you, for being such an awesome friend.' She mumbled and drifting slowly to sleep. Jen smiled, shifted herself somewhat and fell asleep beside her, but not before making a note in her mind to call Doug first thing in the morning, to let him know about Pacey.

* * *

'I am such an screwed up, damned, gross, awful idiot Audrey.' Pacey didn't even look up, as a shadow fell over him, sat by his side at the bar and laid a hand on his shoulder. It felt as if she would take some of his burden off his shoulders. She was such an amazing friend and somehow she always managed to be right where he needed her. He downed his tequila and motioned Daniel, the bartender, for another one, which he get instantly. 'Just leave the bottle.' Pacey grabbed his wrist as he gazed at him with a look. 'That bad, Witter?' Pacey shook his head heavily. 'Worse! Much, much worse.' Daniel nodded. 'Here you go.' He patted Pacey's shoulder, left the bottle along with a small bowl of limes, salt and a second glass for Audrey. Pacey poured each of them a glass full and the downed it together.

'Wanna share?' Audrey asked after a few more shots. Pacey shook his head and than let it fall on the bar, wrapped his arms over it. 'What's there to say, anyway, Aud? I've – _totally_ – screwed up. I messed with the mess. I made the worse even worse.' He paused, hated the sting of tears in his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to gain some control over his emotions. 'Audrey. I just don't know what to do, what to say...' Suddenly his head came up and he fixed her with his gaze. 'Why had you to bring her here in the first place?'

'Oh no, Pacey, don't you dare bring me in the line of fire here. Right, I gave the initiative chance, but what you make of it is none of my business. I only brought the hill to the prophet, because the prophet refused to went to the hill.' She placed one of her slender hands onto his. 'Let's leave the alcohol here and go talk somewhere less public?'

He nodded and they stood. Pacey placed some note's on the bar, put an arm around her shoulder and left with Audrey, heading towards the deck.

* * *

The day went by slowly and as Joey and Jen finally sat at diner, Joey somewhat hoped to not see Pacey there. She not so much as pushed her food from one end of her plate to the other. Jen looked at her suspiciously. 'I have to get out of here, Jen. Just enjoy your menu. I just need some air and some space to think things through. I meet you later.' She gave Jen a loop sided smile and a little kiss on the cheek. 'You aren't peeved now, are you?'

'No, of course I'm not Jo. Just take your time. I will maybe take the chance and go to bed _really_ early.' She smiled soft, hugged her friend tenderly and watching her leave she caught Audrey's eyes who was serving, and gave her a wink and a smile which she returned before she slipped into the kitchen at an unnoticed moment. Jen sat back and watched all the couples dance, after they'd finished their food and she smiled, absolutely certain that Joey and Pacey would work things out for the better of all of them.

Joey sat outside on the deck, long after the sun had set and the stars covered the heaven above. She felt chilly in her short summer dress as the wind got colder in the night, but she just didn't want to go inside. She wrapped her arms around her chest and rubbed her hands on them, to get some warmth. Joey couldn't help but think back to the awesome three summermonth before senior year. It has been magical. Ans suddenly she understood, why Pacey hadn't want it to be over. She sighed deeply and her heart ached with longing to be back on that boat again, floating carefree throug the waters in the arms of the one man she loved with all her being.

Pacey stood in the shadow for quite some time. He had changed after he finished his shift and was looking at her. Slowly he approached.

'You're not liking me so much right now, are you?' He asked with a hoarse voice, looking at her slender silhouette.

'Not so much, no.' She shook her head and turned it, so she could see him.

'You're not going to make that easy for me, now are you?' His voice was quiet, his hands kneaded at each other.

She didn't say anything, but shifted, so he could sat beside her. His body almost unnoticed grazed hers and both of them were forced to held their breath by the sensation. Joey gasped and closed her eyes and Pacey chuckled quietly. Somewhat pleased, that she wasn't as unreachable as he'd feared. Her reaction gave him courage to go on.

'So, where do I start?'

'Whereever you want.' She shrugged but looked at him with her large sad eyes.

'Okay, so...' He took a deep breath. 'After our... encounter... last night, I talked to a friend. And she said, it wouldn't be such a bad idea to discuss things with you.' He looked her in the eyes and he knew, if he would get that second chance, he would happily take it, because in that instant he fell deeper in love with her than he had before. He fell all over again with butterflies and stomach-somersaults, head swimming and all. Pacey licked his lips and tried to calm his body. 'Remember back at high school, when I said, that all I could do, was just wait for you to realize that I was just going to be a great disappointment?' He shrugged and she frowned. 'Well, here we are.'

She didn't say anything, just took his hand and held it. He let out a light laugh, couldn't quite believe what was happening he squeezed her hand soft, wanting to never let go of it again Pacey looked between their entwined hands to her and back and then his eyes met her teared up beautiful ones, surprised to find undiscovered affection and love in them.

'Just tell me, Pacey, please tell me why.' She somehow managed to say, her voice heavy with tears and choked by the lump in her throat. She shivered from the chilly wind and the cold inside, that only he could warm. 'Because I missed you so, so much.' There she said it out loud and his eyes filled with tears equally. He didn't hold himself back any longer, for in that instant he was certain, that she wouldn't push him away, she wouldn't reject him and if he was totally honest with her, she would let him in again. He let go of her hand and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her body against his and she returned the embrace. He buried his face in her hair and let his tears run free. 'Oh god, Jo. I've missed you too.' He whispered against her head. 'I have missed you like hell.' He kissed her head and she just tightened her arms around his muscular chest.

She sobbed. 'But why... why didn't you just come back to me?', her voice a mere whisper.

He pulled her onto his lap and somehow managed to wrap his coat around her shoulders, without breaking the embrace. She rested her head against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. Suddenly feeling warm again and it was not due to the coat.

'Because I was afraid that you just wouldn't have me back, Jo.' He answered honestly, his voice quiet.

'And why'd you left me in the first place?' She asked and catching his eyes with hers, holding them there, because that was the question she had asked herself everyday since he left.

'Because I couldn't stand to be near you. Near anybody to be precise. But you...' He sighed and he knew, this would be the hard part. 'You just reminded me every moment of Dawson, of the pain I had brought over his parents and about Jack and the pain Doug suffered because of me...'

'But this wasn't your fault, Pace.' She looked at him seriously, cupping his cheek with one hand whilst snuggling in his coat, taking in his smell. Her heart flooded over with love and affection for him, but she needed him to answer her questions.

'Well... if I hadn't taken them on that goddamned trip.' Anger flickered in the depth of his eyes, but she saw also desperation and his voice war croaky as he said: 'If there hadn't been a wedding – if we had not fallen in love in the first place...' He fell silent and something in Joey's head clicked and her heart broke all over again.

'So...' She swallowed and looked at him in pure disbelieve and her eyes gave away her pain. 'So you couldn't stand to be near me, because you blamed me in some twisted way for the fact that I loved you so much I wanted to be your wife?' She waged her head and stood, holding his coat on her shoulder, as if it would shelter her from the sudden pain. 'You couldn't touch me, kiss me, hear my voice, be simply beside me, because you blamed me for loving you and yourself for loving me back?'

He nodded. 'Quintessentially, yes Joey.' He swallowed and stood likewise. Not wanting to loose, what he felt they were able to achieve once again. 'But it doesn't mean that I didn't love you, I did...' His voice fell quiet. 'I do.' He lowered his eyes to the ground.

Her anger and her anxiousness fell of off her and she looked at him. She saw his struggle in the way his body seemed to almost break under the load of guilt he was carrying. She couldn't help but laugh with relieve. 'Please don't laugh at me Joey, because this sure as hell doesn't feel like laughing.'

She stepped towards him and slowly she placed her hand tenderly under his chin and lifted his face so he was forced to look at her.

'You do?' She asked, with a mix of childish curiousness and uncertain cheer in her voice.

'I do what?' He asked, nervously shifting from one foot to the other, not sure if he rather run or just pull her in for a long overdue kiss.

'You do... still... love me...?' Her voice was low, almost as though she was afraid to much noise would scare him away.

'Of course I do, Joey.' He smiled uncertain with a low gasp. 'I've never, not even for an instant stopped loving you...' His voice was soft and so full of sincerety.

She smiled at him. 'Me neither.' She whispered and as she held her face up to his as he gently laid his arms around her and caressed her cheek with his one hand. He could get lost in her beautiful eyes. His stomach clenched and his whole body seemed to scream for her. His breath came as fast as hers and he felt all dizzy.

'Jo?' He managed to breath her name somehow, his eyes stuck on her beautiful lips.

'Yeah, Pacey?' She seemed as breathless as he himself. He could feel her shiver in his arms and was pretty sure, it was nothing to do with the slightly chilly wind, for he shivered too and he felt pretty warm.

'Would you mind, if I...' He looked in her eyes and it almost blew his mind. He struggled for some breath, as he finally managed to whisper: '...kissed you?' He ached for her, craved for her, wanted nothing more than his lips on hers.

'I would mind if you don't.' She answered with a smile, breathless her eyes switched from Pacey's lips to his eyes and than back to his lips again.

'You sure?' He breathed, his heart beating like crazy, his knees gone jelly and the butterflies in his stomach almost driving him crazy. 'Because, I may not be able to stop, once I started...'

'Please, Pace...' She breathed. 'Please.'

His breath came fast as he lowered his face to hers and finally their lips met.

Joey gasped and clung on him, he moaned at the sensation of finally having her in his arms again and the world started to swirl around them, leaving nothing but the two of them in the middle of it. Carefully he opened his lips, cautiously trying to deepen the kiss. He was surprised by how willingly she let him in and as his tongue mingled with hers, both of them escaped a groan and Pacey pulled her even closer into his arms and onto his chest, his body responded instantly to her nearness.

'Oh god Joey, I'll never let go of you again.' He whispered, as they broke the kiss, looking her deep in the eyes, carefully tracing the lines of her cheekbone.

'I so hope you don't Pacey, because... I am pretty sure, I can't bear it again.' She placed a small kiss on his lips. 'Please, can we stay here a while longer? I don't want to leave your arms just jet.' She mumbled to his chest.

'Oh, my sweet Jo.' He chuckled and couldn't help but smile into her hair as he held her dear. 'We can stay here all night if this is what you need.'

'Thank you Pace.' She whispered and closed her eyes, just enjoying his so long missed nearness. 'Just don't ever let go of me again and I'll be the happiest woman on that ship.'

'I think I can manage that..' He chuckled again and couldn't quite believe, that she was really there in his arms again.

'Pacey?' She asked after a long while of silence.

'Yeah Jo?'

'Is there a chance, you left me some of that lasange of yours? I hadn't had anything to eat tonight...' Pacey grined and pushed her slightly away from him, to look into her eyes. 'But it was delicuos, Jo.' She shrugged. 'Maybe it was, but I lacked appetite.'

He nodded and laid an arm around her shoulder. 'So, come than. I put it in the freezer. I'll warm it for us but under one condition.' She raised her eyebrow. 'This time you'll actually stay for diner.'

'Deal.' She smiled and laid her arm around his waist, rested her head onto his shoulder and let him lead her through the ship.

**Leave me a note. Liked it?**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey guys,**

**I've made it. Here's your weekend-lecture. There will be an epilouge after this Chapter somewhere around the begining of next week, and than we're done. I hope you enjoy that chapter, please let me know, what your opinion is.**  
**Thanks to my reviewers - you're the best! Please keep me going! Oh, and to Erica 3 Angels: You'll find, I had pretty much the same things in mind as you :-)**

**Enjoy! Yana**

**Chapter 11**

**Out of reach**

Sometime later they stood in his kitchen. The oven warmed the lasagne and Joey rested her back against the plate, while Pacey cut vegetables for the salad.

'So, tell me about her.' She tilted her head and looked at him curious.

He paused at cutting and looked at her, caught off guard. 'About whom?'

'This girl friend of yours.' She looked at him, his face unreadable.

Pacey almost choked on a sweet pepper he'd just popped into his mouth and swallowed in surprise. 'Wh-what girlfriend?'

She grinned impishly. 'That girl – friend.' Taking a pepper herself, she began nibbling on it. 'The one that send you to talk with me.'

'Oh...' He let out a relieved breath. 'Audrey.' A soft, warm jet thoughtful smile relaxed his face and she couldn't help the jealousy bubbling up in her. 'She is a really good friend. Much like Jen.' He answered good-mooded as he mixed the dressing.

'So, pray, how _good_ a friend has she been to you, whilst I wasn't around?'

'Joey.' He felt the tension go up as he caught the slightly jealous tone in her voice. And so he placed the mixed-up dressing on the plate and stepped in front of her, taking both of her hands in his, intertwined their fingers and looked her in the eyes as deep as possible. 'You wanna know?', his voice trembled and became husky, because his whole body longed so much to be near her, to claim her as his once more and her eyes just took his breath away.

She nodded, but wasn't so sure anymore. She knew, it would be the end of this precious beginning, if he'd cheated on her.

'Okay.' He nodded. 'So, we were drunk and I kissed her and, well...'

'Okay, so maybe, I don't wanna know exactly _how_ good a friend she was to you.' She swallowed and looked away. 'Maybe I should just leave you to it.'

His stomach clenched and a deadly fear took hold of his heart. 'No, Jo... Please.' He tightened his grip on her hands, didn't want to loose her about _that_ and was oh so relieved, that he had remained true to her. He waged his head and forced her softly to look at him again, as she lowered her eyes to the ground. 'Sweet Jo.' He smiled a warm smile and she knew it was just for her. His misty blue eyes locked with her's, as he seriously kept talking. 'I called her by your name, even before anything more than that kiss happened.'

'You... you what?' She widened her eyes in pure disbelieve and then she laughed as the tension fell off her.

He grinned and felt a warm wave flood through his body at her laugh. 'Precisly, I said something like _God Joey, I've missed you like hell._ And somehow that was the end of our little encounter.' He grinned impishly, knowing she wasn't mad and she burst into laughter once more. 'I can imagine that.' She placed her head onto his forehead. 'So tell me, what kind of friend is she?'

'She knows pretty much anything there is to know about you and me and all my insecurity. She wanted to throw me aboard more than a thousand times, just to get me to you. And as stubborn as I am, well...' He breathed. 'She obviously managed to somehow lure _you_ back into my arms again.' His gaze deepened and ached of gracefulness for such a good friend and the best woman in the world in his arms. Pacey's voice was low. 'So I would say – she's exactly the kind of a friend I was in need of, Jo. And I hope you don't mind it.'

'No' Joey shook her head. 'Not if she's the reason, that we actually get that second chance.' There was a long silence, as they only got lost in each others eyes. Than – slowly – her words sank in.

'Wait, wait Joey, you lost me there.' He felt himself breathless again, just starring at her. 'Did you just... Oh, crap!' He cursed as he smelled slightly burning smell. He shushed Joey from a front the oven and put a half burnt lasagne out of it. Joey laughed, because the last time, anything he'd cooked had actually burnt was about a lifetime ago.

'This looks pretty much like the one, Doug cooked for Christmas.' She grinned, as he bustled through the kitchen, trying to save, what couldn't be saved at all.

'God Joey, I'm so sorry.' He held his arms in the air and had a desperate look on his face.

'Did I distract you?' She smirked.

'No!' He said, and at the playful but slightly disappointed look on Joey face he waged his head. 'Well yes! God, yes you distract me, always have...' He turned and cursed some more. 'See, I forgot the timer...'

Joey stepped beside him and shrugged. 'So, what about it? I ate something like that the whole last year. Well, I see two options here...' She bit her lower lip, picked a fork and picked with it into the hot lasagne, full well knowing that was one of the things Pacey just couldn't stand. She could tell by the look at his face, that he was about to say something about it, but he swallowed it as he watched her close her eyes in absolute pleasure, chewing with such satisfaction that he felt suddenly all dizzy and hot again, and as she licked her lips after swallowing, he almost lost it. 'God Joey, you're so beautiful.' He said, almost breathless.

'Charmer...' She gave him a dismissive wave and he chuckled, thankful for the somewhat light playfulness that had returned unnoticed.

Joey took another mouthful and again she closed her eyes. 'Oh my god, this is delicious...', she sighed.

'It's _burnt_, Joey! Not delicious...' He looked at her, half amused, half appelled.

She swallowed. 'Okay, so – as I said, two options. Option one, we eat this enormously delicate lasagne, because it it quite the best I've had in over a year.' She didn't fail to point a finger at him. 'You can left the burnt cheese for me, I don't mind.' She grinned and picked again in the bowl. 'Option number two is, we eat salad.' He nodded and she waged her head. 'Maybe, there is a three.' She smirked. 'You eat the salad, just left the lasagne for me...'

He grinned. 'Fine by me.' He smirked somewhat, not sure if could dare to push it but decided that she would be able to deal with it. 'If you have that look on your face the whole time you eat my food, I will gratefully leave all the lasagne for you.'

She smirked. 'I knew it!' He raised an eyebrow questioning. 'You', she again pointed at him with the fork, she held all the while, picking some more lasagne on it. 'you lurked me only here, so you can satisfy your needs.'

'As far as I remember, you came willingly, frauline.' He laughed and poured them each a glass of wine. He handed her one and offered her his glass for a jolt.

'To a wonderful evening.' He whispered and she looked him in the eyes. 'To a new beginning.' She said smiling and clinked her glass to his.

He stood beside her, all nervous he picked up a fork himself and began to eat out of the bowl. She grinned at him, as she sipped on her wine, oblivious to his strain. 'This is absolutely delicious, Witter.'

'Well thanks, but let me assure you, this isn't my masterpiece...' he said, as he put aside the burnt cheese with some disgust in his gaze. And than suddenly he fell all serious again. 'Jo?'

'Yes Pacey?' She placed the glass on the plate and looking at him suspiciously.

'What did you mean by that?' His voice gave away his nervousness.

'By what?' She gave him a look out of her large, wide eyes.

'Damn it, Potter!' His voice was more forceful than he'd wanted it to be. 'For a smart girl, you pretty obtuse sometimes.'

'So you've told me.' She smirked. 'So, get to it, Pacey. What did I mean by what? Your lasagne _really_ is...'

'Hell! Forget about that pretty bad damned lasagne for just a moment, Joey, will you.' He was frustrated, that she played with him and nervous like hell and he almost throw his fork flying into the bowl.

Joey wrinkled her forehead. 'You lost me here, Pacey...'

'God damn it, Joey.' He put his hands into his hair and tried to calm down. As he looked into her face again, he found her puzzled. 'You said... You said, that Audrey were the reason we...' He swallowed and stepped ahead of her, taking her hands in his. 'That we get a second chance?', the look in his eyes was all unsure and fragile and vulnerable. She looked at him expectantly. 'Would you? Would you give me a second chance, Joey?' He asked with a croaky, rough voice. 'Because, if you do, there's absolutely no question I won't screw it this time, Jo, I just won't.'

She tried a smile. 'I would.' She trembled and took a deep breath. 'But I am so scared, Pacey.' Joey broke the eye contact and looked on the ground instead.

'About?' He asked, merely able to speak at all.

'About loosing you all over again. I couldn't stand that Pacey, I know I just couldn't. It was hard enough this time so, please...' She looked into his eyes and nearly got lost in them. She got dizzy and her head swam, the urge to kiss him again, was overwhelming. 'Please Pacey. Give me some time and whilst you do so', she bit her lower lip and it almost was the death of him. 'Whilst you do so, would you mind to kiss me again?' He chuckled and smirked as he lowered his lips to hers. 'Nothing I would rather do.' He breathed, before sealing her lips with his.

Later they sat talking on his sofa, drank wine, laugh and enjoying the togetherness and the chance to get to know each other once more. She was cuddled up under a warm blanket on one end of the sofa, her legs on his lap.

Joey filled Pacey in some of the things he missed. Told him, that Jen and Doug were there and almost slept over everyday. That Doug would come looking after her daily and that somewhere on the way, the two of them had found, that there was more than friendly affection for one another. In fact, there was love, deep, sincere love and though they let things move on slowly. 'She calls him Dougy-Pie.' Joey grinned and Pacey almost choked his wine, than he laughed out loud and shook his head. 'That one will be with him for forever.'

'Yeah!' She grinned. 'I thought you would say that...'

'So, seriously. Pacey, your father is all worse.' She changed the subject, because she knew, it had to be said one way or the other. 'I know, how things are between you and your father, but please Pacey, you have to see him one last time!'

'That bad?'

'Yes' She nodded.

'So, I'll call Dougy-Pie first thing in the morning.' She smiled at him 'Good!'

Slowly she shifted. 'Mind if I snuggle up some more?'

He chuckled in that adorable Pacey-way and lifted an arm. 'I've hoped for you to ask' He smiled. 'Come 'ere sweet Jo.' She snuggled up into his arm and a sigh of relieve escaped her. 'I've missed you so much, Joey.' He whispered as he felt the butterflies again and planted a small kiss on her head. She closed her eyes, as he softly placed one hand on her stomach and one played with her hair. 'Not as much, as I've missed you, Pace.'

After a long while she took a deep breath. 'I have to go. I need some sleep and so do you.' She shifted and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. He cupped her face with one of his hands, drank her in.

'Are you still there in the morning, Joey?', he asked with a shaky voice. She smiled loop-sided. 'I will, if you are.'

'I'll definitely be there. I promise I won't go anywhere.' He placed a soft kiss on her lips. 'See you for breakfast?'

Her smile grew wider. 'What about Jen and that adorable Audrey of yours join us?'

'I'd rather had some alone-time with you, Joey.' She nodded and lean her forehead onto his. 'I know, but we can't abandon them, just because we're selfish. Besides – without them, we wouldn't be where we are right now. Now would we?'

He placed another kiss on her lips and than one more and another and than he wrapped his arms around her as they deepened the kiss. They moaned into each others mouth's and Joey could feel Pacey's hard-on on her leg and her own desire grow very much unbearable. 'God, Pacey, we have to stop this.' She groaned as his hands caressed her naked legs under her dress.

'Why?' His own grown made her head swim. She wanted him so much. Wanted him to fill her again, to show her his love and to finally feel whole again.

'Because we have to.' She said and struggled to free herself from his arms.

'Okay, maybe you're right.' He tried to calm his breath and she sorted out her hair and dress. As she smiled at him. To Pacey it felt like the first spring-day after a long dark winter. 'See you tomorrow, Pacey.' She kissed him innocently on his cheek. 'Good night.'

'Good night, sweet Jo.' He smiled as the door fell shut behind her.

* * *

Joey danced more than she went on her way back to her apartment. Quickly she changed and brushed her teeth, before she snuggled under her blanked. As she closed her eyes, she saw his face and for the first time in a long time, it conjured a smile on her face instead of tears as she fell asleep.

* * *

'Morning Jo' Jen yawned, as she came into the small kitchen, where Joey sat, already dressed. She took the mug with hot, fresh coffee from Joey's hand. 'How come, you're dressed already? Where is my adorable bad-mooded-not-a-morning-person and what have you done to her?' Jen sipped at her coffee and slowy raised her head to actually look at Joey, who sat there, all sunny and with a wide smile on her face, that wasen'T there for far too long.

'Oh...oh...' Jen managed and smiled cautiously. 'You and Pacey... you're better?'

'All better, in fact, we meet him and this mysterious Audrey of him in about half an hour for breakfast, so I'd suggest you get dressed as well.'

Jen nodded stunned and shot Joey an unbelieving look. 'You serious?'

'Yep, all serious, Jen.'

'Ooooookay. I'm off to bath then.' She put the empty mug on the table. 'But please promise me, you won't be so awful sunny all mornings, that's disgusting.'

Joey laughed. 'I'll try, my dear Jen.'

'Okay... I think I'm relieved.' She shot Joey one last sceptical look and went to the bathroom. Jen was halfway gone, as a knock on the door caused her to stop and turn her head over her shoulder to look at Joey once more. She only shrugged. 'Don't have a clue. You go to the bath, I'll get the door.'

As the bathroom-door closed, Joey danced to the door and opened it. 'Pacey?' She smiled at his sight. He had a beautiful woman on his side, who had an equally wide smile on her face. His heart instantly began to beat faster as he looked at her. 'Morning Jo...' He smiled and the smile on the woman's face even grew wider as she watched him look at Joey in awe. This was, what she had done it for and she knew, he wouldn't let this chance pass.

'We brought breakfast.' She smiled, as Joey and Pacey were still lost in each others eyes. 'I'm Audrey by the way.' She offered Joey her hand. 'Nice to meet you, Audrey. I guess I have to thank you for taking care of Pacey...' Joey said, slightly nervous took the other womans hand. 'I'm Joey, but I guess you know that already.' Audrey nodded 'Yes, I could have guessed.'

Pacey stepped forward, awkwardly, not enteirly sure, if what had happened and was said the night before still stood. As Joey opened her arms to him, he let out a breath of relieve and wrapped his arms around her, holding her, took in her smell, her everything. 'God Joey, I've missed you yo much.' She shifted in his arms, so she could look at him. 'It's only been a few hours at the most.'

'Yeah, it's been a torture.' His eyes flickered to her lips and as she closed her eyes he kissed her and she sighed into his mouth, as his kiss sent electrical jolts all over her body and straight between her legs. Her heart beating like crazy and she knew, that she couldn't resist him much longer.

As they finally broke the kiss, Audrey sat talking with Jen on the kitchen table. Joey blushed slightly and took Pacey's hand and he held it, grateful that she did so without hesitation.

'Morning Pacey.' Jen waved from the kitchen. 'Would you mind close the door and bring in the bag and the rest of the breakfast you brought?'

Pacey smiled and picked up the bag, that stood between his feet. 'For you always Lindley.'

They shared a light-hearted breakfast with much of laughter and the tension Joey had felt for Audrey had fast evaporated. Before Joey and Jen had to go to the shop, they made plans for the evening after Pacey's and Audrey's shift.

As they were gone, Pacey and Audrey cleaned up the kitchen and Audrey looked smiling to Pacey, who was all lost in his thoughts. 'She is really, really awesome Pacey.' He smiled likewise and nodded. 'Yeah she is, isn't she...' He looked at Audrey and gave her a long hug. 'Thank you. Thank you so, so much.' She was surprised by the sting of tears she suddenly felt. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as she suddenly felt cold and lonely, something that was not with her since the beginning of her friendship with Pacey. 'You are very welcome, Pacey.'

He felt her sudden change of mood. 'Hey girly... Hey, what is it?' His voice was soft, as he softly pushed her away and saw the tears shone in her eyes. 'It's...  
She sniffed. 'It's nothing, I... I think I just realized, that you eventually leave with her and...' She blinked the tears away. 'It had some kind of impact.'

He smiled and hugged her again. Than he sat on the kitchen table and looked at her, this dear and true friend of his. 'You know what?' He shrugged and she looked at him and waged her head. 'Why don't you just come along? I would like to have you around and so would Jen.' He grinned. 'And I'm pretty sure, Joey wouldn't mind either.'

'Yeah sure, Witter.' She laughed bitterly. 'And what I am supposed to work?'

'I own a restaurant, Aud', he laughed. 'I'm pretty sure, we could need one more waitress...'

'You would employ me?'

'Sure, Audrey.' He shrugged easily. 'Why not? You gave me back my life, I sure can give you the opportunity of a job and a new beginning in a new home... That is, if you want to.' He smiled and she smiled too. 'I would love that.'

**One more to go until the end. Love it? Hate it ? Please leave a short review, it means so much.**


	13. Epilogue

**Hey guy's,**

**here we go. This is the epilogue. I hope you'd enjoyed it, as much as I did. THank's to all my reviewers. I love you! Every single review meant a lot . So thanks again.**

**There are plenty of ideas in my head. So if you want me to, I would love to write more Joey &amp; Pacey stuff :-)**

**What's left to say - enjoy!**

**Your's, Yana**

Out of reach - Epilogue

They became a cheery group really fast. Spending almost every free time together, most of the time all together, sometimes Audrey and Jen would meet and let Pacey and Joey share some alone time. The two of them grew close again very fast and in the blink of an eye it was, as if Pacey had never left her side.

She fast became familiar to the kitchen staff and as one day she asked, if she could get 80 blown eggs to paint them with the kids on board for easter, there first were stunned looks, but on the morning she got them and avoided for once the scrambled eggs with bacon but merely grinned at Jen, who ate plenty of them until Audrey came with a grin and whispered something in Jen's ear, resulting in Jen pushing the plate away and grabbing one of Joey's French toasts.

Three weeks after that, Joey, Jen and Audrey sat in the restaurant, enjoying their diner, as suddenly Pacey, who was on duty, appeared. Joey looked at him and half expected him to kiss her but he bowed and offered her his hand. She looked at him. 'Would you dance with me, Jo?' She chuckled. 'Now?'

He nodded serious.

'But you... you're working...'

But Pacey just looked into her eyes very deeply. 'Yes, Joey.' His voice was soft and slightly rough and it send shivers down her spine. 'Would you, please?'

Audrey looked at Jen surprised. 'I thought he didn't dance...?'

But Jen only shrugged and grinned. Seeing Joey and Pacey together as one again made her warm inside. She was so happy for them and so grateful for Audrey, whom made this real. 'He'd only ever danced with Joey.', she almost whispered, looking at her two friends. 'And thanks to you, they can do it again. They just perfect together, Aud. Just perfect.' She looked to her new friend and smiled.

Pacey looked deep into Joey eyes. 'Please.'

She smiled a huge smile. 'I'd love to, Pacey.' Slowly she stood and he led her to the dance floor.

Careful he took her in his arm and she rested her head on his shoulder, as he slowly began to move in slow motions. Her head swam once more, as he held her tight. 'I missed this, Pacey.' She whispered onto his chest. 'In fact I missed all of you'But you... you're working...'From dusk till dawn and all through the night.'

'I know.' He responded with a ruogh voice. 'I did too.'

'Please don't ever leave me again, Pacey...' She paused and looked into his eyes. 'Promise.' Her heart almost burst with the plea and the desperate need to know for sure, that he would stay.

With the most serious, deeply loving eyes he looked into hers. 'I'll never ever leave you again, if you'll give me that second chance we were talking about the other day.'

She smiled loopsided and bit her lower lip, making him shiver. 'You already have it. In fact there was never a chance, you wouldn't get it.'

He let out a breath of relieve and cupped her face with his hands and kissed her passionate and loving. The music was long gone to their ears as were the people around them. As they broke the kiss Joey tried to catch her breath. 'One more thing, Pace.' She said breathy as she caressed his face.

'What's that sweet Jo?'

'You forgot something...' He looked at her puzzled, as she loosened her necklace and his eyes widened in surprise as he saw what clung on it. 'Your ring.' She loosened it and placed it in her palm, offering it to him.

His jaw almost dropped and his face mirrored his utter surprise, mingled with undiscribingly, heartfelt joy bubbling up into him, made him want to jump and scream out. This unbelievable woman offered him her heart once more. 'Are you serious?' His heart beat fast, he felt all dizzy again. Pacey's eyes shone with tears.

'I've never meant anything more serious than this.' She smiled shyly. 'This is, if you still want me.'

'Oh my god, Jo...' He he whispered in awe touched the ring in her hand as if he couldn't quite believe it to be real. As he blinked, the tears in his eyes ran over his cheeks, but he couldn't care less.

'Don't feel pushed, Pacey, I can wait... I didn't meant to...', she rushed the words, trying to hide her fear and anxiousness.

He just shook his head and swallowed. 'This is just more than unexpected, Jo. I...' He looked into her eyes again. 'I guess, I thought you would never offer me your heart in this way ever again.' He felt more tears in his eyes. Slowly he offered her his left hand. 'Would you...?' She smiled the most happy smile in the world, her whole face lit up, her eyes shone as she watched the man whom she loved with all her being cry out of utter disbelieve and joy, for he hadn't expected her to want to be his wife anymore. She slowly put the ring over his finger and he pulled her into a passionate kiss, one hand in her hair and one on her waist, her arms around his neck. No words needed. He held her tightly and just never wanted to let her go again.

Suddenly they became aware off the raised cheering around them and as they looked around, they stood in the middle of the dance floor and most of the crowd was standing around them, applauding and laughing and whistling on them.

Joey blushed bright red and Pacey grinned slightly abash and than bowed.

* * *

Later this evening Pacey approached Joey, who was sitting clad in a plain black bikini with her feet in the pool. He looked at her in awe and touched the ring on his finger for what felt like the millionth time since she put it on again. He watched her laughing at Jen and Audrey who were sitting beside her, making jokes and sipping on cocktails. He crouched down behind her, her slender body between his legs.

'Hey gorgeous girl.' He whispered in her ear and his lips lingered a while there, as he felt her skin getting goosepimples as he breathed softly against her ear. 'I've missed you.' His voice was croaky and she felt all kinds of chills and shivers jolt through her body, setting her on fire. She lent backward, and turned her head, so she could see in his face, she smirked up to him, as he planted a soft kiss on her nose. 'You're ridiculous.'

'Me?' He pointed on himself. 'Really, Potter? You hurting me...' He said playfully and she was just so glad, that somehow the old Pacey had returned.

'But not on purpose, but there's something else I'll do on purpose...' Her eyes shone and he shook his head. 'You wouldn't dare' She laughed. 'Like hell, I would.' She pulled on his arms and before he had a chance to balance his body onto more stability, she had managed to somehow pull him into the refreshing water of the pool, diving down with him and kissing him passionately under water. His wide hawaiian shirt floating around them, his shorts flowing around his legs, his flipflops sinking to the ground. Pacey's tongue mingled with hers, as her hair flows over his face and he couldn't remember if he ever had felt such unbroken joy and passionate need. They breathed deep, as they finally broke through the surface. He stroke her wet hair from her face and looked into her beautiful eyes. 'God Jo, I love you so, _so_ much...' His eyes caressed her every being, he cherished her and once more found it unbelievable, that a woman like that could fall for a man like him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he struggled to keep them over the water. His hard on pressed between her legs as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She looked beautiful in the twilight, waterdrops all over her face and her eyes wide and dark with the same unbearable desire he felt. He draw her in for just another hot kiss, his hands literally everywhere on her body, his body on fire, and he couldn't quite believe, that she had given him the grace of a second chance.

Jen and Audrey sat on the rim of the pool, seemingly wide amused with the good view. 'You're right.' Audrey stated out of nowhere.

'With what?' Jen looked at her friend puzzled.

'They really are perfect together.'

'I know...' Jen sighed and sipped on her cocktail. 'Is it wrong, that I somtimed really am envious about what they have? How he worships the ground on which she walks? How he lookes at her? The way he catches her eyes and smiles at her through a crowded room?'

'No, it isn't wrong, Jen. I think, it's pretty human.' She laughed and Jen joined her.

Suddenly Pacey broke the kiss, as he remembered what he came here for. 'Oh, Jo... I have to talk to you. This is very important.' His eyes shiny and joyful only seconds earlier suddenly clouded over with what seems like serious concern.

'What is it?' She looked at him, mirroring his concern. She untangled herself from him. 'You... you won't break up with me, now would you?' She couldn't help, but ask, because that was the only real fear she couldn't control. 'Please don't leave me again, Pacey.' She her voice was broken as she shook her head and Pacey could almost feel her scare.

'No Jo...' He draw her into his arms again, peppered her face with butterfly kisses and hugged her tight. 'no no no no no no no. I won't.' He swam to the rim and got out of the water and instantly shivered. He held out a hand for Joey as well and she got also instantly cold as a cold breeze stroke her. 'God, this is freezing...'

'Yup.' He smiled at her. 'What about a warm shower at mine and than I tell you, what I wanted to tell you.'

'Sure.' She looked at Jen questioning but she only gave them a dismissive wave. 'I'm good.'

'You're the best!' Joey bowed down and kissed her on the cheek. 'I can not thank you enough for all you do for me.' She smiled and stood and than she offered Pacey her hand and they ran into the ship.

* * *

'So tell me.' Joey sat on the couch, a satisfied look on her face, snuggled up in Pacey's arm and she felt all happy and comfy and finally at home. The mug of hot tea possesingly cupped with both hands, wearing one of Paceys far too big sweaters. 'What was it, that you wanted to tell me all night long?' Pacey sat behind her, an equally expression on his face.

'Well, it maybe will mess with the mood, but we have to talk eventually.' His heart dropped as she shifted out of his arms.

'Now you scare me again...' She turned to look at him, leaning her back on the other side of the sofa, pulling her legs against her chest, as if it could give her some shelter. She looked a long time at Pacey, who seemed to not quite got the words to tell her, what was on his mind. 'Just tell me, Pace. I won't go anywhere, if you don't.'

He took a deep breath. 'I kinda have, Joey...' She swallowed and prepared herself for whatever Pacey had to say. She forced herself to stay calm. He promised her, he wouldn't leave her, so she tried to trust on that. His eyes shortly held her's and than dropped to the floor. 'Doug called me, I.. I have to go home, to bid my father goodbye Joey.' She couldn't help, but let out a breath of relieve. Joey placed her mug on the table and laid a hand on his cheek. 'Want me to come with you, love?' He leant into her hand, but at length he shook his head. 'No, Jo.' His voice was croaky. 'This is something I have to do alone.'

She took his hand and caressed it with her fingertips. 'Promise me something?' She whipered, raising her eyes from his hand to his eyes.

'Anything, Jo...' He answered without missing a beat, in a deep, sensual voice.

'Please come back to me.' He saw tears shimmer in her large beautiful eyes and she hates herself for them, but just couldn't help it. 'Don't take the chance to run again. Please, Pacey.'

He kissed her and pulled her into a warm embrace. 'Jo, I'm not going to leave you. I will take the next opportunity to fly home and than I'll come back to you in a heartbeat and marry you.'

'You what?' She half laughed through her tears.

'I'll come back and I'll marry you, Joey.' He chuckled. 'I mean. You can't give me that ring of mine back. Present me with you heart again, Jo, and expecting me not to take the next possible chance to make you my wife. In fact I would marry you tonight, just to be sure, you'll be still here when I come back.' He rushed the words, as if afraid that she had somehow made up her mind. But than he suddenly hesitated. 'This it, if you still want me to.'

She smiled and for the lack of an answer she deepened the kiss and her hands wondered under his shirt. She kissed his face and his neck. His breath came short and his grip on her back tightened. 'Jo...' She ripped him free of his shirt and enjoyed the hard on she felt pressing on her leg. 'Yes?' She murmered smiling, as she kissed her path over his chest, finally tasting him once again. Her desire unbearable. 'Are you sure, you want to do this?' He moaned and forced her back to his face, so he could look into her eyes. Overwhelmed by the passionate blush on her cheeks and her almost black, desire filled eyes. 'Am I sure?' She laughed, suddenly feeling like the sixteen year old teenage gilr, who lost her virginity to this exact man one day along the most memorable summer on board a very particular sail boat. 'I wanted to do this, since you first kissed me on that goddamned deck weeks ago, Pacey.' She looked into his almost black eyes and he felt as if he could come just by looking at her passion filled expression. ' I crave for you, my whole body yearns for your touch.' She licked her lips and he groaned again. 'So, yes. I want you to claim me as yours again Pacey. Please don't reject me now.'

'How could I?' His eyes were as dark as hers and he pulled her into another passionate kiss, somehow they struggled free of the remaining clothes and finally she was on top of him one leg on either sine of his body, he lay across the couch. His eyes fixed on her slender, perfect body. As she slowly sank on his hot, hard on, eyes closed and his name on her lips like a lament as he moaned and gripped her waist to hold her right there. 'Oh god Joey... Oh my god, please hang on a sec, don't dare moving.' He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down a bit, unable to look at her, because it would crush him over in mereseconds. After a little while he took a deep breath and looked at her again. 'I missed you so, so much...' She growled as their eyes met and began to move fast and fast forward, because she knew, none of them would last long and within no time, they crushed into orgasm together.

* * *

Three weeks after Pacey had left, Jen looked at her pale friend, who sitting over her fennel tea, not able to move.

'Joey... everything okay?' She asked with a voice thick of concern.

'Yeah... sure Jen.' Joey gave a dismissive wave. 'I'm just seasick.'

Jen burst into laughter. 'Seasick all right. Jo, we're on that trip for what? About 4 month? And n-o-w you are _seasick_? All of a sudden? Come on, don't play dump with me.' Jen raised a suspicious eyebrow.

'Yeah, sort of.' Joey smiled loopsided and looked into her tea. Jen didn't miss the light rosé that graced Joey's cheeks. 'I think I'm maybe pregnant Jen...'

* * *

Joey looked in the mirror. The white sundress smothing around her chest and the skirt kind of flattered around her legs down to the knees. She wore white ballerinas and a bridal wreath made of summer flowers. She took a deep breath and rested a hand on her belly without noticing she did.

'I'm nervous as hell, Jen.'

'Come on.' Jen said, as she finished Joey's discrete makeup. 'You'll say your vows, he'll say his vows and than we all dance and cheer and everything will finally be as we always wanted it to be. As it was supposed to be.'

'Except for two missing friends.' Joey smiled sadly.

'Yeah.' Jen looked somewhat guilty but Joey just wrapped her in a warm embrace and placed a kiss on her forehead. 'Jack wouldn't mind. He would want Doug to be happy.' She forced Jen to look at her and smiled openly. 'And with you – he might have the opportunity to have a family of his own.' She smiled and Jen smiled to, laying a hand on her friends still flat belly.

'He doesn't know jet...' Joey smiled mysticly. 'I've saved that for tonight.'

Pacey looked down the aisle, that the crew had created for him on the deck of the cruiser. Bessie, Gretchen and Doug had joined him on his way back to the ship.

The air was filled with very low music. Playing _Take me home_ from Donny Lewis.

It was twilight again the first stars grazed the sky, as Joey appeared on the other end of the aisle, in a plain white sommerdress, her hair framing her face in soft waves, a soft breeze played with it, a beautiful bridal wreath on her head. He stared at her and it almost took his breath away. He felt tears in his eyes and couldn't get his gaze from this beautiful woman, than walked towards him to be his for life. 'You look beautiful.' He breathed as Joey finally reached him.

'You doesn't look so bad yourself.' She winked and took in his sight. He wear the cruisers uniform, a white suit with a black button down shirt underneath. On his chest was a white flower, equal to those that were placed in her hair.

As they finally had exchanged their vows and rings, they fell into a deep kiss. After which Joey took Pacey's hand and they turned to their small group of guests. They took congratulations, clinked glasses only in Joey's glass was sparkling water instead of sparkling wine, which was arranged by Audrey. After a while Joey held up her hand to draw the attention to her.

She was nervous as hell, but she took Pacey's hand who stood beside her, looking at her curious what she had to say. 'Well, we stand here without man or woman of honour and undenyable with one laughing and one sad eye.' She gave Pacey's hand a squeeze, whom she felt shivering at her words. 'None of us is very good at talking, which is, why we had wanted Dawson to do the speaking part for us. Instead of talking to much none sense on my own wedding. I want to ask you all to remember with me two of our dearest friends, we so suddenly lost in a terrible accident. Which almost costs me my love of my life, this wonderful man beside me.' She looked at Pacey with the most loving expression and saw tears in his eyes as he caught her gaze and felt them in her own eyes as well. 'Whom I may call husband from this day forth and I'm so grateful for that.' She smiled a huge smile and turned to Pacey fully, took his other hand as well. 'I have a special gift for you Pacey.' He looked stunned and tried to blink away the tears. 'Though, I can't make them magically reappear into our lifes, as much as I wished I could I'm more than glad to tell you, that I'm expecting your child in about seven month.' She shot him a megawatt smile and he didn't longer care about his tears, because her eyes flowed over with her own as well.

'You what?' His voice stumbled over itself, it was croaky and total surprise was clearly readable in his eyes. He was totally stunned and looked at her in utter disbelieve but he felt pure joy bubbling up in him, filling his heart as he starred at her, still trying to get the whole meaning of it.

'I'm pregnant, Pacey.' The crowd cheered as he pulled her into a passionate kiss and as they broke, thousands of falling stars covered the sky in their very won firework

'I think this is for you and me.' Joey smiled as Pacey left his right hand on her belly and pulled her close to him with his left arm around her shoulder, as he placed a soft kiss in her hair.

'Hm?' Pacey asked but than smiled. 'Yeah, Joey. I think you're right.'

* * *

As spring knocked on the door again, Joey and Pacey hold a healthy pair of brothers in their arms, which they named John Dawson and Mike Jack after their fathers and lost friends.

**The End :-)**

**Please review one last time and leave your opinion. Please, please, pretty please!**


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